Puntabulous

Joss Whedon wrote the introduction to the graphic novel Identity Crisis published by DC Comics, which includes the following snippet:

Mainstream comics (particularly the two titans, DC and that other one) are a universe, one that is as established and often unfathomable as the real one.

Besides writing for X-Men, a Marvel keystone, he’s now set to direct The Avengers movie, which is surely Marvel’s most ambitious film to date. Has he even written for DC?

As for Identity Crisis, it was good, not great. I enjoyed the overall mystery, but the story jumped around a bit too much and included a lot of two bit villains I didn’t know a damn thing about. Don’t get me wrong, I always enjoy learning more about lesser known characters (I keep my phone handy to check out their wikipedia pages) but I felt a few too many were introduced and never really contributed much to the overall story. Still a fun read though.

Here’s a new commercial from Dodge I quite enjoy:

Monkeys make everything better. Also, go check out Lez Chat over at Josh is Trashy for some extra LOLs.

Say you find yourself aboard the U.S.S. Enterprise (NCC-1701-D) and you want nothing more than to get jiggy with a lonesome Starfleet officer on the Holodeck. But which one should you choose? This guide should help you decide which crew member is the right lay for you.

WHO: Captain Jean-Luc Picard
WHY HE’S GOOD IN BED: For an old guy, he certainly has a remarkably nice body and a sweet penchant for short shorts. Plus there’s the added thrill of getting it on with the captain.
WHY HE’S BAD IN BED: But he can be a bit too stuffy at times, ruining the sensuality of the moment by saying “Oh dear, would it be impudent of me to cum? Pip pip cheerio!” and then quoting Moby Dick for some unknown reason.
VERDICT: He’s Jean-Luc-freaking-Picard!

WHO: Commander William RIker
WHY HE’S GOOD IN BED: He’s certainly the most classically handsome of the bunch and that beard of his hurts so good when it rubs up against your skin.
WHY HE’S BAD IN BED: But something needs to be said about a man who simply refuses to take command of his own starship, insisting on passing up command after command to stay put as first officer. I wouldn’t be surprised if he just lays there and makes you do all the work and insists on calling you Mommy, even if you’re a dude.
VERDICT: William Riker gets what William Riker wants. And William Riker wants you. And you. And you.

WHO: Commander Data
WHY HE’S GOOD IN BED: He is programmed in multiple techniques and a broad variety of pleasuring. Plus, as an android, he can’t be insulted when you hand him a couple of tissues and send him packing.
WHY HE’S BAD IN BED: Data has never been the most socially aware members of the crew, and has a tendency to say or ask inappropriate things at odd moments. And you never want to have sex with someone who can tell you precisely how much harrier you are than the rest of the general population based upon Starfleet statistics.
VERDICT: Put a muzzle on him, and you have a fully functional sexbot.

WHO: Lieutenant Commander Geordi LaForge
WHY HE’S GOOD IN BED: As the Enterprise’s resident nerd, you just know he’s not getting the play he’s longed all his life for, so he’ll treasure you and treat you the way you wish to be treated.
WHY HE’S BAD IN BED: But he insists on taking off his visor when you make sweet, sweet love and there’s only so many times you can fall for the line “Oh that’s odd, I could have sworn I was wearing a condom.”
VERDICT: Once you go blind, you never look behind.

WHO: Chief Medical Officer Beverly Crusher
WHY SHE’S GOOD IN BED: She has a fondness and knack for dancing, and you know what they say about good dancers. Plus her medical expertise will come in handy when your pee starts burning more than the Mutara Nebula.
WHY SHE’S BAD IN BED: She has a ton of baggage that may hinder having a brief fling. Nothing ruins the mood quite like being called Jack by a sobbing, naked woman. Unless your name is Jack and don’t mind crying. Then you’re just creepy.
VERDICT: She’s just the right hypospray.

WHO: Counselor Deanna Troi
WHY SHE’S GOOD IN BED: Let’s face it, she’s gorgeous, and those one piece leotards love her curves just as much as you do. Plus, as an empath, she knows exactly what’s working for you and what’s not without having to ask.
WHY SHE’S BAD IN BED: What the hell is up with the accent of hers? And when she moans, it’s about a thousand times more annoying. Plus I’m pretty certain there’s some Betazoid rule where if you sleep with the daughter, you have to sleep with the mother. At least that’s what Lwaxana told me.
VERDICT: Screwing an empath means never having to say “lower.”

WHO: Chief of Security Worf
WHY HE’S GOOD IN BED: Not to be stereotypical or anything, but it’s a well documented fact that Klingons have enormous penises.
WHY HE’S BAD IN BED: Not to be stereotypical or anything, but it’s a well documented fact that getting fucked by a Klingon will tear apart your insides.
VERDICT: He’s ridged for your pleasure.

