Puntabulous

The top ten things you should know about Olivia:

1. The basics - my name is Olivia. I am seventeen years old and currently live in Mississippi a little south of Memphis, Tennessee. It’s not exactly my choice to live here but I’m stuck here for now so it’s fine. There are a lot of stupid people here, but I guess there’s stupid people everywhere. But here it’s like frozen concentrate orange juice before you add the water, not super spread around, sort of a chunk. Anyway, I’m not from here.

2. I really, really, really, love plastic surgery shows, or any surgery shows for that matter. They seriously gross me out and are the best thing ever to be created. Extreme Makeover, Doctor 90210, golden! And the story of the Face-eating Tumor, luminous…

3. I watch a lot of TV. Not enough to be considered any kind of shut-in freaky weirdo, but still kind of a lot. As I’m writing this I’m watching “Sasquatch” an original SciFi movie event. It’s a picture that truly deserves more than it’s one star rating. With snappy dialogue and to-die-for acting, I’d give it three stars AT LEAST! I really like things like Star Wars and stuff. I had a crazy mad crush on Luke Skywalker when I was younger, up until he got his hand cut off by ol’ Darthy. I can’t love a man who isn’t handier with a light saber.

4. I work at the fine chain restauraunt, Quiznos. I write a lot about that on account of really how many truly interesting things go on there. I work with a lot of interestingly weird poeople who are for the most part very, very nice. I’ve had to be the giant Quiznos cup before and many, many exciting things happen on a daily basis. I’m a fantastic ‘wich maker. That’s what we call sandwiches in the biz. ‘wiches. Not really, I’m lying.

5. I often dream about being either a superhero or sexy spy. How cool would i be then? So super cool. If I were a superhero then I’d fly around or run really fast or have x-ray vision or at least some cool X-Men type power and save people all the time, and look good doing it of course. And if I were to be a sexy spy I’d be all seduce-seduce-kill-steal-the-secret-bomb-codes-seduce.

6. I’m going to be an amazing director/ producer/ writer in about six years. I graduate from high school in May, go to college for three to four years, then I’m giving myself a couple years of “struggling artist” time. If that plan doesn’t work out then I guess I’ll go for the sexy spy dream. If that doesn’t work I’ll use my body to illegally transport organs.

7. I’m pretty much in love with various men on a regular basis. There was Jason Mraz for the longest time, along with John Mayer, Jon Stewart, Hugh Grant, etc, etc. Right now my soul-mate is Callum Blue, who is only the most phenomenally attractive man ever.

8. I dislike most young children that I do not know. And a lot that I do know. I like babies, they’re great. But once you turn six, you are dead to me until your 11th birthday. If this makes me a terrible person with a heart of black darkness then I guess I accept that. They’re just… loud and want me to play with them and I can’t beat them at whatever game or else they’ll cry and I’m a really bad loser.

9. I’m a good kid. I don’t go out to those crazy kid field parties and get wasted or anything like that. I’d rather buy candy with my money than drugs. I love candy! Why would I want drugs? Those are expensive and then you don’t know what’s going on. I have control with candy, and it makes me feel good! And candy is usually under fifty cents for a candy bar. Delicious…

10. I don’t always think things through before I say or do them. Today at work there was Krazy Glue in the cash drawer and it said that it instantly bonded whatever was being glued. So I thought, psht, ya right, that’s crap. I couldn’t find anything to glue together so I put some on my right thumb and pressed it to my ring finger. I’ll have to let you know, Krazy Glue does not lie. I had to ring up two groups of people with my left hand because the right one was… incapacitated.

So there you go, the top ten things you should know about me. I’m not sure how important these things are, but I guess you should know them. I’m very, very excited to be writing for Puntabulous and I hope that you don’t hate me or anything.