Friday: Took second calculus test of the year, knew I failed miserably.

Monday: Turned in schedule change sheet to counselor in desperate attempt to drop Calculus.

Tuesday-Thursday: Waited for schedule to be changed, freaked out a little.

Thursday: Got back test, made a 29. I got seven problems on the whole thing right. Go me!

Friday: Out of Calculus. Hells yes.

I knew I was going to have my mind blown by Calculus, but I still kept trying. Then that test killed my soul a little, so I quit.

Quitting and my future (according to my dear Calculus teacher):

Since I quit Calculus, I am going to quit everything else in life when it gets too hard. I will probably become a drug addict, be beaten, and end up homeless as a result of dropping high school Calculus. I will flunk out of college because I am a quitter and will not be in any way successful in life.

My thoughts on this:

I’m going to go into the film industry. If that doesn’t work, I’ll be a writer. If that doesn’t work, then I’ll marry a rich man for his money. If that doesn’t work, it’s up to Puntabulous readers to support me. If that doesn’t work, I’ll illegally use my body to transport organs. I’ve had this plan for quite some time, I’m prepared. I need no Calculus. Boo Calculus. Sucks to your Calculus.

Now I have to go watch the Smallville season premiere. I’m hoping that we have some naked Lex Luthor action. Or Zod…whoever the hell he is right now. While I’m on the subject of Smallville, I’m pretty sure that Clarke and Lex have a thing for each other. I wish the show would take a turn in that direction, I’m tired of Lana, she looks like a chipmunk. Let’s get some hot man-on-man action.

Who was the marketing genius behind this idea?

Click the link to see how I envisioned the Marketing Meeting.

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Okay, here’s my rundown of the TV situation as of late:

Survivor: So not as big of a deal as people were making it out to be. My main question though concerns the “Asian-American” tribe. Aren’t Russians and Hindu from Asia also? Or did they just mean Asians with those wacky eyes?

Project Runway: Don’t make fun of me, but I totally had a crush on Bradley Baumkirchner. Michael is definitely going (and deserves) to win.

Grey’s Anatomy: I didn’t realize how much I missed it until I had it back again. I’m even starting to like Callie! I mean, don’t get me wrong, she’s still a crazy Phantom of the Opera lady, but she’s really sweet. On the other hand, Meredith and McDreamy are the two most horrible, selfish people in the whole wide world.

Heroes: Did anyone else watch this? I thought it was pretty good. It could be really good. But I am impatient and dorky and want a full-blown Superhero show complete with costumes and elaborate fight sequences. The cheerleader and the dorky Japanese guy are my favorites so far.

Dancing with the Stars: First off, yes, I have been watching this. And yes, with my mom. Harry Hamlin is scary. Joey Lawrence is scary. Jerry Springer is adorable. “High School Musical” girl is adorable. I guess I’m rooting for Mario Lopez, but why must he be such a rebel! Respect the dance Mario! Wait, did I just say “respect the dance”? I’m secretly wishing Lisa Rinna could make a comeback. Did you see her dancing to “The Final Countdown” last season? It was the only time a woman ever induced me to have an orgasm.

ER: Am I the only one who is still dedicated to this show? I’m taking this bad boy to the end. Or at least until Maura Tierney leaves.

Desperate Housewives: Alfre Woodard: I loved her in “Star Trek: First Contact”, hated her in this. I’m glad we can put that terrible storyline behind us. I vote for more Gabby fighting a nun.

The Office: Brilliant. “I wonder if Gil knows?”

Shows on the horizon:

Ugly Betty: I really want to like this show, and think I will, but I won’t be devestated if I don’t because Thursdays are busy enough as it is.

Lost: With all the mystery on this Island, do you want to know what I’m most curious about? That damn giant statue of a foot with four toes!

The O.C.: The what? Yeah, I think I’m done with you.

Veronica Mars: Please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please don’t be cancelled.

Battlestar Galactica: My new theory? Billy is a Cylon. Come on! It’s perfect! Straight-laced, suit-wearing Billy really being an ass-kicking Cylon. Assistant to the President and dating an integral crew member of the Galactica? Hello!? Cylon! Plus, how awesome would it be if he came back!? It would make for a shocking entrance! And I want to have his babies.

Here in Mississippi it’s essential for a girl to protect herself.

Click the link for the full story!

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Ever since our last music video, we’ve been trying to figure out which song to do next. Yes, there are lots of cheesy love songs out there, but it needs to be the perfect cheesy love song. I was driving home one day after work and this song came on the radio. It really sums up the relationship I have with Natalie Portman, my wife. I hope you enjoy.

