So my mom put Axe shower gel in my stocking this year. Ignoring the fact that I essentially got soap for Christmas (is she trying to tell me something?) hasn’t my mom seen these commercials? Doesn’t she realize how irresistible I will become to unwitting pedestrians? How much raunchy, sweaty, monkey sex this product will lead to? Apparently she never heard Axe’s slogan: “This is how dirty boys get clean”. Or has she? Shudder.
Anyway, I finally tried it for the first time today. I can only imagine the amount of sex I will be having now that I’m using it. It must take a few days to set in though because I noticed no unusual amount of attention from others in the real world.
Be warned fair public, I am using Axe. There is nothing anyone can do to stop the shockwaves now coursing through the known universe. If a butterfly flaps its wings in Peking, there can be rain instead of sunshine in Central Park. Don’t underestimate the power my soap-usage has on the world. That was Lucifer’s mistake.
“>>It must take a few days to set in though because I noticed no unusual amount of attention from others in the real world.
Okay, so that almost broke my heart.
will you prefer me to jump on you with a running leap or from standing still? either way, i’ll have to jump you now that you’re axeified. axerrific? axelicious!
Craig, I was about to jump you full on and ravage your amazing body but then I realized how hunky and athletic you are now that you’ve taken up walking from Brooklyn to Manhattan and I realized I didn’t have a chance… so I just went home and ate soy ice cream instead. Yum.
Ps- I miss you.