Puntabulous

I love most people, I really do. That’s actually a lie, I’d say I like seventy-five percent of people, which is most. I love babies and kittens. I’m telling you this to really make you understand how angry I get when I’m driving.

The Top Ten Things I HATE That People Do When Driving:

1. If you are in a giant, I mean GIANT, SUV, Truck, or even a Jeep, not a flippy over Jeep, but like, a Cherokee, and you SLOW DOWN to almost a STOP to go over a bump in the road, I hate you. I have a Jeep, and I use that Jeep. My Cherokee is smaller than your Yukon, and you need to blast over those bumps like a man. It’s giant for a reason.

2. If you throw things out of your window, I hate you. A bird is going to eat that, and die. You are a killing machine.

3. There are blinkers for a reason, they are to BLINK! You use them to show me which way you are going! And they also tell me why you are slowing down!! If you just start slowing down, I’m really tempted to just smash into you! To teach you a lesson on blinkage.

4. People that fly through parking lots. They are a safe haven, and you are ruining them. I have to be all ninja-like when I’m parking! I think it’s safe to pull out, and WHOOSH! There’s some whore flying behind me!

5. Also on the subject of parking lots, if you sit there waiting for a space that someone is getting ready to back out of, for like, literally, five minutes, then you’re dead to me. Unless it is a crazy situation, where there are NO spaces at the end, then there is no reason for that mess.

6. Don’t yell at me when I’m driving in the same area as you and not going as fast as you’d like. I’m going the speed limit, maybe safely over, and you are a redneck and I hate you.

7. If I am driving you someplace, and you take your seatbelt off after I’ve made you put it on, I am going to stop the car and kick your ass. If I get pulled over, I am going to get fined like there is no tomorrow for you being stupid, and that is no good.

8. Also if I am the driver and you are the passenger, don’t mess with whatever is on the radio. I have delicate playlists for my driving and listening pleasure, and if you mess with that, I might crash and kill all of us. And do not question the playlist names, i.e. Nice Music, Happy Music, and The Absolute Most Fantastic Songs. They make sense to me, and I am in charge.

9. Don’t play your country music so loud that it drowns out my perfect playlistness. I will beat you in an “I hate your music, watch mine go louder” contest.

10. Don’t look at me at stops. It makes me uncomfortable, and I wasn’t looking at you. You had better watch the road, or else you will miss something, and probably die.