Dec
4
In today’s edition of Puntabulous-Counter-Puntabulous, Craig and Olivia go head to head over this seasons most important question. Which Christmas Carol is the best?
Olivia: The Twelve Days of Christmas is indubitably the BEST Christmas song there is. It covers everything Christmas related, and is sung to a snappy tune. It’s not just a short, sissy Christmas song either, it’s long! To sing it takes mad skill.
Craig: Are you kidding me!? Anyone in their right mind knows that The Little Drummer Boy is by FAR the best Christmas Carol. If by “snappy” you mean that the listener will “want to snap their head off out of boredom because the song is so freaking long and repetitive” then I would have to agree, your choice is snappy indeed.
Olivia: Little Drummer Boy?! Are you serious!!?? The singer of the song has to sing the drumming! That’s cheap! Rum bum bum BUM!? Rum bum bum suck is more like it! The Twelve Days of Christmas has something for everyone, my favorite, “fiiiive golden rings.” Every sane person loves to sing that part. I assume that since you’d want to snap your head off while listening to The Twelve Days of Christmas I will assume you are a crazy person. I can’t take your word for anything.
Craig: Oh. My. God. Not only is that song the worst, but that verse is even worser! Five Golden Rings! That is the point of the song where everyone who sings it, actually THINKS they can sing, and they accentuate, exagerate, elongate and any other “ates” out there because they think they are actually good singers! The Little Drummer boy is about a poor little boy who can’t afford to get Baby Jesus any gold, frankincense, or mir and can only give him the music from his drum. Anyone who doesn’t love that hates poor people and Baby Jesus.
Olivia: Sounds like something a crazy person would say to me. Twelve days of Christmas is about TRUE LOVE! Last time I checked, true love conquers all. Do I even need to keep debating? Yes, yes I do. But not because I didn’t make the greatest point ever there, but because I wish to verbally abuse you. Check it out: geese a-laying? maids a-milking? That’s right, you have eggs and milk from that song, you won’t go hungry. Poor little drummer boy can’t get you food, only shitty drumming, he’s poor!
Craig: It would seem that my suspicions are correct. You DO hate poor people. Poor children even! This “true love” that’s always sending crap to the singers house must be like a gazillionaire or something, which I suppose is the only reason why you love it so much. You love money! If this really were “true love” as you say, then why does the person need to buy their love with all those ridiculous presents? Pa Rum Pum Pum Pum comes from the heart, directly through my soul and into the heart of Baby Jesus.
Olivia: I call it like I see it. I do love money, because I could buy Baby Jesus presents if I had to, I wouldn’t have to go through the town drumming and waking everyone up, including Baby Jesus who was newly born and probably taking a nap!! Baby Jesus hates random drumming! But he loves two turtle doves and a partridge in a pear tree.
Craig: Actually, there was no one in the vicinity of the exquisitely beautiful drumming because money hungry monsters such as yourself wouldn’t give Baby Jesus’ parental units a room in any of the inns because they were broke! So they were in the ass crack of Bethlehem, where only themselves and farm animals were around to appreciate such fine drumming. Also, Baby Jesus wasn’t napping because there was too much saving-the-world to do. I’m pretty sure the Bible says that the drumming acted as his “thinkin’ music”.
Olivia: Your sacreligious defense of The Little Drummer Boy makes me throw up in my mouth! I’m relatively sure now that the Little Drummer Boy was probably the Antichrist anyway, who else would drum to wake up little Baby Jesus who was trying to take a nap before saving the world, etc.?? The Twelve Days of Christmas didn’t wake up Baby Jesus! It’s about presents! Who doesn’t love presents!? Sinners! That’s who! You know what else sinners like? Little Drummer Boys.
Craig: You’re right. The Twelve Days of Christmas didn’t wake up Baby Jesus, or anyone for that matter because it is the most boring Christmas Carol in the whole wide world. It doesn’t wake people up, it puts them to sleep! Eleven Pipers Piping! Ten Lords a Leaping! Nine Ladies blah biddy blah blah zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz. Wait. What was that? The gentle drumming of a poor little orphan boy? I’m suddenly awake and interested again! Yay for little boys!
Olivia: I beg to diffa. (Like on American Idol.) Twelve Days of Christmas or one stupid drumming idiot child that wakes up towns and Baby Jesus and whom Jesus hates. If you don’t agree with me on this one, Jesus hates you also. And so do I. Twelve Days of Christmas has something for everyone!!! Ten Lords a Leaping! I LOVE lords! I love birds in trees! And so does God.
Craig: That’s it! I couldn’t figure out who you reminded me of, but your American Idol reference totally jogged my memory! You’re like Paula Abdul! You have no idea what you’re talking about! The Little Drummer Boy is the best because it proves that you don’t have to be rich, to be my messiah. And unless these Lords are leaping directly into my lap, I’m afraid that I don’t give a damn about them. Ladies Dancing? Nope! Not interested! Oh, and a partridge in a pear tree? Sorry! Return to sender!
December 4th, 2006 at 11:37 am
I’m afraid I’m going to have to go with Olivia on this one. Twelve Days of Christmas is the best - apart from maybe Fairytale of New York
December 4th, 2006 at 12:14 pm
Craig can come drumming at my door anytime he likes, I won’t turn him away.
December 4th, 2006 at 1:51 pm
Why can’t Puntabulous just get along!? So confrontational.
