Feb
11
Who would have thought that a man and woman could be best friends? But apparently it’s true! And not in that fake “my husband/wife is my best friend!” kinda way either. Like actually best friends! Here’s a handy guide to those miraculous friendships in all their platonic glory!
WHO: Zack Morris and Jessie Spano from Saved by the Bell
ABOUT: Zack Morris and Jessie Spano grew up next door to each other, so they’ve known each other their entire lives. Except for that brief period where Zack was in Middle School and lived in Indianapolis, Indiana, had a teacher named Miss Bliss, and had no idea who the fuck Jessie Spano was.
POSSIBLE ROMANCE? Jessie was actually the only girl at Bayside High that Zack didn’t make out with. He even macked on Lisa Turtle! Remember that episode? Ugh! Poor Screech!
ONLY A BEST FRIEND WOULD: Put up with your pill-popping shit.
WHO: Will Truman and Grace Adler from Will & Grace
ABOUT: A gay and his fag hag. It’s a beautiful thing. Their friendship started off really good, then they considered having a baby and everything went downhill. Oh wait, no, I’m thinking of the quality of the show. Zing! The last two seasons were painful. I’ve still never seen the series finale. My mom told me what happened though. Meh.
POSSIBLE ROMANCE? They dated in college when Will was still in the closet and the show was still good. But the whole gay thing kinda ruined the chances of them ever ending up together. Damn gays. They ruin everything! If only there was some sort of program we could send gay people to and have them de-gayed. I wonder if anyone’s thought of that?
ONLY A BEST FRIEND WOULD: Stick with you even when you keep inviting annoying guest stars to your house every week.
WHO: Veronica Mars and Wallace Fennel from Veronica Mars
ABOUT: Veronica cut a naked Wallace down from the flagpole and it was magic ever since. Veronica was the sharp-tongued sassy private investigator. Wallace was the shortest all-star basketball player in the history of the sport. Poor Wallace faded to the background as the show tried to fit itself into a more teen soap opera mold (so long black people!) during season 3. Fortunately Mac was there to ease the pain.
POSSIBLE ROMANCE? Not between Veronica and Wallace themselves, but rather their parents. Oh wonderful cliche of cliches! How I love thee!
ONLY A BEST FRIEND WOULD: Still be your best friend even after you start dating her bitchy arch-nemesis Jackie (who I loved BTW). But in Wallace’s defense, Veronica was pretty bitchy too.
WHO: Valerie Cherish and Mickey Deane from The Comeback
ABOUT: This show was amazing. But it got slightly more amazinger every time Mickey was on screen. Remember when Juna wanted to set Mickey up with a (male) friend and Mickey was annoyed and flabbergasted that someone knew he was gay?
POSSIBLE ROMANCE? Ew. “Note to self: After a long day at work, I don’t want to see that!”
ONLY A BEST FRIEND WOULD: Make sure your hair was perfectly feathered at all times. Even while wearing a cupcake costume.
WHO: Sydney Bristow and Will Tippin from Alias
ABOUT: Will was a one of the best investigative reporters Los Angeles had to offer, but he still couldn’t figure out that Sydney was a superspy.
POSSIBLE ROMANCE? They kissed that one time when they were drunk and Alias fans nationwide squealed with delight. Damn you last-five-minutes-of-season-2 for ruining a good thing!
ONLY A BEST FRIEND WOULD: Don the most ridiculous looking wig on the face of the planet to escape the danger that you put him in. Seriously, do you remember that episode? And that wig?!
WHO: Claire Bennet and Zach [last name omitted for the protection of the “straight”] from Heroes
ABOUT: These two had to band together because they were both outsiders in their high school; two of the best looking outsiders on the face of the planet, but outsiders nonetheless. Zach even took a lesson in the Zack Morris School of Bestfriendship and climbed through Claire’s window one time.
