PUNTABULOUS GUIDE TO SURVIVING THE FUTURE

When travelling to the future, it is important to know the customs and rituals of the civilization of the future.

In today’s edition: INTERPLANETARY TRAVEL

By the year 3000, interplanetary travel is as commonplace as mothers eating their young. There are a few rules, that one should keep in mind when travelling interplanetarily:

1) When travelling to an uncharted world, one should bring a few people you don’t know along. If you run into any trouble, chances are they will be the first ones killed. Never, under any circumstances bring your best friend. Depending on the genre of the planet, they could be in some very serious danger.

2) Don’t over pack! Pack smart! Don’t waste space with inessentials such as oxygen or food. While heavy artillery is recommended, the most important item you can bring to an unchartered planet is your “lucky” thing. Whether it be a small knick-knack, a pack, or even a necklace given to you by your dying mother before leaving you on a set of church steps. This item will single handedly save your life.

3) Don’t drink the water. Especially if it is given to you by a Fenerian Spider Monkey. The water is fine, they just use it as a distraction so they can fling poo at you.

4) Keep in mind that all planets will have a single environment. In fact, Earth is the only planet in the universe to have multiple climates and topographies.

5) With any luck, the inhabitants of the planet you land on will live exactly like an ancient Earth civilization. Not because this helps you survive or fit in any easier, but because it makes it more relatable to the audience.

Congratulations! You are now ready to travel to a new and exciting world! By the way, in the future, mothers ritually eat their young.

For more Puntabulous Guides to Surviving the Future CLICK HERE!