Where we read the stars and Yahoo Horoscopes to tell the fortune the only way Puntabulous knows:
Scorpio (me!):
You can stop wondering why you’ve been such a magnet for admiring attention lately. The answer is obvious: You’ve been working pretty darned hard to look as good as you feel, and it’s paying off.
I don’t really have a funny comment about this one. I only posted it because it says how hot I am.
Capricorn:
Watching what you’ve set into motion fall apart makes you crazy, especially because you didn’t arranged it that way. No matter what happens, force yourself to remain calm. There’s just no other way to handle it.
Unless! What you’ve set up was an elaborate dominos maze, and when it falls apart, it becomes a thing of beauty as the tiles gracefully knock each other over in perfect succession. But you were never a fan of dominos, so chances are whatever just happened sucks. But I’ll still keep my fingers crossed for the dominos scenario.
Cancer:
Romantic news may arrive, but you won’t expect it. Think of how many times something unexpected actually opened a door and started you off on a path toward the best things that have every happened to you.
The last time something romantic came knocking on my door, I had to get a prescritption for antibiotics the next day. Although perhaps it wasn’t “romantic” more than it was “a hooker”.
Taurus:
Things are probably going quite well for you at the moment, even if you happen to be experiencing what one might call a rather startling awakening. It’s time for a whole new start, and you’re more than ready.
One time I had a rather startling awakening. It was when I was in the hospital. I was on some pretty heavy medication, and I awoke to find myself being smothered by a pillow. My mom is such a kidder.