Click the link for the full story!

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Okay, so I guess I should update you on THIS situation. There really isn’t much to say though. He sat next to me that first time, then the next day he didn’t. Then he wasn’t on the train for the following two days.

Then came monday and he didn’t sit next to me again. Boo! So when we both got off the train I caught up to him and said “Good morning”. He said “Hi” to which I quickly got embarrassed and ran away as quickly as possible. Normally I’m good at approaching guys, but the variable I left out of the equation was alcohol. Sweet, sweet alcohol. Without it I am powerless and embarrass easily.

Anyway, I must have done something right because the next day he sat next to me, we exchanged “Hellos” and we slept together again. Have I mentioned how handsome he is? Well he is. We did that thing where your arms and legs touch, but there is no way of telling if it’s intentional or not. Well, let me rephrase that: Clearly it is intentional on my behalf, but there is no way of telling if he’s just asleep and happens to making contact.

Since then he hasn’t sat next to me, and we haven’t exchanged words. And thats where I am in my life.

Since that story wasn’t very interesting, I will try and entertain you with one from my college days. It’s sad and tragic and you may shed a tear. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.

It takes place during my days at Binghamton University. There was this really handsome boy (No, not me. Another one.) Anyway, he was very handsome. Genuinely very hot. Not that hobbit type of handsome I’m normally attracted to (Dominic Monaghan makes me sweat). He was, like, really good looking.

The problem was, he was dating someone for about a year or so. Until one day, he comes up to me out of the blue and asks if I want to hang out. Turns out he had just broken up with his boyfriend. Clearly the halleluja chorus goes off in my head and I graciously accept.

Now, I’m sure by now you can figure out where this story is going. But I was young and naive and just thought a really hot guy wanted to go out with me. Like, model hot. Originally we were gonna go to the movies, but then it was decided that he’d just come out with me and all my friends to a bar.

Cut to: Drunken hook up that I can’t remember.

The next day as I try making plans for our second date, he informs me that him and his boyfriend got back together. In his defense, he was “really sorry”.

In conclusion:

I learned: I make an excellent rebound guy.

I lost: The ability to remember what the hottest person I will probably ever hook up with looks like naked.

I won: Dirty looks from his boyfriend for the remaining year and half of college.

I became: Hopeless.

Many times throughout the day, I can’t help but be amazed at the stupid, stupid things that people do. Not just stupid, but also annoying, pointless, and really, really stupid. Some of the things that people have done that were just damn unneccessary are the subject of discussion today here at Puntabulous.

1. Staring at a person when they walk into a room. This makes me feel uncomfortable! Would you want people staring at you after you went to the bathroom? No, no you would not. It makes me feel like I was in the bathroom shooting up so I could make it through the rest of Spanish class. And you know what? I wasn’t.

2. When someone walks into a room alone, closes the door, and begins doing very, very difficult calculus homework, you do NOT walk into the room and sit directly behind them. Even if you do do this, do not try to make conversation. Most of all, do not come into the room and constanty, and I mean really CONSTANTLY make weird throat clearing noises for the next half hour.

3. When someone is checking their email (me) on the school library computer, and has chosen either the one behind the library desk because they know it goes fastest or the special computer for teachers because no one can see the screen, do not stand behind the person and ask what they are doing. Is it not obvious that I am in a very serious email exchange with someone? And also, when someone is looking at a website that they will probably talk about how you are being obnoxious, do not ask them what they are looking at. If you weren’t annoying, then I would tell you.

4. When someone is obviously super proud of their kick-ass Star Wars pencil, don’t try to be cool and talk about how you hate Star Wars. If you hate Star Wars, then you are a redneck hillbilly asshole and not cultured. And also, Jesus hates you, you know why? Of course you don’t. Jesus LOVES Star Wars, and he thinks that you are STUPID and he is sending you straight to hell you SOB.

In conclusion, pretty much don’t invade peoples’ personal space, and don’t wave your Star Wars hating flag in front of me or Jesus or we will both hate you, especially Jesus.

Stars aren’t just large masses of gas, some are astronomical occurrences also!

This is the constellation Cygnus.

I call this one Nebulonce!

And where would Puntabulous be without a cheap Uranus joke?

We here at Puntabulous love playing hard, but studying hard isn’t so bad either.

Click the link for the full story!

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We here at Puntabulous would sooner watch “House of Sand and Fog” again than dress our dogs in costumes. But we understand that there are readers out there that have such desires. That’s why we have a handy guide to dressing your dogs for every occassion.

Click the link for the full story!

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