WHO: Former Chief of Security Tasha Yar
WHY SHE’S GOOD IN BED: You just know she’d be up for bringing that hot nurse Alyssa Ogawa to join you guys.
WHY SHE’S BAD IN BED: If you’re a dude, you’d probably end up leaving out of boredom about halfway through to make yourself a sandwich while Tasha and Alyssa got to know each other better.
VERDICT: Blondes have more fun. And are lesbians.

WHO: Acting Ensign Wesley Crusher (But not till he’s 18!)
WHY HE’S GOOD IN BED: He’s, um, tight. And I don’t mean cheap.
WHY HE’S BAD IN BED: He’s a bit of a know-it-all so he has a tendency to ruin the moment by telling you that the gravitational yada yada yada of bouncing on his blah blah blah, would be exponentially increased if you whatchamacallit on top and centrifugally did this that and the other thing.
VERDICT: Writing about fucking Wesley makes me feel uncomfortable.

So what do you say? Which crew member are you bringing home tonight?

The Story. Holy crap! Is it true that there is a movie with an original story that isn’t a sequel, prequel, remake or adaptation from a television show, comic book, or video game? Sweet googa mooga! I didn’t even know that was possible anymore. It almost reminded me of the first Matrix where it may not have been a wholly original idea, but the concept was fresh and presented recurring ideas in new and exciting ways, along with a hefty budget not usually afforded fresh ideas. Let’s just skip the two crappy sequels, okay?

The Levels of Dreaming. I loved how the characters could travel deeper and deeper into dreaming by dreaming within a dream. It was hard, but also kinda fun to keep track of how many layers of dreaming they were in. I kept having to remind myself where they really were the whole time because I kept forgetting. Plus I love the way each level of dreaming had a specific feel to it.

The Kick. I’m pretty sure everyone on the planet knows what that sinking feeling feels like, and I thought it was a clever way to snap people out of dreams. Not to mention the scene at the end when they’re being kicked successively out of each level of dreaming, which was pretty damn awesome.

Ellen Page. For some reason I had it in my head that Ellen Page wasn’t going to play a big part in this movie. I’m not certain why, maybe just because they kept showing the same two scenes of her in the trailer, or because I read an early report wrong, but I was glad to see she had the large role throughout that she had.

“It was worth a shot.” Can Joseph Gordon-Levitt be in every movie, please? He just makes everything better.

The Hallway Fight. Speaking of, who would have thought Joseph Gordon-Levitt could be so badass? Again, this reminded me of The Matrix, but I enjoyed the reasoning behind it more than just “It’s all in your head so you can do whatever you want.” Intercut with scenes of the van falling over the bridge, this incredible fight scene had purpose as well as a decent explanation for the theatrics behind it.

Tom Hardy. Nearly unrecognizable from his role as Shinzon in Star Trek: Nemesis, this absurdly handsome gentlemen exuded cool from every nonexistent pore. Is it too early to start a Tom Hardy for James Bond campaign? Sorry Daniel Craig, we still love you too. Speaking of everyone’s favorite British manwhore…

The Snow Chase. It was right out of a James Bond movie and that was a-okay with me. Christopher Nolan said all along that he wanted this to be his James Bond, and it was never clearer than with these scenes.

Inside the Safe. Father/Son scenes always have a special resonance with me and the scene with Cillian Murphy and his father at the end gave Inception the sentimental impact it needed to give the otherwise actioner a full range of awesome.

The Say What? Factor Unlike The Fountain, which I was only able to appreciate after I read all about it online, comparing theories and developing the one I liked best in my head, I truly enjoyed Inception from start to finish. I was only confused about one major factor in the end (along with other minor concepts I didn’t quite understand, but didn’t hinder my enjoyment), but after reading the Wikipedia page for the movie, that point has since been cleared up. But there’s something enjoyable about a movie that requires a bit of thought afterwords to truly appreciate.

Bonus Cool: The Wobble. Enough said.

