I’ve decided that should I ever be on a mysterious, uncharted, crazy island such as the one on Lost, I’d probably be pretty good at it. Or at least better than they are on television, movies, etc, etc. How? I will tell you, in my seven step plan for crazy island sucess:
1. Establish myself as the leader. This would be done by beating up the alpha-male, such as Jack on Lost. Or I’d tell him he looked fat in his outfit, and he already has all that emotion trauma, so hopefully that would put him over the edge and he’d go crazy, leaving me to rule my island. I would sit some place high up and eat some magical island fruit and take advantage of my various hot man subjects, i.e. Charlie, Sawyer.
2. Assert a class system. These classes would be something along the lines of me at the top, sweaty man subjects right below me, the hardcore chicks, the just okay guys that are good at cooking and stuff, and then the stupid people that I didn’t really like at all. The hardcore chicks would be totally in charge of the stupid people, taking them out into the jungle to find traps that the crazy island lady has left, or the crazy island dwellers, etc.
3. Make friends with the Crazy Island Dwellers. Because really, that’s a smart move. They have little houses! And like, probably a spa! They have an awesome set-up, and you’d be just ridonkulous not to go be friends with them.
4. Train Jungle Beast for my own benefit. With a crazy smoke monster on my side, or a polar bear, whatever, not important, I can overthrow the Crazy Island Dwellers, therefore, becoming Supreme Ruler of all the Crazy Island. At this point I would obtain a crown.
5. Hold a trick election. This would make me seem fair, and trustworthy. Of course, my opponent would lose whether or not my loyal subjects voted for he or she. It would be a lot like another election, but far more attractive.
6. Being found out. One of my sweaty island man sex slaves would let slip my evil doings to his lover, and on my island, word spreads like wildfire! I’d be surrounded in my hut by my angry subjects until…
7. I cry. Probably not even part of the original plan, but I’d be scared and sad that Fernando betrayed me. Once I start crying, everyone would feel bad for me, restore me to my throne, and we’d all live happily ever after.
It’s fool-proof.
now, you just have to get the money together for a plane flying over a large body of water that’s gonna crash on your island….
HUGS…
I was a little confused as to why the rest of the 815 survivors didn’t move into the houses that the others were living in after they took off with Locke. Those houses are now sitting empty on the other side of the island . . . what a waste!
Don’t forget: eat the weak and useless. They’re just dead weight and you need the protein. Plus, it’s just time for those peckers to die.