Jan
25
They can fly us halfway across the galaxy and save our skins more times than we can count, but very rarely are the pilots the main hero of the story. So let’s take a moment to recognize the awesomeness (and not so awesomeness) of spaceship pilots.
WHO: Alex Rogan from The Last Starfighter
ABOUT HIM: This is actually one of the rare cases where the pilot gets to be the main hero. Have you seen those awful commercials for Fools Gold starring Matthew McConaughey and Kate Hudson? Where Kate is like: “How did you learn to fly?!” and Matthew is like: “Playstation!” and we’re all supposed to laugh, but we don’t, because it’s not funny. Well that’s the premise of The Last Starfighter. Good at video games = Good at flying in real life. What? It was the 80’s. We were stupid back then!
WHO: Carmen Ibanez from Starship Troopers
ABOUT HER: Look at that face! Is she in severe pain? Or is she having the best sex of her life? Or both? Starship Troopers features some of the worst acting in a movie with amazing special effects (up there with the 1998 Godzilla) but Denise Richards takes the cake. I almost believed her as a nuclear physicist in The World is Not Enough more than a starship pilot even though her character’s name wasn’t nearly as bad as Dr. Christmas Jones. And we all know the only reason for that was so James Bond could say: “I thought Christmas only comes once a year.” Groan.
WHO: Turanga Leela from Futurama
ABOUT HER: I’m not sure how a person with one eye has the proper depth perception to pilot a spacecraft, but that’s besides the point. The picture above is from the BEST EPISODE OF FUTURAMA EVER where they meet the cast of Star Trek and the Star Trek cast do all their own voice work and Craig has a major geekasm, but also mourns the fact that DeForest Kelley (his favorite character Dr. Bones McCoy!) died in 1999 and couldn’t participate. And did you know that there are people out there who draw sexy pictures of Leela? Neither did I! Creepy! Check them out HERE and HERE! And then someone made a Leela shaped computer. Um, yeah, I don’t get it either.
WHO: Pilot from Farscape
ABOUT HIM: Pilot isn’t just his job, it’s his name! Clever! I didn’t watch too much Farscape so I can’t say too much about it, although I do love Rygel. What I’ve seen of it just seems a bit too cheesy for me. But I always felt bad that Pilot was permanently bonded to the ship. I mean, talk about a ball and chain! On a semi-related note: I’m tempted to Netflix the first season of Torchwood, but does it have the same cheese factor as Farscape?
WHO: Hoban “Wash” Washburne from Firefly and Serenity
ABOUT HIM: Okay, I can’t talk about Wash for too long for fear of bursting into tears. He’s a leaf on the wind who loves playing with his little plastic dinosaurs. He also gets to be married to the hot and kick-ass Anna Espinosa from Alias. He was always good for a quick getaway or a funny quip. But then… at the end of Serenity… sorry, I can’t talk about it. I hate you for doing that to me Joss Whedon, but I really, really love you.
WHO: Han Solo from Star Wars
ABOUT HIM: Who needs Jedi powers when you’ve got the coolest piece of crap ship in the universe and a Wookie by your side? Plus you’re the only person in the galaxy who can get head from your girlfriend and still brag to your friends that you gave it to her between the buns. Zing!
January 25th, 2008 at 10:36 am
“Plus you’re the only person in the galaxy who can get head from your girlfriend and still brag to your friends that you gave it to her between the buns.”
I had to think about that one for a second.
I can’t tell you how many odd images went through my mind before I arrived at the correct reference. I need to take a shower now.
January 25th, 2008 at 10:49 am
1) Solo rocks.
2) Wash makes me cry, too.
3) Starship Troopers is the best guilty pleasure movie made. Ever.
January 25th, 2008 at 10:59 am
What about my girl crush Starbuck!
Is it because she doesn’t fly big ships?
January 25th, 2008 at 12:00 pm
First, you are too young so I give you a pass on your disparagement of The Last Starfighter. Sorry, any movie that features Robert Preston as an alien huckster is pure ’80s gold.
Second, Starship Troopers: Doogie Houser as a futuristic Gestapo agent and Casper Van Dien’s ass. Need I say more?
Third, Farscape cheesy? Them’s fightin’ words. Girl, hold my gold.
But since I totally had to read the comments before I understood the Hans Solo joke, you get two snaps as redemption.
And I’ve seen Alan Tudyk (Wash) naked.
January 25th, 2008 at 12:12 pm
I would SO do the last two. And then hang out with Leela.
January 25th, 2008 at 12:37 pm
Since someone already admitted it, I will too–b/c I’m a follower. I also had to think about the buns joke. You are so twisted.
January 25th, 2008 at 12:54 pm
Who needs one spaceship pilot when you are Borg and have the whole collective piloting your ship. Plus most Borg’s are HOT!
January 25th, 2008 at 12:55 pm
I’m yet another person who took a moment of pause and contemplation at the buns joke.
Starbuck kicks serious ass, but Lee Adama is so much more fun to look at. One of them should defs be on this list.
Might we see a starship captains rendition of this in the future?
January 25th, 2008 at 1:00 pm
Sorry I left off Apollo and Starbuck! I was thinking more of someone in the Galactica CIC. I almost did Gaeta because I think he handles coordinating the FTL drives, but decided it wasn’t “piloty” enough.