In this episode of Star Trek: The Next Generation, Riker falls in love with Soren (seriously, this crew falls in love [and Riker usually gets jiggy with, putting even Captain Jack Harkness to shame] a new alien every episode) a member of an androgynous species without male or female gender. But there is a small population of the species that does have male or female inclinations, which their government treat as outcasts and attempt to “cure” with psychotherapy. In the end, Soren reveals her true nature to a leading group of her species:

“I am female. I was born that way. I have had those feelings, those longings, all of my life. It is not unnatural. I am not sick because I feel this way. I do not need to be helped. I do not need to be cured. What I need, and what all of those who are like me need, is your understanding. And your compassion. We have not injured you in any way. And yet we are scorned and attacked. And all because we are different. What we do is no different from what you do. We talk and laugh. We complain about work. And we wonder about growing old. We talk about our families and we worry about the future. And we cry with each other when things seem hopeless. All of the loving things that you do with each other – that is what we do. And for that we are called misfits, and deviants and criminals. What right do you have to punish us? What right do you have to change us? What makes you think you can dictate how people love each other?”
– Soren

Considering this episode aired in 1992 BE (Before Ellen) I’d say this was pretty ahead of its time. And regardless of the above quote I feel this episode handled the situation well, without beating you over the head with a baseball bat labeled Acceptance is Cool, Fucker! The quote above reads a bit preachy, but I didn’t get that impression as I was watching it, and trust me, I hate being preached to (I’m looking at you, Crash), even when it’s ideas and beliefs I agree with. It probably helped that Soren was played by a female, and the episode was more about Riker and Soren’s relationship, plus if Soren is identifying as female, then there’s nothing gay about inseminating the husk with Riker, but the general sentiment of acceptance when it comes to gender identity and sexual orientation was still there and overall played out really well.

When faced with four movie options. 1. Leonardo DiCaprio being all “Look at me, I’m so dramatic all the time”, 2. Adrien Brody being all butterface, 3. The Last Airbender being all not at all Avatar-like, and 4. Nicolas Cage being all Nicolas Cage because all Nicolas Cage is capable of being is Nicolas Cage, sometimes you just need to go with Nicolas Cage. Unless it’s Ghost Rider, then just, no. So yes, I saw The Sorcerer’s Apprentice this weekend.

Believe it or not, this movie is based on the 1940 Mickey Mouse cartoon from Fantasia. Well, I say “believe it or not” because I didn’t know that until a week or so ago, and unless you’re smarter than me (puh-lease) I’ll assume you didn’t know that either. So anyway, the movie is about Nicolas Cage finding a new apprentice in the wonderfully quirky Jay Baruchel and attempting to dispose of an evil sorcerer and rival to Nicolas Cage’s character who is trying to release an even more powerful sorcerer who wants to destroy the world by raising an army of evil dead sorcerers.

I pretty much fell in love with the movie right away when they started with a prologue taking place in the days of Camelot, which I found totally unexpected and helped weave a richer history throughout the course of the movie that I thoroughly enjoyed. I really liked the backstory they gave the movie and the way they incorporated sorcerers from all different places and times, connecting dots that were unexpected, but didn’t feel forced.

Another thing I really liked about the movie was the way they incorporated science into explaining the way sorcery works and using scientific as well as sorcerific (totally a word) means of reaching their goals. There’s also a wonderful bit where Nicolas Cage gives his apprentice a pair of “old man shoes” so that the rubber soles protect him from electrocuting himself when he shoots off plasma bolts. Yeah, the science wasn’t perfect, but at least they tried and did their best to bring sorcery to the real world.

The humor and action were really good as well, with smaller pieces of action pretty much throughout the entire movie rather than long stretches of story, then a huge action setpiece, which was a welcome change from typical blockbusters that try and sell a huge piece of action and seem to build up to it forever. Of course Jay Baruchel is adorable and funny and his relationship with Nicolas Cage was charming and funny, but there was also Toby Kebbell who played a Criss Angel type character who was almost as ridiculous as Criss Angel himself, which added a lot of humor as well.

Unfortunately the movie only opened in 3rd place this weekend and has only grossed $24M so far. It would really be a shame if they couldn’t continue the franchise, because the movie really was fantastic and there are a ton of things they could do from here. Go see it!

1. Wearing dress shoes without socks. I mean, I don’t even like wearing sneakers without socks, I can’t even imagine what an uncomfortable shoe feels like. And do guys really think it looks that stylish that they’re willing to put up with the discomfort?

2. Wearing dress shirts without an undershirt. Unless you have the body of an olympian of course, which I’m sorry, but you don’t.

3. Why Saturdays and Sundays are combined on desk calendars (except my awesome Dilbert one, thank you very much). Yes, I realize most people keep theirs on their work desk, but wouldn’t Mondays be that much more tolerable if you had one more day to peel?

4. What Edward and Jacob find so appealing about Bella. My friend Meredith said she wants a scene in the next movie where they are forced to sit down and answer the question “What do you like about Bella?” Um, because I love the, um, way she makes me look in comparison?

5. How Twitter makes money.

6. How someone can say “It’s really lucky I got this job.” with a straight face when their dad is a high up executive at the same company and the position was basically made up for them.

