Here is another edition of Puntabulous Christmas Carols! Just guess the name of the Christmas carol I am illustrating in the picture below. The answer is below the picture in inviso-text, just highlight to read.

Deck the Halls

So I was watching Sex and the City with my roommate, when the girls started dicussing their SSBs or their Secret Single Behaviors. Carrie’s was eating chocolate while standing (yes standing) in the kitchen reading fashion magazines. I tried to think of my secret single behavior and I had a hard time pinpointing what it would be. But then it hit me, MY WHOLE LIFE IS A SECRET SINGLE BEHAVIOR. I am a creature of habit and I must do several specific things during the day or else I will slip into a coma and die. And here they are:

1) Make tomorrow’s lunch the night before. Usually peanut butter and jelly. Must make sandwich the night before because my mornings are very regimented and I wouldn’t have time to do it then.

2) Shower. I need to shower everyday. Even if I’m going to stay at home in my pajamas all day, I still need to shower and get back into my pajamas. The reason for this being that my hair and skin are oily mother fuckers. You could fry chicken with all the grease that’s on my face when I wake up in the morning.

3) Stand in the same exact spot for the subway everyday. That is where the subway doors open up for me to enter, and to exit at my stop near the staircase I need.

4) Lunch. Always at 1 on the dot. Usually peanut butter and jelly, but you knew that already.

5) Apples. Buy 4 Granny Smith apples every Monday after work. Eat an apple every Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday nights. I always cut up the apple before eating it because I don’t like eating apples off of the core. Granny Smiths are my favorite. Mmmmm. I could eat a Granny all night.

Well folks, tonight was the season finale to The Biggest Loser. Although Suzy Preston looked AMAZING she came in 3rd place. Seth and Matt beat her by only a few pounds! Here she is bursting dramatically through some paper duing the live finale next to a picture of her former self.

After the show she promptly had Seth and Matt beaten to death with a sock full of oranges.

I was disappointed to see that she wasn’t wearing her “I heart Puntabulous” T-shirt, but I suppose I can forgive her since she is so lovely. Congratulations to Suzy and all of the contestants on The Biggest Loser!

Here I am when I briefly appeared in the newest Harry Potter movie, Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire:

That guy standing there isn’t me though. That’s Cedric Diggory. See that little black speck? That’s me. In my scene, I transfigure myself into a fly so I can follow Cedric into the shower. In the scene that followed, I transfigure back into human form and he huffled my puff until I was ravenclawing at the curtains.

*Editor’s note: The actor playing Cedric Diggory is 19 years old. So this post is quite legal. Perverted, yet legal.

Time for another edition of Puntabulous Christmas Carols. Just guess the name of the Christmas Carol I am illustrating in the picture below. The answer is below the picture in inviso-text. Just highlight to read.

Blue Christmas

Don’t forget to watch the 2-hour live season finale of The Biggest Loser tonight at 8 on NBC! Suzy Preston is going to kick those guys’ asses. If you watch the commercial, you can see a snipet of her talking, and she looks MEGA thin. Not gross Nicole Richie thin, but healthy, she’s going to win a lot of money thin.

I’m using this picture because the picture for the Biggest Loser was boring. And Puntabulous could always use a bit more Josh Duhamel. Or maybe, just maybe, Josh Duhamel could use a bit more Puntabulous.

It doesn’t take a genius to figure out that I love holidays. I like to do something special for each holiday. That is why I am introducing Puntabulous Christmas Carols. Every few days, I will feature a new picture representing a Christmas Carol. The name of the song will be underneath the picture in inviso-text, so you can just highlight for the answer.

I decided to start off easy. Just beware, T-minus 27 days until “Oh Come All Ye Faithful”. I’m sure you can just imagine what that picture is going to look like.

Chestnuts Roasting Over an Open Fire

I decorated my parents house for Christmas this weekend. I have a tendency to go a bit overboard.

I think I can officially say that my parents’ house donned its gay apparel.

Although the turkey has killed me on 3 separate occasions, we have decided to make a truce. Here we are shaking hands:

Sorry bitch, it’s Thanksgiving and I need a turkey.