Nov
27
So now you know that I think the Spiderman movies are the most awful things in the world, right up there with terrorism and Tony Hawk. But what are some of my other thoughts on comic book movies?
1. Batman Begins is the best comic book movie of all time.
2. Batman Returns was the best of the 1990’s Batman movies. Michelle Pfeiffer was amazing.
3. Jack Nicholson is extremely overrated as the Joker. He was not the Joker. He was Jack Nicholson in makeup.
4. George Clooney could have been a really awesome Bruce Wayne. Unfortunately for him Batman and Robin was awful.
5. Superman Returns was underrated. I enjoyed it more than the Christopher Reeves movies.
6. X2: X-Men United was the best of the X-Men movies, obviously. I think everyone agrees on that one.
7. Rogue shouldn’t have given up her powers in X-Men 3. She should have shown up on Alkatraz and kicked major ass.
8. Wolverine shouldn’t have cried for Professor Xavier. Only Jean Grey. It’s more meaningful that way.
9. Mystique should have met Magneto in the park at the end of X-Men 3. Their break up was Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston in magnitude. If they can’t work it out, who can? Damn you Angelina! Wait, who was I talking about again?
10. The flaming skull in Ghost Rider was laughable. Eva Mendes was the best part of that movie.
11. Also laughable was Jennifer Garner fighting a blind guy on seesaws in DareDevil. Seriously Jen, he’s blind! Be nice!
12. The Fantastic 4 movies were okay. But seriously, why can’t Hollywood write a proper fight scene where several superheroes use their powers in conjunction?
13. The same goes for the X-Men movies. They insist on separating everyone and having them fight alone. It’s lazy writing and fight scene choreography. In the extended fight scene at Jean Grey’s house that was deleted but in the special features of the X-Men 3 DVD, at one point Wolverine stabs Juggernaut with his claws on one hand, and extends his other hand to Storm who shoots lighting into his other claws. The lighting passes through Wolverine and electrocutes Juggernaut. It was awesome! It may not be the least bit believable, but the X-Men were actually using their powers in conjunction! And they deleted it! What were they thinking?! ARG!
November 27th, 2007 at 10:23 am
I agree 100% about the X-Men movies! There needed to be more team work and more Rogue ass kicking. For such a strong and independent character in the comics, she was such a big blubbering vagina in the movies. I don’t care if she didn’t have any of her “stolen powers”, she has still been known to kick ass with just her absorption.
November 27th, 2007 at 11:58 am
“Batman Returns was the best of the 1990’s Batman movies.”
You should submit yourself for drug testing for this one. Batman Returns was terrible!!! Batman Forever was the best of a very bad lot.
November 27th, 2007 at 1:35 pm
#8 SHOULD read, NO ONE should have cried fro Professor X, as neither he NOR Cyclpos should have been killed. Stupid, stupid, stupid.
HUGS..
November 27th, 2007 at 4:40 pm
Yes! More superheros working together. I completely agree.
And I would add one point to your list: Make sure Iceman runs around in his boxers in every X-man movie!
Maybe wet boxers…
November 27th, 2007 at 7:15 pm
Batman Begins was the best comic book movie of all time. . . um. . . except for that totally unbelievable female lead problem that is common of comic book movies, but the WORST in Batman Begins. When Katie Holmes says, in her little girl voice with her lips all pouted out “But I am the assistant District Attorney of Gotham City!” I just want to die. No one under the age of 14 has ever been the assistant DA of a large city. DAs are old fat guys with ulcers. Kim Basinger as the prize winning war photographer was pretty bad, too.
November 27th, 2007 at 9:55 pm
Hey man,
Firstly, congrats on the bloggies again. To be honest, yours is the only one I really read nowadays and the orange dinosaur is a stroke of genius. Don’t let your wife, Natalie Portman, get jealous though
Anyway, with regard to X3. You probably know, the DVD has an alternative ending in which Rogue doesn’t get the cure and the scene with ice-man is almost identical except that she can’t touch him. Was sooooo much better. Possibly even better than her coming back to kick-ass at the end? Seriously, if they can’t write a decent piece for a gayman with wings, would we really want to let them loose with Rogue?
Also, mostly with you on the Batman thing. Batman and Robin does indeed suck and Batman Begins is exceptionally good, but Michael does make an adorably geeky Bruce Wayne/Batman in the first one and (heresy alert) I think Jack Nicholson pulls off a very convincing Joker. The scene in the art gallery with him, Kim Basinger and Jerry Hall is a particular favourite. Disturbingly camp.
Take care,
Jum
November 27th, 2007 at 10:02 pm
K. Forgot one thing. Well, maybe more, but one for the mo. Don’t think Mystique should have come back at the end of X3. Was enough hinting that the metal chess piece maybe wobbled. That kinda rift takes ages to heal and the fact that Mystique was still true to Magneto even when he unceremoniously ditched her was enough to show they would be back to kick ass.
Anyway, soz for the long replies. Keep blogging,
Jum
November 28th, 2007 at 12:00 am
I actually haven’t seen most of these movies, but I saw both Spiderman movies and the first Xmen movie. I actually thought that the 1st Spiderman movie was good, it set a higher bar for comic book movies. The 2nd one on the other hand, ugh. I hated it. And Xmen, i never read the comic books so I didn’t even understand it. I don’t know. I think you understand them more then I do. But I never thought about them in the way that you did. Very cool.
November 28th, 2007 at 2:34 am
Rogue didn’t get super awesome until she stole what’s her face’s powers permanently.
November 28th, 2007 at 2:33 pm
What are your thoughts on the Hulk? I think it’s a perfect movie until the last ten minutes.
November 28th, 2007 at 4:00 pm
The nerve of you for writing about comic book movies and leaving out V for Vendetta! This affront shall not be soon forgotten.
November 29th, 2007 at 12:28 pm
Hojeezus.
5. Superman Returns was underrated. I enjoyed it more than the Christopher Reeves movies.
I thought it was on par with the Reeves Era, but not as good as Smallville and that is mostly due to Allison Mack being way hotter than Whatsherface.
11. Also laughable was Jennifer Garner fighting a blind guy on seesaws in DareDevil. Seriously Jen, he’s blind! Be nice!
I hope you are joking because this was the least of Daredevil’s problems.
12. The Fantastic 4 movies were okay. But seriously, why can’t Hollywood write a proper fight scene where several superheroes use their powers in conjunction?
A better question would be why can’t Hollywood write a superhero movie that doesn’t smell like rancid diapers and have more product placement than character development?
And as for V for Vendetta, it was crap. Poor filmmaking. Blunt, repetitive and god-awful. Natalie Portman was less expressive than the guy in the mask. Admittedly, she has been rather boring for her entire career with the exceptions of The Professional and Closer but still. How wooden can you get without being a tree?
November 30th, 2007 at 4:12 pm
There’s another problem with X3. At then end when Phoenix is obliterating everything around her and Wolverine is standing his ground, how is it that a portion of his pants manages to be unharmed? All the rest of his clothes is destroyed and then pieces of flesh start disappearing, but that strategically placed PG-13 bit of his clothes goes unharmed.
I for one was very disappointed.
November 30th, 2007 at 9:53 pm
You are officially my favorite person for stating everything you said in this post. Batman Returns is by far the best in my opinion and don’t get me started on X3. I may have bought bc I have one and two, but the movie was garbage. I really wanted to slap Brett Ratner after watching the movie or atleast send him a mean letter, not email.