January 25th, 2008 at 1:28 pm
Honey, I love you! You always make me laugh my ass off, and that’s saying something!
Now I’m going to have to find that Futurama episode - Capt. Kirk as a cartoon figure is too sweet to miss!
January 25th, 2008 at 2:08 pm
Oh Wash. How I loved you. That almost ruined the movie for me. Luckily the movie kicked ass so it wasn’t ruined, but the whole Wash part sucked.
And yeah, the Leela computer is creepy.
January 25th, 2008 at 2:24 pm
You totally need to Netflix Torchwood. There’s some serious man-on-man makeout action. When Captain Jack and Ianto locked lips? Scott swooned.
January 25th, 2008 at 2:41 pm
I’m impressed by anyone who knows that Leela’s first name is Turanga.
January 25th, 2008 at 3:16 pm
I’ve never seen Farscape, and I’ve only seen two episodes of Torchwood, but I am HOOKED on it!! I’m gonna get the first season from Netfix, definitely!
Between the buns….oh Craiggers, how you entertain me.
And what about Sulu? Or that sexy lil Ensign Mayweather from the crappy Enterprise series? You cover Star Trek as a cartoon but not the series themselves???
HUGS…
January 25th, 2008 at 3:16 pm
What about Tommy Webber / Lieutenant Laredo from Galaxy Quest?!!!! You remembered the white guys, white girl and one-eyed cartoon girl. You even try and generate some sympathy for the alien pilot that is hard wired to the spaceship but somehow you manage to leave out the black guy that could fly circles around them all?!!!
Shame on you!!!
January 25th, 2008 at 7:01 pm
I completely agree that was *the best* Futurama episode!
Wash made me sad too, but Shepherd, not so much.
Maybe you didn’t watch enough Farscape. It had some cheese, but dude, Ben Browder. In leather pants! That was reason enough to watch. The story was rally good too.
Definitely catch Torchwood. It is cheesy and, in my opinion, starts a little slow, but gets very, very good. The 6th episode Countrycide is worth it alone, but I’m a big fan of the last half of the series.
January 25th, 2008 at 7:48 pm
OMG! I love Wash, he is my favorite. I too was upset with Joss, but you know, he is not afraid to kill his characters off…
BTW, I love your blog.
January 25th, 2008 at 9:14 pm
Two of my favorite spaceship pilots are Willis Davidge and Jeriba ‘Jerry’ Shigan from the movie Enemy Mine. Given that the movie was based on them both _crashing_ I can see how they may not have made your list.
I have probably seen less than 10 minutes of Farscape while channel surfing. So I can’t compare it to Torchwood. I liked Torchwood much better than the Sarah Connor Chronicles. I actually thought SCC was pretty weak. Perhaps we just have opposing scifi taste, and you should consider my recommendations to be anti-recommendations .
January 25th, 2008 at 10:02 pm
I cannot recommend Torchwood highly enough, if not for the man on man action, for the fact that it sets you up nicely for even more man-on-man action in series 2. John Barrowman and Spike from Buffy in a fight/snog/fight scenario: what’s not to love?
January 26th, 2008 at 12:00 am
Dude…cheese? Torchwood? ….what are you on!!!??
Only sci fi show with openly gay lead who is gorgeous.
Had episode with massive man on man smooching between him and another brit hunk.
Everyone else in is is lusting or boinking someone else…the show is awesome!!!
And watch Farscape…please.
January 26th, 2008 at 3:11 am
Captain Jack, oh so yummy. Torchwood = Doctor Who + more adult. Havent seen it but I’ve so been meaning to. My favorite local weekly ran a small article on John Barrowman (can we say Brittish?) titled Popping A Torchwoodie.
January 26th, 2008 at 11:36 pm
I love Torchwood. I also love Farscape!! And I LOVED “The Last Starfighter.” We’re all about 80’s movies at my house.
My submission: David from “Flight of the Navigator.”
January 27th, 2008 at 5:30 pm
Hey Craig, long time, no random posts. Been away from internet, was painful. In the spirit of anachronisms, firstly, congrats on Gaybloggies, go you! With regard to spaceship pilots, been so long since seen most of these that not sure I can comment, apart from - Joss, you evil meanie, I’m not supposed to cry at Sci-fi, but we still love you. As a Brit myself, feel I should warn you about Torchwood. There seem to be some contrary opinions in the comments and that probably reflects the show. The first series was *very* up and down, but is worth sticking with. Dr Who is probably a million times better, but then that may be like saying double chocolate fudge cake is a million times better than single chocolate fudge cake. The point being, you should not pass up the opportunity to eat it anyway. In contrast to John, I’m not sure I will ever forgive them for the travesty that is ‘Countrycide’. The orgasm monster is, however, hilarious. Last two episodes are also cool, and as people keep saying, some adorable man-on-man action occurs. Captain Jack is a 51st century guy and we love him for it. Watch out in season 2 for Jack and Ianto getting closer, ahh.
Take care, Jum.
January 28th, 2008 at 2:50 pm
“Plus you’re the only person in the galaxy who can get head from your girlfriend and still brag to your friends that you gave it to her between the buns.”
Ok, that just made me laugh. heh