POSSIBLE ROMANCE? Thomas Dekker’s agent tried to get the producers of Heroes to write in a sex scene between Claire and Zach where Zach where afterwards he heaves a sigh of relief and exclaims: “Mmmmm! Pussy!” It’s a good thing they de-gayed Zach, because his uber-masculine role in Terminator: Sarah Connor Chronicles requires a lot of whining and not doing much.
ONLY A BEST FRIEND WOULD: Say “Um, yeah, it’s kinda obvious” when you come out to them.
WHO: Izzie Stevens and George O’Malley from Grey’s Anatomy
ABOUT: Shonda seems to come from the school of telling and not showing. I didn’t even know these people were best friends until the end of season 3 when Izzie prattled on for episodes on end about how they were best friends. Um, really? Since when?
POSSIBLE ROMANCE? Unfortunately.
ONLY A BEST FRIEND WOULD: Know the difference between getting drunk and sleeping together and being in love. See? So they aren’t best friends!
WHO: Starbuck and Apollo from Battlestar Galactica
ABOUT: I wasn’t sure if Apollo and Starbuck constituted “best friends” but any excuse to write about Battlstar Galactica is a good excuse. I guess they are best friends, right? I mean, who else do they have? Gaeta? Puh-lease!
POSSIBLE ROMANCE? These two are meant for each other! They flirted for what seemed like forever, and then they finally got it on and shouted their love for each other while in the buff and Craig was so excited even though the rest of the world thought they were being terrible annoying. But now they’re married to different people and Apollo won’t cheat and Starbuck won’t divorce. Or maybe it’s the other way around? I don’t know. It doesn’t even matter because it’s completely unbelieveable but since it’s Battlestar Galactica it can do no wrong in my mind (except for the Black Market and Woman King episodes, obviously. I’m only human after all!).
ONLY A BEST FRIEND WOULD: Beat the crap out of you in the boxing ring. Shoot you while falling in slow-motion through the air with a gun in each hand. Almost send nuclear weapons to a space station you were on and could easily escape in the time frame necessary.
WHO: Craig and Robin from You Totally Wish You Were Our Friends
ABOUT: You know you’re best friends when you see each other about three times a year and you’re still best friends.
POSSIBLE ROMANCE? She wishes!
ONLY A BEST FRIEND WOULD: Oh my god, you don’t even want to know all the crap she’s done for me. She’s also the first person I ever came out to!
February 11th, 2008 at 8:23 am
Eh. Starbuck and Apollo screaming their love WAS “terribly” annoying.
She’s such a ho. Getting married a few hours later.
Gosh.
February 11th, 2008 at 9:06 am
Craig, you forgot Bob the Builder and his Best friend Wendy! From their website it says that Wendy is Bob the Builder’s reliable and tech-savvy business partner and friend. At the office she keeps the nuts and bolts of Bob’s business in order. On a worksite, she makes sure he’s got all the tools and equipment. A girl that works on his nuts and bolts and tools and equipment and then leaves at the end of the day…sounds like the best kind of friend one could hope for…
February 11th, 2008 at 11:01 am
I’m not positive, but I’m pretty sure that Sydney and Will slept together once…can anyone back me up here?
February 11th, 2008 at 11:42 am
craig, jessie spano and zack morris TOTALLY hooked up during the classic snow white hip-hop musical the kids put on. you know, the one when lisa was the magic mirror from the mall??
February 11th, 2008 at 11:49 am
Ugh! Of course! How could I forget? My pop culture knowledge is sucking today!
February 11th, 2008 at 11:56 am
OMG that totally reminds me of my bff (read fag hag) Lori. We can go two months without talking and pick up our conversation without skipping a beat. I LOVE her! Dearly, not queerly…LOL
I’ve also had a few friends that called me their “husband at work” but they usually end up taking it way too serious and it gets wierd.
February 11th, 2008 at 12:02 pm
I meant weird, but you knew that….I hope. Gotta stop typing while hopped up on Latte macchiato
February 11th, 2008 at 12:07 pm
My daughter has many, many friends of the opposite sex: the gay guys because she is funny and vibrant and accepting, the straight guys because they are way too scared of her to make a move. This is just a mother’s observation, of course.
