My Opinion Free Review of Lost

In an effort not to offend anyone with my opinionated reviews, I am proud to present my very first unopinionated review. Spoiler free here, but the comments are fair game.

I thought Lost was pretty good on last night. Desmond’s beard looked really fake enthusiastic. Jeremy Davies looked quite anorexic willowy. I hate that We didn’t get any answers which sucks as usual but that’s okay!

Ugh! That’s harder than I thought it would be! Okay so honestly I was pretty meh throughout the episode. I’ve never been a fan of Desmond, so naturally this wasn’t my kind of episode, but the last 5 minutes totally made up for it. So cute! Also, didn’t Alan Dale’s accent sound really fake? But then I looked it up and he’s from New Zealand. Odd. I guess I’m just so used to him being Mr. Meade and Caleb Nichol, that when he was talking normally, it confused my fragile little brain.

And then there is this, which is old, but I’ve never seen it before until now, thanks to Ryan.

LOL Comment

This comment came from Anthony for my Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull trailer post:

There are certain things I will never understand. Like why people feel the need to criticize classics that are way better than most movies that come out nowadays. I’m referring of course to the completely unnecessary and innappropriate trashing of Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom on here. As a little kid, the three Indiana Jones movies and Star Wars movies inspired me to want to be a filmmaker and were my first exposure to the full range of joy and wonder that are only possible in the movies. Even as I got older and matured, all through my teenage years, I never had a second thought about there being anything wrong with Return of the Jedi, or Ewoks, or Temple of Doom, or that something’s wrong or “uncool” about your taste if Empire isn’t your favorite SW flick. Then I go on the internet recently and find that those ideas are insisted upon by almost everyone who uses the internet as their soapbox. SHUT UP YOU INGRATES! Stop trying to change the way I perceive my most cherished films from my youth! Go watch Atonement and leave the real fans of Temple of Doom and Jedi alone to appreciate those movies the way they deserve. And no, I’m not on Lucas’ payroll and even I was greatly dissappointed by the SW prequels.

LOL! How am I trying to change his perceptions of the movie? Shouldn’t he be confident enough in his opinions to withstand a little criticism? Doesn’t he sound like one of those people that are anti-gay-marriage, because if we let gays get married, it will ruin marriage for everyone else? As if their own feelings for their spouses aren’t enough to sustain the sanctity of their marriage, they need the government to stand behind them and say: “Yes, this is a good movie marriage! This is how all movies marriages should be!”

He actually told me to watch Atonement! ACK! That movie was awful! Does he think I’m a film snob or something? Doesn’t he know I own Catwoman on DVD and that the Look Who’s Talking movies (Yes, all 3 of them!) are my most favorite guilty pleasures of all time?

And then his last statement: “And no, I’m not on Lucas’ payroll and even I was greatly dissappointed by the SW prequels.”

Really, Anthony? Because I actually really liked the Star Wars prequels. Does that mean I get to berate you for your opinions too? Yay! Everyone wins!

(Except for people who have to sit through Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom. They lose two hours of their lives. It really is a sucky movie.)

You know what they say…

Always count your Cevorian Spider Chickens before they hatch.

You’ll want to know how many you’re up against once they do.
SIDENOTE

Random Notes

1. Is anyone else watching (and loving) Sarah Connor Chronicles? It’s so good! IO9′s article talking about how this show wants to be Battlestar Galactica got me thinking. What if Cameron is some sort of human/terminator hybrid? And what if the half human part of Cameron is really Sarah Connor DNA? Dun dun duuuuuun! Come on! You know it makes sense! And not just because they’re both brunettes! In the future, the evil terminators could have engineered a Sarah Connor hybrid-terminator to use against John Connor. Wouldn’t that be smart of them? Create a weapon that thinks and looks like the mother of your biggest enemy. And think about it: They’ve been keeping Cameron’s model number under wraps and said that she’s a completely new model to the franchise. This would take the show to a place the Terminator films haven’t gone before, and I think a lot of people’s gripes with the show is that it’s basically been a Terminator 2 and 3 redux. Why don’t I work in Hollywood again?

2. Definitely the highlight of the Oscars was being introduced to this song, which I completely adore now and have listened to it a gajillion times. For those of you who didn’t see the Oscars, it’s called “Falling Slowly” by Glen Hansard and Marketa Irglova and it’s from the movie Once, which I immediately added to my Netflix queue.

3. I’m sorry NefariousCarrot, I know its your favorite book and all, but I’m sad to report that I’m giving up on Lilith for now. I say “for now” in the hopes that I will go back and finish it. But how many times have you actually finished a book after putting it down? Oh man, “putting it down” sounds awful, as if I took the book out back and shot it. In this case it’s more like I impaled it with a lightsaber since the new Star Wars book came out yesterday and I’ll be reading that instead while giving everyone that “don’t judge me!” look on the train.

The Puntabulous Adventures of Vagina Girl!

Okay folks! Are you ready for the longest cartoon in Puntabulous history? I’m going to assume you all shouted “Yes we are Craig! We love you and think you are extremely handsome!” But seriously, this cartoon is an astounding 94 panels long and took two (read: TWO!) weeks to complete. ENJOY! (Or at least pretend to and leave me lots of nice comments.)

