So I saw X-Men: The Last Stand last night:

Alright, so even though there wasn’t any butt sex, I still stuck around and enjoyed it thoroughly.

You would not believe the amount of e-mails I get asking for me to post baby pictures of myself.

ZERO

Can you believe that!?

Well anyway, I was going to make a post of various pictures of me growing up with fun captions, but my sacnner decided to stop working. I tried taking digital pictures of the original photos, but the quality sucked.

It was going to be really funny. I apologize for sucking.

I know this is long overdue. But I hope you enjoy!

Hello! I’m home!

Hello mother!

Hello son!

Hello father!

Hello son!

You’re not going to believe my news!

I’m…

…married!

WHAT!?

This is Natalie Portman, my wife.

And we are in love.

I guess I should start calling you Mom and Dad now, huh?

Actually, no, you shouldn’t.

Wait a second, I may be a wee bit tipsy. Did our son just say he married the girl from “Pirates of the Caribbean”?

Must… kill… Natalie… Portman…

Why can’t you ever just be happy for me!?

I hate you! We don’t need this abuse! Let’s go to our room!

Come Natalie Portman, my wife. Look at our new home!

Isn’t it great!?

This sucks. It’s fucking tiny. And it has a twin bed!

Come on sweetie! If anyone can make it work, we can!

Fuck this bed is tiny! Can’t you give me an inch, woman! God I hate you!

For more Puntabulous Photo Albums CLICK HERE!

Here is a list of things that I’ve been doing instead of blogging:

1) Working. Still waiting for a sugar daddy.

2) Going back to school. A gay, croatian Luke Skywalker is my teacher. But a Luke Skywalker AFTER he got attacked by the Wampa.

3) Repainted and recarpeted my bedroom. As you may know, I moved back in with my parents. Needless to say, my childhood room needed a bit of a renovation to make it a bit more grown-up. It came out really nice, and yes, it does look a bit more grown-up. But chances are I’ll put up a “Star Wars” poster to counter act any of the grown-up qualities.

4) Working on a new screenplay. Yes, I’m one of those losers that writes screenplays that will never be produced. I’ve written four so far, making this my fifth. This one is going to be a comedy as opposed to the science fiction I’ve previously written. Here’s a HINT. Think “Galaxy Quest” but for comic book movies.

5) Having lots of sweaty sex. Masturbating.

Here is the paper we use at work:

Exactly how many times can we use this paper? I want to be sure we’re getting our money’s worth, damn it!

What the hell is going on on my biore?

I know! I know! I’m a terrible blogger. I’ve been working late at work the past two weeks. Yes, you read that correctly, I’ve been working late. Me! It’s kinda annoying, but I believe it’s paying off. Apparently there is something in the works. Hopefully I will have a fun update with good news in the near future. Keep your fingers crossed!

In other news:

My junior year in college, I had a really hot, straight (sigh) lab partner for one of my classes. We were doing work at his place one night. He took off his shoes, I took off my shoes. He called me a copycat. To which I replied “I’m a follower, not a giver”.

Oh yes, that’s correct. I didn’t say “I’m a follower, not a leader”. No! That’s what a normal person would say. I had to slip and say “I’m a follower, not a giver“. Oh, what a red-faced Craig there was! Seriously. I don’t know what happened. It just slipped. What the fuck is wrong with me? More importantly, why didn’t my comment inspire him to switch sides?

The End

Next time I’ll tell you about the time I drunken IMed my other hot, straight lab partner and professed my love. Seriously, I should never be allowed near a science classroom.

So I moved cubicles at work today. I’ve been moved closer to the group of people I’ve been working with. This makes slacking off a tad more difficult. I had to scope out my new cube and determine which positioning of my computer monitor would allow the least amount of people to see it when they walk or enter my cubicle.

As you may or may not know, this is a delicate art. You can’t make it too obvious that your monitor is completely facing an awkward direction. Then people will only become more suspicious. But monitor privacy is essential in the workplace so you need to give up a little comfort to have the privacy necessary to slack off.

On second thought, I suppose hanging my monitor from the ceiling is a bit too suspicious.

Remember that time I GRADUATED? And I was so excited because I would never have to write another term paper ever again? Well it turns out, I may have been a little off on that estimate.

No longer content with being over-educated and perpetually under-qualified, I decided to hit the books again and head back to school. Seriously, what the fuck is wrong with me? So off I go to NYU for courses in Construction Project Management! Goodbye Thursday nights! Hello continuing education for little or no reward! Horrah!

I should seriously consider moving to the Earth’s poles for 6 months at a time to stay away from that damn Sun.

And not in that laying-back-relaxing-with-your-hands-behind-your-head kind of way either. I’m still adjusting to living at home and the new schedule commuting brings to my life. I’ll try to be better folks.

Or just give me lots of money so I can quit my job and we’ll all win. Okay, maybe just I’ll win. But my happiness should make you happy. Don’t you want me to be happy? You selfish bastard.

Oh, and I’ll try my darndest to get Natalie Portman, my wife, to make an appearance. Just imagine some good family drama now that we’re living with her in-laws. Like “Everybody Loves Raymond” but for people under 50.