February 11th, 2008 at 12:10 pm
Awwwwwwwwww, this post was just a set up to celebrate the awesome friendship of Craig and Robin.
Otherwise I totally have no idea what you’re talking about with the various example as, aside from the occasional Will and Grace episode, I didn’t/don’t watch any of these shows.
February 11th, 2008 at 12:53 pm
Wallace!!!!!!!!!!!
Also: my fave platonic best friend pair on BSG: Roslin and Billy. Sigh.
February 11th, 2008 at 12:54 pm
You have forgotten another great male/female friendship… the first one I remember seeing actually. Captain Jean-Luc Picard and Doctor Beverly Crusher. Yeah sure they had some sexual tension between them during the show, and they were married at some point in the future, but still they met every morning for breakfast, and could tell each other stuff, and come on, they had a psychic connection for an episode how much closer could you get? ha ha
February 11th, 2008 at 1:41 pm
Hmm, is that the first time you talked about your outing? It seems interesting. Anyways, what about Daniel Mead and (Ugly) Betty? Though, I don’t think you watch that show. And if you are actually watching Torchwood you’ll see that sort of relationship with Capt Jack and Gwen and uh, do George Michael and Maeby count? I mean, they really didn’t do much and they were close and all.
February 11th, 2008 at 1:49 pm
no way! your pop culture knowledge is unparalleled! i didn’t mean to call you out - only to remind you of that historic episode. we should all watch it this valentine’s day (after we kill cupid, of course) to be reminded that true love exists (only) in the fictional california town known as bayside.
February 11th, 2008 at 2:04 pm
Ok, not to add fuel to the “you forgot” fire… but you forgot Mulder and Scully. Maybe you’re not an X files fan like I was (am). Maybe I just totally exposed my inner dork. Either way, great post. a best friend in whatever guise, is fabulous.
February 11th, 2008 at 2:25 pm
Must have cupcakes.
Must have quesadillas.
February 11th, 2008 at 3:46 pm
The Comeback was brilliant! So very few appreciated its awesomeness.
February 11th, 2008 at 3:50 pm
So when you came out to Robin, did she say, “Um, yeah, it’s kind of obvious”?
As Chanda said, you should have included Mulder and Scully, AND, I’ll echo digkv to say that if you’re NOT watching Torchwood, you damn well SHOULD be!
HUGS….
February 11th, 2008 at 4:05 pm
My favorite is the last one. I understand it completely, except my friend’s name is Dana.
February 11th, 2008 at 4:08 pm
Awww…
February 11th, 2008 at 4:16 pm
Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww
February 11th, 2008 at 4:51 pm
I just read this with my best friend on the phone and we laughed our heads off. You should consider school counselor as a fall-back career - you’re just that good!
February 11th, 2008 at 6:55 pm
I must’ve missed something, but why do you have a tampon in your mouth?
February 11th, 2008 at 7:40 pm
Gah - don’t forget about Little Tommy Cruise and Katie Homes!
February 11th, 2008 at 10:10 pm
Cute post! You were right, do not see the finale of Will and Grace, it was not that good.
February 11th, 2008 at 11:45 pm
Thank you for the Saved By the Bell clip. That rocked my week!
February 11th, 2008 at 11:57 pm
Loved, loved, loved the comeback. Shame on HBO for canceling it.
February 12th, 2008 at 1:20 am
BeRightBack is so right! Roslin and Billy.
Maybe I just want that featured since I love Roslin so much.
AND Buffy and Xander! Or Willow and Xander. Both work.
February 12th, 2008 at 2:37 am
Just in time for Valentine’s Day!
You forgot Ghandi and Mother Theresa.
February 12th, 2008 at 5:25 pm
Will & Sidney totally DID sleep together. Watch Season 3, Craig.
February 14th, 2008 at 1:15 pm
I would have added Willow and Xander from Buffy but thats just me. Still great list, love that you had Lee and Starbuck in there.