Well… I’m leaving Brooklyn tomorrow. I’m moving back to Long Island to live with my parents. I’ve lived in Brooklyn for the past year, and I’ve discovered that city living just isn’t for me. And while the prospect of living with my parents isn’t exactly appealing, I will be able to save a butt load of money, and my mom always makes sure the fridge is stocked with beer for me. So it can’t be all that bad.

Here is a tally of the events of my past year in Brooklyn:

Money paid in rent that could be in savings had I stayed home: $9,600

Number of graduate degrees attained: 1

Number of job changes: 1

Number of employers named after birds: 2

Number of times Time Warner Cable has had to come to my apartment to fix the cable and/or internet: 3

Number of cable and internet problems permanently fixed: 0

Number of stops necessary to buy what could be bought at a regular suburban supermarket in one shot: 3

Number of beers drank at the local gay bar: 12

Number of beers drank in the privacy of my own home: Countless

Number of guys dated: 3

Number of guys who broke up with my via e-mail: 1

Number of guys who broke up with me via ignoring me: 1

Number of guys who moved back to Nebraska: 1

Number of pregnancy scares: 0

Number of blogs started: 1

Number of mentions on Gawker: 1

Number of mentions on Cityrag: 2

Number of weekends the L train wasn’t running essentially trapping me in Brooklyn: 7,305,837 (estimated)

Number of times I’ve had my bags searched by the Police at the subway station: 8 (not an estimate)

Number of Girl Scout cookie boxes bought: 7

Number of Girl Scout cookie boxes shared with others: 1

Number of times seeing “The Chronicles of Narnia” in the theater: 4

Number of times seeing “V for Vendetta” starring Natalie Portman, my wife: 0

Number of times I was gonna get laid anyway: 0

So I think I’ve come to the conclusion that I’m just not built for work. I think it’s the 5 days a week that really gets to me. And the whole 8-5 thing isn’t really working in my favor either. There’s also the “having to do work” thing that really irks me too. “For the love of Aslan, just leave me alone and let me read blogs and movie news all day!”

I think I need a sugar daddy.

But they would have to be young and hot. I’m not sure if sugar daddies come in the young and hot variety though. So maybe it’s not so much a “sugar daddy” but more like a “boyfriend” who buys me lots of stuff and pays my rent.

I’m not exactly sure why I’m wearing skimpy underwear in the above picture, but I assume that it’s one of the conditions of having a sugar daddy. Just be thankful I drew the picture from the front.

Put away your notebooks and take out a number 2, it’s time for another Puntabulous Pop Quiz!

Who did following child stars in crappy movies grow up to be?

A) Kid from Kazaam

B) Kid from Air Bud

Answers after the jump:

,

So I got my first paycheck from my new job. I’m no gonna lie, it was a magical experience. How else was I going to celebrate than to buy all three seasons of “Wonder Woman” on DVD. And no, I have never seen an episode in my life before this weekend. Now I know what you’re thinking: “Craig, it seems so unlike you. I doubt you would really enjoy that show.” But underneath this rough and tough exterior is someone who enjoys female superheroes (Catwoman, anyone?), slow-motion running (You get ‘em Womder Woman!), and the 70’s concept of girl power (i.e. girl-on-girl catfights).

If anyone tries to tell you money can’t buy happiness, they’ve obviously never watched Lynda Carter dressed up as Wonder Woman rolling down a hill while fighting with a female Nazi spy.

Oh yes, magical indeed.

Puntabulous: Your 11th best source for keeping your spouse’s inadequecies in check.

Foiled again!

Does Nnenna’s boyfriend remind anyone else of Vince Vaughn’s crazy girlfriend from “Wedding Crashers”?

Or he’ll find you and gut you like a fish. Then eat you so your bodies and souls will be as one. That’s all he ever wanted. Why couldn’t you just give him that? Why did you make him do this to you? But don’t worry. You’ll always be inside him Nnenna. You’ll always be together. Always.

In Jade related news:

Alright, alright, Shirley and Ctina both tagged me, and while I normally hate forced blogging, I secretly love it because it makes my “job” easier. But I’m not going to pass it on to anyone else. Chain e-mails stop with me.

6 Strange Puntabulous-isms:

1. While I don’t find chest hair on guys particularly attractive, I am usually turned on by it because then it means that the guy isn’t vain enough to shave it. No offense if you shave your chest though. I’ll just think less of you.

2. I insist on finding the perfect television show to fall asleep to even though I’m usually asleep before my head hits the pillow. It can’t be too interesting because then I will want to know what is happening and constantly open my eyes to see what is going on. But it can’t be too boring that I am put to sleep by it. Don’t ask.

3. I have an irrational fear of being sent to prison. But if I were ever sent, I’d make the best of it. Wink.

4. If I had a theme song, it would be “The Hustle”. I wish I knew how to do the Hustle. Not to be confused with “I wish I knew how to hustle” of which I am clearly already an expert. Not to be confused with the gambling type of hustler either. Oh forget it! People pay me for sex.

5. When I’m low on money I buy deodorant from the dollar store. I suspect many of you out there are nodding while you read this, finally understanding why I smell.

6. I’m afraid of swimming alone in a pool for fear of being attacked by a shark. Sharks are afraid of swimming alone in a pool for fear of being attacked by me.

Just about every episode of 24:

Something bad always happens when they leave “here”. Usually someone gets shot. Usually it’s an innocent citizen. Usually it’s Jack Bauer’s fault for getting them involved in the first place. Jack Bauer always knows what he’s doing.

I would rather give my penis dozens upon dozens of paper cuts and have sex with a lemon than…

FILL IN THE BLANK