Oh, you’re still awake! Congratulations! Now leave a comment, send this to your friends, link to it, give me a book or movie deal, or whatever else you can do to make me feel good about myself. Luckily my readers (and Vagina Girl!) are well worth the effort. Thanks for reading! And thanks to Bossy for her kind words of encouragement throughout the process!

For more Adventures of Super Viagra and Vagina Girl: CLICK HERE!

Jazz Cops

Okay, so I just found out they made a sequel to Jazz Cops, one of my all time favorite YouTube clips. It even inspired me to make my A-Team video. But like most sequels, it sucks. Big time. It pains me to say that so much, because I love the first one more than swedish fish. So I’m not even going to post the sequel, here is the original instead in all its wondrous glory:

Now I know you loved that clip, and you’re super-excited that there is a sequel. However, I don’t want it to spoil the amazing memories you have of the first one, so be careful. Here you go.

LOST

I’ll keep it spoiler free here, but the comments are fair game.

I’m sure this review will make Brian F. happy (he hates when I’m down on Lost). Last night was easily the best episode of the season so far. It actually felt like a single story with answers and questions being resolved in the same hour. Kate’s flashes could have easily been dragged out over the season, but they were thankfully kept concise while still giving loads of information and teasing with some new questions. Yes, of course there are new questions, but I wasn’t nearly as frustrated watching last night as I have been.

The Story of a Snake Wrangler

This is the story of a snake wrangler. Show of hands: Who knew the word wrangler had a W in it? LIARS!

But in this story, the snake wrangler is played by Diablo Cody, because I feel like she would totally have a wacky job like that when she was in college. Did she go to college? Maybe for a year or so, and then dropped out. I don’t know. Oh well. That doesn’t matter.

Anyway, this hipster snake wrangler has this lame job where she brings snakes to kids birthday parties and schools or wherever else her fat boss who is cheating on his wife sends her to. She hates kids though. Like, really hates kids.

Then one night she’s sent to a big giant theater. She enters through the back door and she ends up behind stage and everyone is going crazy. She assumes they’re all getting ready for a big scene. And she’s like: “Hello? I have the snake you ordered.”

And then somebody who looks like this is like: “Perfect! Paint her silver, she’s on in five!”

And the snake wrangler is like: “Whoa! What?!” And somebody who looks like this takes a can of spray paint and paints her silver.

And before you know it, she’s hanging up in the air with the snake around her neck and there are people SCREAMING.

Then she looks down and she sees Britney Spears!

This regularly scheduled post is interrupted for a brief moment to remember how awesome Britney Spears was that night. VIDEO EVIDENCE.

Okay, and then she’s on the floor, but she still has to wear that weird awkward diaper thing that they used to hang her from the ceiling because she never received the proper dance training to be able to take it off gracefully without dropping the snake or missing a beat to “I’m a Slave for You”, because even though she considers herself “edgy”, she still thinks it’s a pretty cool song.

And OMG Britney Spears is walking RIGHT TO HER holding out her hands. She guesses she’s supposed to hand the snake over to Britney. “May I call you Britney?” she jokes to herself. And Britney is like: “You’re not the girl from rehersal!” but she keeps going because this is her big moment to shine, and Justin is in the audience and he just broke up with her so she wants to be all: “Look what you’re missing out on bitch! Why don’t you cry ME a river?!”

So she hands the snake to Britney, even though her fat boss who is cheating on his wife always tells her not to let the kids hold the snakes. But it’s Britney Spears, she thinks to herself! And then HOLY SHIT she’s sees herself in a monitor! This is her big moment! “Too bad I’m painted silver! I wonder if anyone will recognize me?”

But her hipster friends are watching and they totally recognize her! “OMG OMG OMG!” they squeal. But they actually say the words “OH MY GOD!” because they’re actually talking in real life and not on the internet and it would be gay if you actually shouted “OH EM GEE!” And then they’re like “Why the fuck is she silver?”

Anyway, they tell people they’re only watching the VMAs to be “ironic” but none of them really knows what that means. But they’re secretly watching because they look like this on the inside and they totally love the VMAs and Britney Spears, and especially love seeing their hipster snake wrangling friend on TV, because how many times does that happen? Never.

Except maybe this one time. THE END

My Ideal Boyfriend

SWEET!

Who is your’s? (Click the pic to take the quiz.)

Barguments

Do you like Puntabulous Debates? Do you want to have your own pointless debates with your friends (imaginary or otherwise)? Have you been wanting to do one of my Guest Debates but can’t think of a good topic? Well then do I have the book for you! It’s called Barguments by Doug Hanks.

Bargument: A debate with no right or wrong answer that must be uncomplicated enough to discuss after three beers.

This book is full of great barguments (and potential Puntabulous Guest Debates!) including:

1. Name the best television theme song of all time.

2. Who would win in a war: Texas or California?

3. Who would win in a fight: A lion or a bear?

Check out the book’s official site HERE (books have websites now?) and Doug Hank’s blog HERE. It comes out on March 4, so preorder it now, and then you’ll forget about it by the time it comes so it’ll be a nice little surprise when it does!

While you’re at it, get Overheard in the Office: Conversations from Water Coolers, Conference Rooms, and Cubicles because the blog is awesome and you can’t afford an iPhone yet, so this is your best way of making the website portable and pocket-sized. Plus it’s hysterical.