Puntabulous

Subpar Subway Etiquette?

When exiting the subway car, what are the rules when letting ladies go first? Please refer to the diagram below:

The above picture is a simple (minded) schematic of people exiting a subway car. The green people aren’t moving. The blue and pink people are taking turns leaving. The one marked L left first from the left side, followed by the one marked R from the right side. I’m the one marked C and should technically leave next, but do I have a moral obligation to give up my turn and let the Pink one (who is a girl, obvs) leave before me? Or do I ignore social graces and take my rightful turn?

As an angry New York commuter trying to catch my connecting train, I took my turn before the lady. (Who was my age, but it seems weird to call her a girl. Why is there no equivalent to “guy” in the female realm? Gal? Doll? But that’s a post for another day.)

Was it wrong of me? Should I have let her go first? Or was it okay, since it had been established that the left and right lines were taking turns? Thoughts?

RANDOM | Craig | October 5, 2007 5:16 am

17 Comments

By Colleen, October 5, 2007 @ 7:49 am

Forgetaboutit, no biggie.
By Polt, October 5, 2007 @ 8:45 am

On a NY subway, I think anytime you can exit the car without getting shot or stabbed was the correct way to exit it.

HUGS…
By Miss Britt, October 5, 2007 @ 9:54 am

boy = girl
man = woman
guy = chic
By Adam, October 5, 2007 @ 10:04 am

You should have let the woman go first.

Also recommend ignoring Miss Britt and NOT call women “chicsâ€ they usually don’t like for men to call them “chics”. Even though they sometimes call each other “chics” for men it’s a NO-NO.
By Antonio, October 5, 2007 @ 10:29 am

You should have let her go first, then laugh at her choice of wardrobe. And I wonder why I’m single…
By kate, October 5, 2007 @ 10:57 am

As a girl your age, I think it was fine that you took your turn and went before her.
By David, October 5, 2007 @ 11:32 am

Where’s the chivalry, Craig? Minus ten points.
By Michael (not the one you're thinking), October 5, 2007 @ 11:46 am

When I was in HS my best girl would drag me to NOW meetings after school, then we’d go to Wendy’s for Junior Bacon Cheeseburgers, but I had to open the door for her. As a male living in NYC in these post-feminist times, I think it’s important to empower women by not opening doors for them, not giving them seats on the subway and not letting them exit anything before me. Anything else would be sexist.
By cb, October 5, 2007 @ 12:21 pm

Fuck, I say not only is it ok to go ahead of her, elbow her in the tit on the way by- especially if she was getting any ideas about cutting.
By Howard, October 5, 2007 @ 12:34 pm

Get off the damn car and get to work, McAnally!
By Ken, October 5, 2007 @ 12:45 pm

Fark that, it’s the subway, you don’t wait for people… aside from you simply following the natural pattern of the “zipper” effect (something I wish more people would do), you can’t just wait around for someone to pay attention and take their turn, otherwise you’ll find yourself ten blocks from where you wanted to be.
By Ask A Gay Geek, October 5, 2007 @ 6:27 pm

One of the privileges of being gay is that you don’t have to let the woman go first… Why you ask? Because you are not trying to stare at her ass.
By BOSSY, October 6, 2007 @ 1:06 pm

Wait, Bossy thinks she used to have this Atari game!
By Phyllida, October 6, 2007 @ 3:07 pm

As an older but very cool woman, I think subway etiquette is that you should just exit in order closest to door. You don’t push the women out of the way to get out first; everyone should just use his or her common sense. It makes me crazy at work when we are all trying to get on an elevator and some guy makes a big show of letting the women he is facing get on the elevator first, blocking everyone who is standing behind him. Very often I have bustled around these would be Walter Raleighs breathing out a “Oh for Christ’s fucking sake, just get on the fucking elevator already.” Very effective, coming from me.
By Ryan, October 8, 2007 @ 3:30 am

I think you should have helped her off the train by grabbing her by the hair and pulling her.

That is really the best thing you could have done.

She couldn’t have said that you were not helpful.
You helped her out– therefore– you are helpful.
Also– she cant say you didn’t mean well.. because you never don’t not meanwell.

Cause you see you are a minority.

You have the right to exit the train. Because if she got off ahead of you– it would be a hate crime.

But if you exited first– all she could do is scream that you were sexually harassing her.

Hate crimes are totally more potent.

So, really, who is she?? NO ONE.

You have the power.

You have the rainbow tattoo on your butt.

SHE is just some gross female.

You should have eaten her.

Thats what I think..

And don’t not never tell anyone not ever never that you can’t not undeserve what you need. Okay?

Good.

Lets get a cat.
By annie, October 9, 2007 @ 12:51 pm

*laughing hysterically at Polt!*

Well, since you are a gay man, and they were alternating turns, left-right-left-right, it was fine for you to go. However, a straight man with proper manners would have COMPLETELY blocked the way so she could pass ahead of EVERYONE and laid his jacket on the floor for her to walk on as she passed.
What?
Men don’t do that in New York?
By Robert, October 29, 2007 @ 3:07 am

I can’t talk about what you should have done, but here’s what *I’d* have done:

I do subscribe myself to “ladies first” when it is not impractical to do so. If in your diagram I was the only person remaining on the left-hand side and there were only women waiting to get off from the other side, I would let them *all* exit before me if they were all ready to leave.

However, that is not the case here. Instead, I have a number of people behind me waiting to exit, so I am forcing them to abide by the same set of rules no matter how inexpedient it may be for them. I do not believe that I am entitled to that power. In this scenario, I limit it to ONE extra lady I allow to leave in front of me.

So in your diagram, I would still let the pink-symbol lady off before me, but I would try to go next even if the person behind her was female.

And one exception — if I know I have to hurry to avoid missing a connection, I’ll want to get off as quickly as I can, because here a few seconds really can make the difference between making it and watching it head off without you (unless it looks like the pink lady is headed there too.) Another reason that the “wait for all the women” isn’t morally justified — because how can I know that someone behind me isn’t in this very situation?