Mar
19
It’s inevitable, you are bound to run into someone whom you know strictly through the internet at some point in your life. This sort of situation can go down in a few ways: awkwardly, phenomenally, or not at all. Here is a guide based on my real life experiences, which are few and uneventful:
Situation One: You and said internet person did not plan to meet, but just ran into each other.
Awkward: You had a weird, internet love experience. Upon seeing this person, you call their name out in a friendly manner. You both then realize how weird the situation is and make small talk. Previous visions of magical, real-life love affair is completely lost.
How to fix it: Next time, think before you yell names.
Situation Two: You have spoken to this person, but not outside of the internet world. You have learned that you two are very much alike and are buddies.
Great! - This is not awkward, because you both think you’re great! And not in that fake “my-mom-thinks-I’m-great” kind of way either. Actual greatness.
How to mess up the situation: Asking for money, revealing a personal detail (“Hey! The price of this coffee is the same as my social security number!”), or making a really terrible joke.
Situation Three: This person has been stalking you, and leaves you odd messages.
Not at All! - Do not make eye contact and RUN! Don’t actually run though, as this may draw attention to you. If with a friend (the fatter the better), hide behind said friend, and casually walk away.
If person spots you, be sure that you have a universal “Jesus, save me” signal with everyone you know. Mine is intense twitching, because this also turns your stalker off, and they will think you are crazy and no longer wish to speak to you. Your friend, if they are smart, will dial your cell phone, and you will be able to make an excuse to leave.