7. Why M. Night Shyamalan would change the pronunciation of names in The Last Airbender. Like, I get how some changes need to be made to change from a book or television show into a movie, but the pronunciation of established names makes no sense. And no, I still haven’t seen it, but I heard all about it.

8. How every door in the house becomes infinitely squeaky when you’re trying to be quiet.

9. How I’m supposed to see Inception, Predators, and Sorcerer’s Apprentice all in one weekend. Okay I probably won’t, but I do want to see them all. And yeah, I still kinda want to see The Last Airbender too even though everyone says it awful. Must…resist…

10. Why Geordi and Worf both wore red uniforms in the first season of Star Trek: The Next Generation, then got promotions and started wearing green uniforms. Yet, Picard and Riker wear red uniforms, so why would the order of uniform rank go from red, green, to red again? And just to make it more confusing, green was the higher rank in the original Star Trek. I’m confuzzled.

So I finished Superman for All Seasons yesterday. It was written by Jeph Loeb and Tim Sale who wrote the great Batman graphic novels The Long Halloween and Dark Victory. Normally Superman is just a thorn in Batman’s side in the graphic novels I’ve read and this was the first true Superman one I’ve read. I’ve never been a huge Superman fan either. I enjoyed the movies and the cartoon shows, but Superman just never did it for me the way Batman did. But I figured with my favorite Batman writers at the helm, I’d enjoy their take on Superman.

So how was it? It was really, really good. Basically it’s a compilation of four short stories, each told from the perspective of someone in Superman’s life, including Pa Kent, Lois Lane, Lex Luthor, and Lana Lang. Part of me missed having a longer storyarc throughout the whole novel, but each of the stories’ (I probably messed up that grammar, deal with it) themes were related enough to sustain the book as a whole narrative. I was surprised to see how emotionally connected I found myself with the characters, especially when it came to the relationship between Clark Kent and his adoptive father.

If anything, I’d probably compare this book to the movie Superman Returns. I know a lot of people hate that movie, and as much as I have to agree that it isn’t really a great Superman story (and whoever’s idea it was to give Superman a son should be shot) it really did work as a wonderful tribute to the character of Superman. In a way, this was probably the best possible book I could have read to be my initiation into Superman graphic novels. It really drove home what Superman stood for and everything he has to deal with. One of the problems I have with the character is that he is seemingly perfect. But when you get good writers behind him, they can turn my perceptions of the character upside down, making him a much richer character and therefore much more interesting to read.

Now I’m reading Batman: Haunted Knight, which is a compilation of three shorter Batman stories revolving around Halloween. But I’m always on the lookout for more good graphic novel reads, so recommend away!

That’s right, I saw Eclipse with my Dad this weekend. You know, the newest installment of the movie franchise where the alpaca and the Easter Island statue fight over the miserable girl who no one in their right mind would be fighting over. I couldn’t even get halfway through the first book because I hated the character of Bella Swan so much. But the movies were fun in their own ridiculous way, although the melodramaticness (totally a word) is enough to make me want to drown myself in a bath of tween tears. Before I continue, let me present this quote from the awesome show Vampire Diaries:

Caroline: Hey, how come you don’t sparkle?
Damon: Because I live in the real world where vampires burn in the sun.

So how was the movie? Well for starters it was definitely the best of the three. All the annoying melodramaticness was still there, and unfortunately so was Kristen Stewart, but at least there was a bit of plot this time to move things forward and OMG actually a decent amount of action! I know, I know, action in a movie about vampires and werewolves? What is this world coming to? The final confrontation between the vampires and werewolves and the fight at the top of the mountain were actually really well done, which I think is thanks to director David Slade who directed an honest to goodness vampire movie with 30 Days of Night. I think the important thing here was actually making the vampires deadly, which never seemed like the case in the previous sparkleriffic movies.

Like I said, the romance (and the acting) still leaves a lot to be desired, but at least this time there was a bit more humor thrown in, which I felt at least acknowledged the ridiculousness of it all. I also enjoyed the Cullen family dynamic, which I felt was missing in New Moon and made the original Twlight better in my opinion, and was glad they played a bigger role this time around. I also really liked the Rosalie flashback, and wouldn’t terribly mind a whole movie of her exacting Uma Thurman type revenge for 90 minutes. Oh, and I was sad that Rachelle Lefevre wasn’t Victoria this time around because she actually had the best scene in New Moon and Bryce Dallas Howard just didn’t have the edgy look Victoria had in the previous movies.

All in all, I’d say that if you’ve seen the others and survived, give this one a shot and you may be pleasantly surprised.