I was trying not to laugh so I look sort of wild animalish/crazy personish.
It happened about two weeks ago, but I’m just getting around to blogging about it. It doesn’t look so bad it that picture, but it was terrible! Really ruined my face.
SO THIS IS HOW IT HAPPENED:
It was late thursday evening, and we had just finished a nice little rush. Had a few mean people, but nothing too extreme. We’re cleaning and stocking when a cruel looking fat woman walks in. She has one of those ear phones. She yells at us while we take her order and I get a general feeling that she’s not going to be the easiest customer. After about six minutes of her yelling at us and us remaking and remaking her sandwich over and over, we finally get done. The problem is, there was a to-go order at the same time, and we mixed up her sandwich with one of the to-go ones.
So she has her sandwich that isn’t really hers in the Q tray, and she looks at it (I’m at the register, smiling as best I can) and she goes “This isn’t my fucking sandwich.” and then she chunks her Q at me. So the Q sort of does this spinning boomerang type thing and hit me right in the face. I sort of stumble to the side, and she comes around where the swingy door thing is, and goes “Can’t you fucking morons make a fucking sandwich? How fucking stupid can you be!?” and all I can think to say is, “I’m sorry, we’ll remake it, I’m very sorry ma’am.”
And so apparently this pissed her off more, because then she starts coming at me, and pushes me. I’m pretty much a wimp, so I kinda go “Ahhhahh!” and Aaron (being a strong boy) comes to help. So he comes and asks the lady to please leave and she starts yelling and hitting him. He doesn’t get hurt b/c he’s a strong boy. So I go to the back and see that I’m bleeding now. I can hear that lady yelling and not leaving and now I’m scared she has a gun or something. So I get on my cell phone and call the po-po. The lady asks what my emergency is and I tell her and she doesn’t believe me but then I start kinda freaking out and she tells me that some “units” are in the area and she’ll send them right away.
About two minutes later we see the flashy lights and the po-po is there. I let one in the back door and the other goes to the front and then they tell me to stay towards the back, just in case. So I do. I hear the lady go “Oh ho ho ho! So you called the fucking police! How original!” Then they arrested her and took her away. Then I got police interviewed and told them what happened. We sued that ho’s ass. Quiznos I mean. For assault and disturbing the peace.
Everything up there isn’t true. I made it up. What really happened was that I was doing dishes and one fell down off the rack and hit me in the face, then bounced off my face and hit my wrist. But the first story is way better.
Bye bye.
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6 users responded in this post
Oliva,
That was very mean! I was totally concerned and was going to come out there and pound that lady for you, or at least yell at her in the way that only a bitchy gay man can. Good story though.
hope the face and wrist feels better
mj
Great story. You and your lies will go far.
I was sitting at my desk, mouth hanging open in horror and disbelief . . . thinking “Holy S&!$balls, Bat Girl!” I should have just stuck with the disbelief.
boring. honestly.
Someone with the name Nana should be nicer. After all, we called my grandmother Nana and she was lovely.
I enjoyed it thoroughly.
Lol, I told that story (but with more emotion and flailing of hands, etc) to everyone I knew (including my manager) and they believed me until I told them otherwise, it’s been fun, things need to happen to my face more often.
Nana, you are not very nice.
Craig, you are fantastic, as is your Nana.
Tell Me What a Dork I Am!