Apr
24
You know, Thankgiving shouldn’t be the only time of year for giving thanks. Here’s a list of things I’m currently grateful for:
1) You know when you have a dream where you really have to pee? And you’re searching and searching for a place to pee, but can never find one? And when you wake up, you really do have to pee? Well I’m grateful that I never find a place to pee in my dream. Because that would probably be unfortunate.
2) I’m grateful my mom isn’t one of those people that claps at the end of movies. I realize that may seem like a really random thing to be grateful for, but she claps during Dancing with the Stars, which is where I draw the line.
3) I’m grateful that The Search for the Next Pussycat Doll is over so Veronica Mars can come back and have it’s place in the schedule back.
4) I’m grateful that Heroes is back so I have a legitimate excuse to finally give up on this crappy season of 24. Don’t worry, I’ll see you next year Jack. Remember when Kumar was on? That was today!
5) I’m grateful Renee from America’s Next Top Model has made nice with the other girls on the show. Even though she was a bitch, she’s my favorite. Okay fine, she may very well turn into a bitch again at any moment, but she’s so pretty!
6) Then there is this comment that I got on Monday’s Gawker mention:
To think, that I could single-handedly destroy the internet! Not to mention the effect I have on average citizens! I can literally make people shove electronics up their asses and erase their hard drives. That’s a power that hasn’t been mentioned on Heroes yet. Sylar, would be all like “Hey, I want your power, let me cut open your brain!” and I’d be like “Oh no! Don’t kill me and take my making people shove electronics up their ass and erase their hard drive power!” and he’d be like “That’s what you can do? Gross!” and he’d leave me alone. Hey! Maybe that’s what Nathan and Peter Petrelli’s mom can do! Anyway, I’m grateful that I use my powers for good and not for evil. I could probably wipe out small countries with my hideous lameness without even blinking. (I’m looking at you Gibraltar!*)
*Yes, I know Gibraltar is technically a British territory, stop being a dork.
April 24th, 2007 at 10:03 pm
Pft. Some people are so jealous.
They are probably just pissed because they didn’t think of it first.
April 25th, 2007 at 8:06 am
I am so glad I never find a place to pee in my dream also. Well I did actually one time but I won’t mention that. Let’s just say - ewwwwww.
And congrats on killing the internet. I really figured that a gay guy would have a hand in killing it — so I’m kind of happy.
April 25th, 2007 at 8:20 am
1) I’m with DWQ Online…I dreamed I found a place to pee…NOT a good situation…
4) You are so right! Heroes gets better and better, eh?
6) Wow, such power. In addition to the powers mentioned, don’t forget that you have the power of being so cool and righteous that you can make total strangers, with really stupid names, green with envy and jealousy, and make them lash out with whiney bitchy comments. Cool.
HUGS….
April 25th, 2007 at 1:05 pm
Yes, I too worry about the “finding a place to pee” aspect of my dreams.
April 25th, 2007 at 1:43 pm
puntabulous saved the internet… and my life.
April 25th, 2007 at 2:26 pm
Seriously; how anyone calling themselves “pope john peeps II” can suggest than someone else has lowered the tone of the internet beggars belief. Why not just call himself “hi, I’m a giant twat: ignore me” and have done with it. Funny image though - ‘man farts on mouse inserted in rectum’. Explain that in the ER.
April 25th, 2007 at 3:41 pm
I *always* have dreams that I’m looking for somewhere to pee. I actually usually find somewhere, but some overpowering cheeseburger craving or square dancing rhino always forces me to evacuate whatever magical dream bathroom I’ve entered.
And I’m very impressed with your destruction of the Internet. Seriously. Good job.
April 25th, 2007 at 8:02 pm
Pope John Peeps II is a dick. And not in the good way. Eff him.
Oh, and my friends and I made a short film this weekend as part of the warm-ups for the DC 48-hour film festival, and as soon as we are done with the edits, I’m going to send you a copy. You may want to be sitting down when you watch it though. Your wife, Natalie Portman, gets a little naughty with another girl. Thought you should know.
April 25th, 2007 at 8:46 pm
Pope John Peeps II is a moron loser.
I have dreams where I have to pee, but all the toilets either have no doors or doors made of glass. What does that mean???????
April 25th, 2007 at 9:33 pm
LMAO…you should be proud of that Gawker mention. By the way, the whole thing about finding a place to pee while you’re dreaming. Did you ever read that post I wrote about how I thought I dreamed that I peed in a closet and I actually did pee in the closet? You should…
June 3rd, 2007 at 10:07 pm
Fuck you all too.
Cheerfully!