I hope you guys didn’t think I forgot Natalie Portman, my wife’s birthday on friday. She turned the big TWO FIVE. Yup, she’s a cradle robber!
Here is how we celebrated:
First I made her favorite breakfast and brought it up to her in bed.
Then I did that special thing in between her legs that she loves so much.
Bang! Bang! Die, Jar Jar, die!
Let’s have a pirate themed birthday party! You know, like her movie!
AAAARRRRGGGG!
I hate you all.
EEK! Dad! I think you went a bit overboard with the pirate theme! You look so scary!
What pirate theme?
Oh, you’re such a kidder Dad! For Natalie Portman, my wife’s birthday!
Oh hello, Natalie.
Oh hello, Bea.
grumble grumble
grumble grumble
Time for birthday doughnut!
Be careful sweetie, you’re flammable. Don’t forget to make a wish!
wish wish wish wish wish wish wish wish wish wish wish
AAAHHHHH!!!!
We’ll meet again Natalie Portman!
Oh my God! You just killed my Dad!
Oh look! One more candle!
wish wish wish wish wish wish wish wish wish wish wish
Hmmm, something feels different. I suddenly feel the urge hide my emotions and scratch my crotch
Oh fuck, I’m butch!
Happy Birthday to me!
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Love it! And on a Sunday night too – oh Craig, you know how to start the week JUST RIGHT!
Bravo!
You are fabulous! Keep it comin’!
Also, we’re still waiting on that baby pic post, dammit!
Happy birthday, Natalie Portman your wife.
Craig, I think I can help you with the antidote for straightness! Call me…I’ll fix you!
Tee hee! What will you do with all your shiny shirts if you’re straight?
Your dad’s dead…and right before father’s day. how horrible.
On the upside, you look pretty butch with that knife clenched between your teeth…who knew?
I’m pretty sure I could be having sex with 20 women at the same time and still not look that butch.
Aw, breakfast in bed, how sweet!
I’m glad to see your mom buys bottles and not cans. You’re surrounded, and obviously adored, by two very classy broads!
How are you going to top this when the anniversary rolls around?
Is Jar-Jar an STD now? I knew he was always fishy….