Apr
28
Well… I’m leaving Brooklyn tomorrow. I’m moving back to Long Island to live with my parents. I’ve lived in Brooklyn for the past year, and I’ve discovered that city living just isn’t for me. And while the prospect of living with my parents isn’t exactly appealing, I will be able to save a butt load of money, and my mom always makes sure the fridge is stocked with beer for me. So it can’t be all that bad.
Here is a tally of the events of my past year in Brooklyn:
Money paid in rent that could be in savings had I stayed home: $9,600
Number of graduate degrees attained: 1
Number of job changes: 1
Number of employers named after birds: 2
Number of times Time Warner Cable has had to come to my apartment to fix the cable and/or internet: 3
Number of cable and internet problems permanently fixed: 0
Number of stops necessary to buy what could be bought at a regular suburban supermarket in one shot: 3
Number of beers drank at the local gay bar: 12
Number of beers drank in the privacy of my own home: Countless
Number of guys dated: 3
Number of guys who broke up with my via e-mail: 1
Number of guys who broke up with me via ignoring me: 1
Number of guys who moved back to Nebraska: 1
Number of pregnancy scares: 0
Number of blogs started: 1
Number of mentions on Gawker: 1
Number of mentions on Cityrag: 2
Number of weekends the L train wasn’t running essentially trapping me in Brooklyn: 7,305,837 (estimated)
Number of times I’ve had my bags searched by the Police at the subway station: 8 (not an estimate)
Number of Girl Scout cookie boxes bought: 7
Number of Girl Scout cookie boxes shared with others: 1
Number of times seeing “The Chronicles of Narnia” in the theater: 4
Number of times seeing “V for Vendetta” starring Natalie Portman, my wife: 0
Number of times I was gonna get laid anyway: 0
April 28th, 2006 at 7:17 am
It could be worse. I live in BFE Maryland.
April 28th, 2006 at 8:11 am
The great borough of Kings, and I, weep for your departure.
April 28th, 2006 at 9:03 am
Yea gotta love when the L train stops working.
April 28th, 2006 at 10:08 am
If you weren’t gonna get laid anyway, isn’t the pregnancy scare tally moot?
Moving from the city to the country, eh? The theme of Green Acres is running through my head. Perhaps you, and your wife Natalie Portman, could sing it on the way there:
“You are my wife
Goodbye, city life!
Green Acres we are THERE!”
Just a thought…
April 28th, 2006 at 5:44 pm
I for one will sleep more soundly in my bed tonight in the knowledge that the security forces have realised the threat to us all posed by talking beaver obsessed gay men. The sooner that Mr Tumnus is pissed on by some marines in the name of liberty the better…
April 28th, 2006 at 7:45 pm
You keep moving further and further away from me… is this how you’re breaking up with me??
April 29th, 2006 at 3:24 am
Will the paper thin Natalie be moving with you to your folk’s home?
April 29th, 2006 at 1:20 pm
The only thing getting me through Craig moving is the hope that his return to Long Island will inspire him to throw more pool parties with Mrs. M’s delectable banana bread.
April 30th, 2006 at 12:04 pm
What.the.fuck?
For reals, I get a job and therefore will have the money to hang out and you leave.
I weep. Oh, how I weep!
April 30th, 2006 at 3:20 pm
This is not good news. Now, had logistics been different and you were in Chicago then you would have options. We could have kept you in the city and I could have found you a sugar daddy. Hmmm… does that make me Pimp Daddy Todd?!
April 30th, 2006 at 3:20 pm
This is not good news. Now, had logistics been different and you were in Chicago then you would have options. We could have kept you in the city and I could have found you a sugar daddy. Hmmm… does that make me Pimp Daddy Todd?!
April 30th, 2006 at 5:26 pm
Echo… Echo….
May 1st, 2006 at 12:00 pm
I represent Queens…she was raised out in Brooklyn…
Sorry…slight LL Cool J flashback…
Maybe you will become a Long Island Lolita…
Or a hot sauce fajita…
Or maybe a rich-as-mo-fuck-manhita
May 1st, 2006 at 11:19 pm
you do not look like something who is menancing enough to persuade the popo to pick YOU out to conduct a search. OR perhaps that cute popo wanted some one-on-one time with you?
hm yummy
the emailer-broker-upper needs to fuck that lemon.
hope the move went well
May 28th, 2006 at 8:37 am
Whats up with gays and Nebraska? My friend moved to Omaha last year and said he couldn’t find a decent straight bar to save his life. He was going with some of his gay friends to gay clubs to pick up girls.