Puntabulous

In THIS interview with Dark Horizons, the cast of X-Men 3: The Last Stand discuss the possibility of a cure for the Mutant X gene.

Ian McKellen: Well, there aren’t many [gay people] in Hollywood [laughs]. But there are people who think gay people can be cured, so my reaction to that, that I can be cured as a mutant, is contemptuous, that people think I need curing for my sexuality. The idea that black people can take a pill that would cure them of being black is absolutely appalling to me. I’d like to hear of any character in this film who thinks this cure is a good idea, but there are some and they argue the case. It’ll get you worked up, this movie, and so it should. I don’t think people should be cured of their god-given nature.

Hugh Jackman: I’m going to be devil’s advocate, because we’ve had the studio, everyone involved, fights with certain characters that are offered the cure. And voluntarily some take it, some don’t. And I won’t say which character cause I don’t want to give away the plot. There’s a number of characters, but we just, for example, were talking about someone like Rogue. Now Rogue, as amazingly powerful as she is, lives a potentially very lonely life. Never being able to touch anyone, never being able to have a physical relationship, never being able to have children, never being able to be married. Now, as politically abhorrent as somehow the cure is, it’s also humanely and socially, incredibly understandable that a character like that would take it.

Openly gay actor Ian McKellen is appalled by the idea of a cure, while Hugh Jackman plays devil’s advocate.

Just sayin’.

If one ever finds themselves trapped in the future, it is important to know the customs and rituals of the civilization of the future. Suckees — people brought to the future by being sucked through a wormhole — are always shocked when they hear all the things they missed in the last 1,000 years.

To prevent yourself from looking foolish at a dinner party, here is a brief timeline of events that occured in the 2000’s:

2057: Lucky Charms reinvents itself by taking out the cereal pieces, leaving only the marshmallows. Mild seizures occur. TOTALLY WORTH IT.

2283: Saran Wrap outlawed for being a sucky product.

2284: Satan Wrap introduced to the market. One soul is all it takes to get those leftovers kept nice and fresh for tomorrow’s lunch.

2285: Tin Foil companies mysteriously vanish from the Earth. Sales in Satan Wrap skyrocket.

2402: Evolutionists celebrate as evolution is scientifically studied in real time as killer sharks roam the streets of New York. Creationists pretend not to notice.

2681: Sun burns out and the Earth is thrust into an icy darkness. The Ben Afflekatron and Bruce Willisbot 5000 take a rag tag team of misfits and perform a convoluted mission to get the Sun burning again. Liv Tyler still considered a terrible actress.

2745: The alien race of Kelarthians arrive on planet Earth. Episodes of “Lois & Clark” are just reaching their homeworld 10.83 lightyears away. They threaten to obliterate the human race if they are not told where Lois and Clark got the baby in the end. Humans quickly distract them with episodes of “Desperate Housewives”. But it was only a matter of time before they get to season 2 and the Kelarthians threaten bodily harm once again.

2803: Joan Rivers passes away.

2947: God reveals himself and claims he had no idea what he was doing when he created the Earth. He says it was only a side project to get him out of the house when Mrs. God was in one of her moods. “You know what I’m talking about fellas,” he said. Explains that the first humans really were Adam and Steve. Eve was created later to tell them how gorgeous they were and complain about how all the good ones are either gay or gay. Heterosexuality was created during Steve’s experimental college years. It had almost been a perfect world.

Wednesday April 26th will go down in history as the day I officially became a woman. Did I magically grow a uterus during the night? Did I wake up to find my panties soiled with blood after having my first period? No, no. no! Don’t be silly!

But what could it be then?

That’s right, Secretaries Day! Oops, I’m sorry, “Administrative Professionals Day”. HAHAHA! And now that I’m a Secretary, oops, I mean “Administrative Assistant” it means I got to celebrate that day in all its glorious splendor. And how does a butch man such as myself celebrate Secretaries Day?

He gets chocolate and flowers from his boss. Seriously. Now, don’t get me wrong, I do enjoy chocolate and flowers, but that day, I hated them. Where the hell is my hot, young sugar daddy? I need him now more than ever. But then again, it would be a shame to let my shiny new ovaries go to waste.

And just in case this post isn’t chauvinistic enough: How many men does it take to open a beer bottle?

None, it should be open by the time she brings it to him! Oh snap! Oh wait, I think I’m the “she” now. Damn the man! Secretaries Unite!