Puntabulous

In today’s edition: Purchasing a Flying Car:

If one finds themselves trapped in the future, it is important to know how to get from one place to another. One from the past may assume that renting a flying car might be the way to go. However, due to the driving hazards inherent with flying cars, rental agencies are not able to pay the insurance necessary to cover their customers. One must also avoid all forms of public transportation due to the fact that most airbuses are overrun with the gangs left over from the Retharian invasion of 2376. Though we must hand it to the dedicated drivers of the airbus system who persevere, and manage to never miss a stop, even when loss of limb may slow them down (god bless them).

So unfortunately, the only option left open to our poor travelers from the past (often referred to as “Suckees” due to the fact that most accidental trips to the future occur when an unsuspecting victim is sucked through a wormhole) is to purchase a car.

When finding a model car suitable to the Suckee’s taste, one does not need to consider gas-mileage for the simple reason that gas supplies were depleted in the year 2376 in an effort to fight off the Retharian invasion, which as you know was a terrible failure and continues to plague airbus drivers (god bless them) to this day. Flying cars are now powered by solar energy, giving “rainy days” another meaning as flying cars often fall out of the sky when the sun becomes hidden behind a patch of clouds.

Seat belts and airbags are deemed unnecessary for the simple reason being that most flying car crashes result in plummeting to the ground from 7,000 feet screaming at the top of your lungs for the mercy of a god who does not appear to be answering at the moment, and henceforth, death.

Suckees are urged to look for the following qualities in a flying car to ensure safe traveling through the skies:

1) Windshield wipers that are sturdy enough to clean away the toughest of grime. One never knows when they will fly into a swarm of Velion Dung Beetles, Penguins (which by this time evolved into birds of flight) or murdered airbus drivers (god bless them) so you should always be prepared to sweep them away swiftly and streak-free from your windshield.

2) Doors. In the future there is still no better way of entering or exiting a flying car.

3) Ejector seats. Available only in top-of-the-line models, ejector seats allow drivers the ability to eject seconds before crashing into an oncoming vehicle (parachutes sold separately).

Once you have purchased your flying car, you are ready to hit the skies! And remember, if you ever find yourself in need of extra cash, there is always a position available for you in the airbus system as an honorable and dedicated airbus driver (god bless them).