Ode to Valentine’s Day
by Craig McAnally
That wondrous day has come again,
What a magic time of year!
Chocolate! Flowers! Love abound!
But my schedule’s fairly clear.
Another year that Cupid missed,
That big target on my back.
Why won’t that little flying fucker,
Cut me a single ounce of slack?
Through the year I smile and flirt,
Sometimes I’ll even show some leg.
But rarely ever do I ever,
Fit the circle with the peg.
Please, oh please, don’t get me wrong,
There’s more to life than getting laid.
But sex is like a marching band,
And life’s raining on my parade.
Why can’t my Tarzan, take a swing,
On a vine and save this dork?
But vines are hard to come by,
When you’re living in New York.
Deep inside I really don’t mind,
Being alone on this crappy day.
I know one day I’ll find my love,
And grow boring, old, and even gray.
So, dear reader, if you’re like me,
Please don’t ever fret!
Know deep down inside your heart,
You’re the greatest soul you’ve ever met.
Happy Valentine’s Day!
I’m celebrating Valentine’s Day with a new header featuring some of my favorite TV couples! I was just going to keep it up for the day, but I really like it, so I’ll keep it up through the weekend. Maybe I can set up one of those fancy rotating header things to switch things up every time you visit! That would be fun!
And then of course there is this, courtesy of my new best friends over at 360 – The Math Blog:
I can’t see your new headers (a problem with my machine), but wanted to wish you a Happy Valentine’s Day!
Happy Valentine’s Day Craig
If i weren’t thousands of miles away and didn’t have a great 9-year relationship, I’d totally be your valentine Craig
You should celebrate S.A.D. (Singles Awareness Day) I am and I have never been happier, now if I could just stop crying and get out of bed.
Ten points for including Admiral Adama and the President. They’re one of my favorite couples too! Where’s the last one from?
And I like the poem.
Now I’m sad about no more Veronica.
Happy V-day Craigers!
Even though I have a BF, I [heart] Craig.
If only I were mormon…..
Oh, if I was a guy, and gay, and lived in or near New York……I’d love to swing on your vine!
[I have a secret fetish for little orange plushy dinosaurs....]
Craig, When do you start working at Hallmark? better yet, why not start up your own Puntabulous Card Company? I bet you are wearing red today, aren’t you?!
LOL – Yes I am Oliver! And it is the most obnoxious red on the face of the planet. It’s like candy apple red. It’s so heinous. I love it!
Never doubt that you are loved!
Great poem! Great new header – I love Hiro and Ando too!
Happy Valentines Day to a real sweetie!
That is wonderful!!
If I were single, and a guy and gay and about 15 years younger I would SO swing on your vine!
If I were single and gay and a guy and living in New York I would so….
…wait a minute…
Oh, that’s right, the 15 years younger part.
I enjoyed your poem. I once wrote a poem about a man named Craig.
Craig Dorset ( not his real last name) worked together in a store in Downtown Atlanta. He was not very friendly, until one night he saw me in a bar called The Cove. After that, he was too friendly.
Anyway, this is a good poem for Valentines Day.
———
This is an ode to Craig Dorset
Scankiest slut I ever met
Said he survived by selling his dick
Who is that horny blind or sick
Wanted me alone on the seventh floor
I didn’t go a break for the whore
I’d have hit him upside the head
his back would hurt he might get dead
not for a million would I roll
with that clap ass pus face booger footed troll
Yeah for Veronica and Logan making the header!
Happy (or not) V-Day. (which stands for VALENTINE not VAGINA.)
Your poem is officially the highlight of my day – it was great!
And I love the header — well done!
Sex is nice, but if that was all you were looking for you would have no prob. But don’t despair, you WILL find your ONE, and he will be the Luckiest guy EVER!!!!! Happy Valentines Day!
At least you have all of us who Love You.
Wait a minute, There’s only one same sex couple in your favorite TV couples???
Oh yeah, I forgot, this is obviously American TV.
Mark, and they’re not even a REAL couple. There’s just a couple of Frodo/Sam wannabes. I just put them there as a joke.
Ha, George-Michael and Maeby! Love it.
@David: Don’t knock age differences… my guy and I are 15 years apart, and it’s not an issue to us (anymore). Though he doesn’t exactly love it when, say, he talks about his college days (the early ’80s), and I say that I was in first grade at the time.
Wow, what an incredibly explicit poem, your peg in the hole imagery is burning my virgin eyes. And seriously? you’re a kate and sawyer guy? I think I disagree with you there since Kate and Jack is the only way to go.
There’s a certain dignity to being alone. As much as I would someday like to meet “the love of my life”, I also wonder how can I possibly fit them into my busy tv-watching/game-playing schedule.
Craig, sometimes I think you and I live parallel lives. I know exactly how you feel. That bitch cupid and his obviously dull arrow hasn’t hit me in years. Personally I think he’s hitting the sauce a bit too much. Either that or he’s just plain ignorant. Maybe both.
Loved the poem. Well-said!
Oh how I love Arrested Developement! The best show on TV that people didn’t watch.
So….um, I’m a bit confused….um, you’re the circle or…are you the peg?
Clearly none of my business, but still…
I hate VD too, buddy. Always have.
HUGS…
Great poem! Cute. Thanks for sharing.
I think that every day is what we make of it. We are each the master and commander of the ship of our own destiny. In the past I spent years waiting for someone special. I try not to do that so much any more. Now I endeavor to be the best person I can be, for myself and for the world. I also try to be more in touch with my own needs and issues. Often what we think we need to find in a partner is really just a reflection of our own perceived inadequacy. I am not looking for anyone to “make†me happy any more. I want a synergistic relationship based on mutual inspiration.
Feeling too much emptiness can be bad. However feeling some emptiness is not a bad thing at all. As humans, I think we need to feel a void in order to inspire us to work towards filling it.
Ultimately, we are all alone, together. Life is an exciting journey!
Yet another reason to like u even more, u’re such a sweetheart! Happy valentines day
Who are the ones between Roslin/Adama and Veronica/Logan?
That’s George Michael and Maeby from the show Arrested Development. It’s kinda hard to explain why they’re getting married, but the important thing to know is that they’re cousins.
After seeing like a hundred people walking around with a rose, your poem made my V-day
Thanks craig!
To take it a step forward, make certain you dump a lot of petals and heart-shaped red confetti around the plates, on the entire table. It is possible to also stick heart shaped small cutouts on the red table-cloth to give a personalized touch to your Valentine’s Day decoration. Any party decoration is incomplete with out balloons, ribbons and streamers. Same holds true for Valentine’s Day decorations. So do get loads of those chic streamers, balloons and red ribbons on February 14.