Puntabulous

Recently, I have been noticing many, many groups being totally put down without the putter-downers even noticing! During the holiday season, especially, those who do not celebrate Christmas are ridiculed as “Merry Christmas!” is thrown in their faces! Well folks, I’m about to get my defend on, and today, I have the Jews’ backs!

I, as an individual whom is one eighth Jewish, am completely offended and generally put-down by this Christmas tyranny!!

It’s always, “Hey! Buy this amazing George Foreman Grill to put under the Christmas Tree “. Oh yeah?! What about a Chanukah bush, you heartless Christmas-junkie-advertising-people?!

And you know that Chanukah is AWESOME! Seriously! Did Adam Sandler not show the world so in “Eight Crazy Nights?” I rest my case. Gotcha! I don’t. Because I have WAY more crazy important/amazing points to make.

Christmas dictators go on about this one glorious day of gifts and Baby Jesus. What they don’t remind you of is how it all goes so quickly on Christmas morning. With Chanukah, you have eight NIGHTS of presents. A few here, a few there, it lasts over a week!

And you get to light candles! Who in their right mind doesn’t like fire?! Plus, you have to remember that these Christmas-Drug-Pushers keep on about the Baby Jesus, but they don’t remind you about how the Baby Jesus was a Jew, lighting his little Baby Jesus Chanukah candles. Can’t knock what the Baby Jesus did. No sir. Unless it’s soiling yourself, as babies do. You probably shouldn’t do that.

In conclusion, “Happy Holidays” is the gracious, respectable thing to yell at Quiznos employees as well as others in other instances when either you, or they, are leaving/entering a place. Because when you yell “Merry Christmas!” to me, at least, one eighth of me is totally ticked.

(I did have a wonderful Christmas though, and I hope you did too! Or Chanukah! And also Kwanza! And any other Winter-related holiday!)