December 4th, 2006 at 2:37 pm
Olivia, you ignorant slut. Gotta go with Craig on this one. Pa-rum-pa-pum-pum, bitches!
December 4th, 2006 at 2:51 pm
hmmm close debate. The Little Drummer Boy is a song that actually references the true meaning of Christmas…that being baby Jesus
while The Twelve Days of Christmas symbolizes the commercialized new Christmas with gifts and thanksgiving day sales to make you buy more gifts and several birds in trees.
however both are annoying songs to sing or listen to….
December 4th, 2006 at 3:16 pm
I am with Craig on this one…
I much prefer Little Drummer Boy (except for that gawdawful stop motion cartoon thingy they did).
12 days is ass.
December 4th, 2006 at 3:24 pm
You are both wrong–the best Christmas song ever is Mariah Carey’s “All I want for Christmas is you.” Snappy!
December 4th, 2006 at 3:28 pm
As long as no one is pushing “The Most Wonderful Time of the Year” … did anyone ever notice the lyric about “There’ll be scary ghost stories…”
wtf puntabulous posters… am i missing something i.e. a potentially wonderful part of the year because my family and I did not know we were supposed to gather round the tree, sip some cocoa, and tell scary ghost stories. silly us.
December 4th, 2006 at 4:13 pm
I gotta go with Olivia. Just for the castrati ‘5 gold rings’ part alone.
December 4th, 2006 at 4:37 pm
Rebekah,
I never understood the “scary ghost stories” either! What person in their right mind tells scary ghost stories on Christmas?
“And if you’re not good, Santa will come and slice you up!”
December 4th, 2006 at 7:54 pm
Everyone who went with me, good job, you’re not dead to me. Brian, you are a whore, so there!
Rebekah, your name is spelled in a super cool way. I always thought of Santa as a bit of a scary story- the man breaks into your house in the middle of the night and leaves packages that could be bombs. Creepy! Probably is a bit of a peeping tom too.
December 4th, 2006 at 10:28 pm
Okay, I just have to say that I LOVE IT when you fight. You are both so cute when you are irritated. If I had to pick between your songs or die, I’d pick Drummer Boy. I’m so sorry Olivia, I wanted to side with you — but your song sucks and annoys. What? No votes for that childhood classic “Do you hear what I hear?”
Pa rumpa pum pum…..
December 5th, 2006 at 11:49 am
“Santa Baby” as sung by Eartha Kitt. Period, end of dicussion. Nobody purrs quite like Ms. Eartha.
But, I did think Craig was excessively cute when he was asleep in the one photo…except for the little like of drool, but I can overlook that.
HUGS….
December 5th, 2006 at 4:22 pm
I may be a whore but I’m a whore who knows good Christmas music.
Wow. Whore. That hurt.
December 6th, 2006 at 9:17 am
No Christmas carol is worthy of being my favorite unless it’s sung by the Chipmunks. A Chipmunks and Chipettes collaboration would just send me over the edge.
December 6th, 2006 at 1:48 pm
I’ve gotta go with Olivia. She formed the better argument. Sorry Craig. Next time bring your ‘A’ game. That’s right, bring it.
December 13th, 2006 at 3:11 pm
I have to agree with Ashwini on this. The best Christmas song is Mariah Carey’s “All I Want For Christmas Is You” because all anyone should want for Christmas is me. I make a fabulous present- one size fits all!
Of course, I don’t want me for Christmas because, well, that would be redundant, so I made a wishlist on Amazon.com I can send you if you need help picking out my present.
December 13th, 2006 at 3:11 pm
Oh wait… on re-reading the post, you’re talking about Christmas carols, i.e. songs you can go door-to-door singing in an effort to annoy the neighbors.
In that case I gotta go with Craig. The little drummer boy would smack all those “12 days” bitches up. Besides… has anyone looked at a Calendar? I only see one day of Christmas.
December 29th, 2006 at 11:20 am
I just came across your site and found this debate over which is the best Christmas carol. Personally I find both of these songs kind of annoying to sing. Here are some things that I think should be added to the debate…to be honest I don’t really like either of these carols.
In that case the 12 days of Christmas, the song was written to symbolize key points of the Catholic Christian beliefs during a time when they were prosecuted…here’s what the verses actually mean:
A Partridge in a Pear Tree = Baby Jesus
2 Turtle Doves = The Old and New Testaments
3 French Hens = Faith, Hope and Charity, the Theological Virtues
4 Calling Birds = the Four Gospels and/or the Four Evangelists
5 Golden Rings = The first Five Books of the Old Testament, the “Pentateuch”, which gives the history of man’s fall from grace.
6 Geese A-laying = the six days of creation
7 Swans A-swimming = the seven gifts of the Holy Spirit, the seven sacraments
8 Maids A-milking = the eight beatitudes
9 Ladies Dancing = the nine Fruits of the Holy Spirit
10 Lords A-leaping = the ten commandments
11 Pipers Piping = the eleven faithful apostles
12 Drummers Drumming = the twelve points of doctrine in the Apostle’s Creed
As for the Little Drummer Boy…The lyrics tell the apocryphal (may have been included in a book of the bible that was not included in the New Testament, like in the Da Vinci Code, there are books written by people back in the days of Jesus that weren’t included in the bible) story of a poor young boy who, unable to afford a gift for the infant Jesus, plays his drum for the newborn with the Virgin Mary’s approval.