Where we read the stars and Yahoo Horoscopes to tell the fortune the only way Puntabulous knows:
Virgo:
You’re determined to do something to help people, especially when it comes to the environment. Whether you’re planning ways to raise awareness, donating money or buying a hybrid car, you’re sure to set an example for others.
Good job making the rest of us lazy fuckers look bad. Jerk.
Scorpio:
You know it’s time for you to get the salary you deserve, but put those money concerns on the back burner. Wait a day or two until the powers that be are in a better mood, and your negotiations will have a much better effect.
Sadly I’m a scorpio. Sadly my negotiation skills suck. Sadly I work in publishing. Sadly.
Aries:
Time to get your game on. No matter what it is, you’re bound and determined to win it. So let your office softball team or the neighborhood Scrabble gang know that you’re ready to play. Remember to keep it light and easy, and you’ll have tons of fun.
A Scrabble gang? That doesn’t sound very threatening. I’d be more afraid of those faggy singing Jets or Sharks. Zing!