Puntabulous

PUNTABULOUS PICKS HIMSELF OUT OF A LINE-UP

This is where I examine a group of people and pick out who I wish I was, and who I really am. Last time I did Starship Crews, this time it’s Cartoon Series:

CARTOON SERIES: Transformers
I WISH I WAS: Optimus Prime. Who didn’t want to be Optimus Prime? Fucking Hot Rod. He ruined everything. Rodimus Prime, my ass!
BUT I REALLY AM: Perceptor. It would be my luck that my alternate mode would be a microscope. Why the hell would a giant robot turn into a microscope? Do they not have normal sized microscopes in super advanced futuristic world of 2005? But then again:

CARTOON SERIES: DuckTales
I WISH I WAS: GizmoDuck. Hooverboards? You can keep them. Underwater Bubble Cities? No thanks. I hate seafood. I was waiting for technology to advance enough for me to shout out “Blathering Blatherskyte” and I would immediately turn into a super amazing crime-fighting cyborg.
I ALSO WISH I WAS: Scrooge McDuck. I didn’t want to have Scrooge McDuck’s money. I wanted to be able to swim in Scrooge McDuck’s money. Okay, fine, I’d like to have it too.
BUT I REALLY AM: Duckworth. In a world of ducks, I’m the butler dog.

CARTOON SERIES: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
I WISH I WAS: Leonardo. Before I accepted my fate as the dorky one, I always yearned to be the leader. As the leader you’d get the cool colors, the cool weapons, and the cool one liners. What did you get as the dorky one?
BUT I REALLY AM: Donatello. Dork? Check. Lamest Weapon? Check. Purple? Check. Sigh.

CARTOON SERIES: The Smurfs
I WISH I WAS: No, not Smurfette, you disgusting bastards. Handy Smurf. He was smart, he was crafty, and he was man enough to admit that his body wasn’t cut out for him to walk around shirtless. Viva la overalls!
BUT I REALLY AM: Vanity Smurf. I can’t quite put my finger on it, but something about me just screams Vanity Smurf.

CARTOON SERIES: Winnie the Pooh
I WISH I WAS: Tigger. He’s like the Balki Bartokomous of the Hundred Acre Wood. I wish I was so happy and free-spirited.
BUT I REALLY AM: Piglet. He and I are like the Larry Appleton of the Hundred Acre Wood, being nervous and neurotic most of the time. “Oh gosh! Oh dear! Oh, my, my, my!” Except when I do it there’s a few “fucks” thrown in for good measure.

CARTOON SERIES: Family Guy
I WISH I WAS: Brian Griffin. Yes, the dog. If I could be half as sophisticated as Brian, I might be more successful at dinner parties. The last one I went to I made a joke to someone I just met about her ending up drunk and topless, dancing on the table. She didn’t think it was that funny. And by “that funny”, I mean “funny”.
BUT I REALLY AM: Meg Griffin. The following clip just about sums it up:

TELEVISION | Craig | July 2, 2007 8:29 am

10 Comments

By DWQ Online, July 2, 2007 @ 10:03 am

It’s okay I’m Chris Griffin. It is hard to face but it is so true. Fortunately, I am Winnie the Pooh if I was a Pooh character.
By Antonio, July 2, 2007 @ 10:21 am

Holy crap, did that microscope shoot a laser????
By Sven, July 2, 2007 @ 10:30 am

I think I used to have a crush on Michaelangelo from TMNT. There was something cute about his loveable stoner routine. I think I went off him when he didn’t save me from getting beaten up after school. Swine.
By Howard, July 2, 2007 @ 4:53 pm

“I canâ€™t quite put my finger on it, but something about me just screams Vanity Smurf.”

Could it be you’re gay?

True story. There is an episode where Papa Smurf decided that they should throw a party. Here’s the dialog:

Handy: I’ll build the picnic tables!
Smurfette: I’ll do the decorations!
Vanity: Oh, I’ll do the floral arrangements!

I’m almost peed my pants.
By Polt, July 2, 2007 @ 5:17 pm

…..ya know, the only one of these I’ve ever watched is Family Guy….

I am SO old….
By Brian F., July 3, 2007 @ 9:01 am

Seriously? Do people spit on you just to grease you up?

That’s….kinda hot.
By Adam, July 3, 2007 @ 9:13 am

Craig, I saw an advanced screening of the Transformers movie last night at 8:30PM EDT. Did I beat you? Are you jealous?

By the way you may not be cool enough to be perceptor. I am thinking that you are more like that one geeky Autobot that built the Dinobots. By the way, why was he able to build the Dinobots so that they could fly but was unable to retrofit the rest of the Autobots so that they could fly as well?

Damn, now I sound like the geek!!!
By shirley, July 4, 2007 @ 4:23 am

omg, rits & I are always talking about swimming through money like uncle scrooge! remember that episode where he dives into his money but hits it instead of going in? I think that moment made me grow up a little as a child.
By Steven., November 27, 2007 @ 1:43 am

In Canada, The Smurfs were also known as Les Stromfs in French.

We’re very cosmopolitan that way.