Jun
14
Why can’t I ever just stand there and be quiet? Why do I insist on trying to make a joke at every available moment?
So I’m in this really important person’s office at work. And he asks his assistant about the shredder they have, and whether it is heavy duty or not. And she says “Oh yes, it’s very powerful. It can do 20 pages at a time, credit cards, plastic sheets, anything you want.”
I take it upon myself to interject: “And small children.”
Never has a room been more silent.
I thought I was pretty funny.
June 14th, 2006 at 11:26 pm
I laughed.
June 15th, 2006 at 12:33 am
Hell, the mothers in my office make jokes like that!
June 15th, 2006 at 12:37 am
personally i would have snorted with laughter - but then i recently silenced a room by commenting loudly that i was sweating like a paedophile in a playground…
June 15th, 2006 at 4:56 am
..Or ….my personal fav…..Sweating like a paedophile in a Barney suit!
June 15th, 2006 at 5:54 am
Oh Craig, you’re like a funny Hitler!
June 15th, 2006 at 7:12 am
what about cats and puppies? We do need to get rid of all these mangy critters on the streets!
June 15th, 2006 at 8:16 am
BWAHAHAHAHA!! I laughed out loud here at work about what you said…and even louder at the photos you posted!
Maybe next time, you could just THINK the comment first…..
June 15th, 2006 at 9:14 am
Clearly, you need to come back to the penguin where we appreciate your sick sense of humor!
June 15th, 2006 at 9:18 am
All my friends laughed like madwomen when i fed my children into the paper shredder. altho it did cause quite a mess. Nothing a bottle of clorox and a fifth of mad dog couldn’t solve!
June 15th, 2006 at 10:58 am
OMG!!! I would have peed my pants with laughter. Those people are just so run down by the man…they are probably afraid to laugh at their own shadows…
June 15th, 2006 at 12:11 pm
I laughed.
But then again….I used to get fired a lot from my various too many to count office jobs.
I think I now know why.
June 15th, 2006 at 12:47 pm
Thanks for making me laugh—I work with a few morose people as well. Don’t they know that the day goes by more smoothly when you can LAUGH once in awhile.
Run down by the man—as Jen said.
June 15th, 2006 at 1:54 pm
Hee! Maybe they had just shredded their senses of humor?
June 15th, 2006 at 3:20 pm
You should have said, “And your ugly fucking faces.” That usually gets a laugh.
June 15th, 2006 at 6:38 pm
Or, for the ladies Gerry, like a lezza during the Miss World swimsuit round…
June 15th, 2006 at 11:50 pm
Once I had a friend who worked at the Planned Parenthood in East Lansing, Michigan. And instead of using shredders to dispose of the fetuses, they just used commercial grade ‘Dispos-Alls,’ the kind that they would use in a restaurant. Not quite the same, but that’s about the closest that I can think of actually shredding small children.
But that’s the thing. Fetuses aren’t kids. And what’s so sacred about kids or fetuses that you can’t shred them? Killjoys. You should work at Planned Parenthood.
June 16th, 2006 at 12:37 pm
You are a riot. Check out my entry on the Dork Disclaimer. I think I could mail you a copy if you need one!
September 17th, 2007 at 2:23 pm
Hahaha that’s awesome! That’s like when I was in a friends house for the first time ever, sitting in her kitchen talking to her parents, watching her two kittens run around. ‘Wow, they’re so small! I’m scared I’ll stand on them!’
For some reason I then felt compelled to say ‘CRUNCH!’ as a joke.
*Silence*