So I’m not sure who this guy is, but I’ve been doodling him in all my college notebooks for years. There isn’t a notebook I own that doesn’t have him lingering around in the margins. It would be cool if I was subconsciously doodling him because it had something to do with fate and my life holding a higher meaning, but that only happens in Battlestar Galactica. And no matter how much I try, my life is not like Battlestar Galactica.
I’m pretty sure this guy is evil though. Doesn’t he just look evil? Here are some things he does that makes me think he’s evil:
1) He goes to blogs where he is knowingly NOT a member of the target audience and leaves nasty comments.
2) He is able to subconsciously send people in your direction after you fart in public.
3) He gets all dramatic when you don’t hold his hand during a movie at the theater.
4) He kinda looks like a vagina.
5) He flipped out on internet message boards when a blonde James Bond was cast and vowed never to see the movie, and then never issued a public apology when Casino Royale kicked ass.
6) He leaves you really long voicemails that go on and on, and then when he leaves his telephone number he speeds through it, forcing you to listen to his god-awful-long message two or three times so you can write down the number.
7) He’s a close-talker. A close-talker with coffee breath.
He breaks up with you by getting all weird for a week and then ignoring you.
9) Remember that dog that your parents sent to live on a farm when you were five years old? He was driving the car that ran her over while you were at school.
10) He says: “Oh, you got a haircut” and then just stops talking.
Is that really what a vagina looks like? EWWW – it’s worse than I thought.
How did you know Fluffy went to a farm. Dang, I’m 27 and fluffy was just a pup when she went to the farm and though I haven’t talked to her since then, she must be like 28 years old. that’s pretty old for a dog right?
How very Tim Burton of you.
I can’t believe it. When I tell other people that my parents send our dog to go ‘live on a farm,’ they’re struck by two things. The first being is that my mother is obviously a total bitch. The second is that my sister and I would be so stupid as to believe them.
I’ve always been under the impression that this was an isolated and rare sort of event. I’m beginning to suspect that it’s more widespread than I thought.
I thought that was some kind of shroud or cape hanging down from “arms,” but I guess, based on number 4, that it’s actually just his meat curtains.
Ew. I’ve never actually typed those words before, and it grossed me out a little.
What was it with parents telling their kids that the dog they had put down was sent to a farm? That happened to me, too!!!
Meanwhile, your drawing is obviously an evil Templar drummed up from the collective unconscious.