Puntabulous

Welcome to another edition of Puntabulous-Counter-Puntabulous! In today’s edition, Craig and Olivia go head to head over one of the most important issues facing our times. Who is the best disgustingly skinny celebrity?

Here we go!

Olivia: As all of the world knows, Nicole Richie is the greatest star of our time. She is not only talented, but is an inspiration to all young girls for how to keep your stick-like figure!

Craig: I’m afraid I’m going to have to disagree. Actually no, I’m not so afraid. I’m for Kate Bosworth all the way. She’s like the dark horse of the skinny actress competition. No one expects it from her. She’s Kate Bosworth after all! She was in Blue Crush! But have you seen her lately? Wham! Disgusting!

Olivia: You must be joking dearest Craig. Nicole Richie was the original skinny celeb. Her boobs are melting away, THAT’S skinny! And she’s quite a joker, after being pointed out as super-skinny, she and her dear pal Lindsey Lohan joked about it on MTV. Oh, Nicole, you slay me!

Craig: What does being the original have to do about being the best? Was Richard Harris a better Dumbledore than Michael Gambon? Was Farrah Fawcett a better Charlie’s Angel than Drew Barrymore? Was Optimus Prime a better Autobot leader than Hot Rod? Okay, maybe that last one is a bad example. But the case remains, being the original does not equal being the best.

Olivia: Let’s go over some amazing originals followed by total crap. Original M&M’s, followed by crap crispy ones. Original Cap’n Crunch, followed by nasty crap Crunch Berries. The Orignal All-American Rejects album followed by the okay Move Along album but the first album was way better. Oh, and Nicole Richie followed by that whore Kate Bosworth. Knock-off.

Craig: First off, Crunch Berries is delicious. Are delicious? I’m not sure. Secondly, why the hell is Nichole Richie famous anyway? She contributes absolutely nothing to society. Oh wait, I take that back, she did appear in episodes of “8 Simple Rules for Dating My Teenage Daughter” and “Eve”. So she actually contributes negatively to society. Kate Bosworth was Lois Lane for goodness sakes! And not it that Goes-Psycho-in-a-Suburban-Community-Margot-Kidder way either!

Olivia: This is not a Crunch Berry Debate Craigory, this is a skinny celeb debate! Nicole Richie put herself into the shoes of others in multiple seasons of “The Simple Life.” Has effing Kate Bosworth done that?! No, no she has not. She parades around all “Ohhhh, I’m Kate Bosworth, I’m SO skinny! Look! I’m Lois Lane too! Weee!” Like a crazy person! Kate Bosworth=crazy person.

Craig: Let’s see, the first season of “The Simple Life” was funny, while the other two seasons were not. Oh wait, Nicole Richie got skinner with every season! Nicole Richie was not skinny when the good season of “The Simple Life” aired, making your point moot. But it appears as though you are not going to give up on this. So I see I need to bring out the big guns! Kate Bosworth has two different color eyes! Eyes! Two different colors! Bang! Bang!

Olivia: Oh yeah? Well Nicole Richie used to be a man! A MAN! That’s right! He then decided to be a feminist, but had to be a woman to do so! He/She went THAT far to put herself into the shoes of another! Then she wanted to see how the children affected by famine in Africa felt! BANG BANG Craig! What now!!!???

Craig: Yeah! Well one time! Kate Bosworth pretended to work as a cashier! To see how it feels to work her life away in front of a cash register! But then she won a contest to go on a date with this really hot celebrity that she was totally crushing on! But he turned out to be a jerk and she ended up with Topher Grace instead. That was totally awesome! So Kate does her fair share of charity work! I mean, who else is gonna dump Josh Duhamel for Topher Grace!

Olivia: Hmm, let’s see famine… cashier…. famine… cashier… FAMINE! Nicole Richie totally reinvented herself in the name of starving children. She even took out her extensions to show that she meant business. And she’s adopted, so she started on her journey to see what it’s like in others’ shoes very early, she wanted to see what it was like to be adopted by a music sensation! Did your precious Kate start that early? No sir…

Craig: The only reason Nicole Richie is so interested in starving children is because SHE IS A STARVING CHILD! Oh wait, so is Kate Bosworth. Moving on, you know the old saying, “Don’t judge a book by it’s cover”? I couldn’t agree more. Instead, we should judge people upon the people they date. Let’s see, Kate Bosworth dated Orlando Bloom. Orlando Bloom! Legolas for fucks sake! Nicole dated DJ AM. Who? Yeah, exactly!

Olivia: Whatev. Nicole Richie could kick Kate Bosworth’s ass. Or the bone that’s in the place of her ass, you know, because they’re so skinny and all. Nicole Richie is skinnier, more charitable, more understanding, and all in all better than stupid Kate Bosworth. Seriously, who has a name like BOSWORTH! She’s not Bos-Worth my time.

Craig: Oh please! Kate Bosworth is courageous (see Superman Returns), adorable (see Win a Date with Tad Hamilton), and tough-as-nails (see Blue Crush). Nicole Richie is moronic (see The Simple Life), idiotic (see The Simple Life), and insect-like (see her anytime). Besides, the only thing Nicole Richie could do to hurt someone is ask them to take her seriously.