Puntabulous

If you somehow find yourself trapped in the year 3000, it is important to know the rituals and customs of the civilization of the future.

YOUR ROBOT AND YOU: FRIENDS WITH BENEFITS FOREVER

Suckees — people brought to the future by being sucked through a wormhole — are often shocked to see robots living amongst humans in the world of the future. Their initial shock is usually paired with immediate fright and distrust of the robots. This is due to turn of the 21st century movies depicting robots as evil, cruel beings (usually with red lights for eyes) that only wished to conquer the human race. This thought is silly, since by now everyone should know that nothing can destroy the human race, no matter how hard God tries.

The most common form of Robot is the Sex-Bot:

In the future, sex between humans has become increasingly rare. This is partly due to the fact that mankind has reached a point of enlightenment where physical pleasures hold no meaning to them anymore. It may also be due to the vagina having evolved ever more complex leaving men more hopeless than ever in attempting to give females any sense of pleasure in their nethers. It also grew a tentacle, but that will be discussed in another chapter.

Because of this fact, horny, science-fiction-obsessed nerds (otherwise known as nerds, the most helpless against the vagina) introduced the Sex-Bot to society in the year 2670. Initially, the price of the Sex-Bot was much too steep for everyday consumers. However by the year 2711 the sales of Sex-Bots increased dramatically when the vagina tentacle evolved a stinger and became venomous.

Sex-Bots of course come in two styles: Male and Female. Besides the obvious physical differences, there are subtle differences between the characteristics of the Male and Female Sex-Bots. While Females have no problem letting their cold metal feet rub up against yours, Males are equipped with retractable, unclipped toenail simulators for easy defense and escape maneuvers. Males are also designed to shut down precisely three minutes prior to sensing their partner will climax. Females on the other hand are designed to never climax, and then complain about it later.

When purchasing a Male Sex-Bot, it is highly recommended that you purchase a unit that is one size larger than you normally would, since they have a terrible habit of being an inch shorter than advertised on the box. It is also important to purchase a package of rubbers whether you purchase a Male or Female Sex-Bot. Do not get “rubbers” confused with the British idiom for condoms. Rubbers are the two inch thick foam rubber tubing necessary for penetration to prevent electrocution.

You are now ready to purchase your very own Sex-Bot! Go get em, Tiger!

For more Puntabulous Guides to the Future CLICK HERE.