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A Valentine’s Day Poem

Ode to Valentine’s Day
by Craig McAnally

That wondrous day has come again,
What a magic time of year!
Chocolate! Flowers! Love abound!
But my schedule’s fairly clear.

Another year that Cupid missed,
That big target on my back.
Why won’t that little flying fucker,
Cut me a single ounce of slack?

Through the year I smile and flirt,
Sometimes I’ll even show some leg.
But rarely ever do I ever,
Fit the circle with the peg.

Please, oh please, don’t get me wrong,
There’s more to life than getting laid.
But sex is like a marching band,
And life’s raining on my parade.

Why can’t my Tarzan, take a swing,
On a vine and save this dork?
But vines are hard to come by,
When you’re living in New York.

Deep inside I really don’t mind,
Being alone on this crappy day.
I know one day I’ll find my love,
And grow boring, old, and even gray.

So, dear reader, if you’re like me,
Please don’t ever fret!
Know deep down inside your heart,
You’re the greatest soul you’ve ever met.

Happy Valentine’s Day!

I’m celebrating Valentine’s Day with a new header featuring some of my favorite TV couples! I was just going to keep it up for the day, but I really like it, so I’ll keep it up through the weekend. Maybe I can set up one of those fancy rotating header things to switch things up every time you visit! That would be fun!

And then of course there is this, courtesy of my new best friends over at 360 - The Math Blog:

godzillavalentine.JPG

31 Responses to “A Valentine’s Day Poem”

  1. Ξ_Heather says:

    I can’t see your new headers (a problem with my machine), but wanted to wish you a Happy Valentine’s Day!

  2. ExAstrisScientia says:

    Happy Valentine’s Day Craig

  3. David says:

    If i weren’t thousands of miles away and didn’t have a great 9-year relationship, I’d totally be your valentine Craig :)

  4. maestro says:

    You should celebrate S.A.D. (Singles Awareness Day) I am and I have never been happier, now if I could just stop crying and get out of bed.

  5. Derek says:

    Ten points for including Admiral Adama and the President. They’re one of my favorite couples too! Where’s the last one from?

    And I like the poem. :)

  6. Avitable says:

    Now I’m sad about no more Veronica.

  7. Robert says:

    Happy V-day Craigers!

  8. Nick says:

    Even though I have a BF, I [heart] Craig.

    If only I were mormon…..

  9. irisgirl says:

    Oh, if I was a guy, and gay, and lived in or near New York……I’d love to swing on your vine!
    [I have a secret fetish for little orange plushy dinosaurs….]

  10. Oliver says:

    Craig, When do you start working at Hallmark? better yet, why not start up your own Puntabulous Card Company? I bet you are wearing red today, aren’t you?!

  11. Craig says:

    LOL - Yes I am Oliver! And it is the most obnoxious red on the face of the planet. It’s like candy apple red. It’s so heinous. I love it!

  12. we_be_toys says:

    Never doubt that you are loved!

    Great poem! Great new header - I love Hiro and Ando too!

    Happy Valentines Day to a real sweetie!

  13. mp says:

    That is wonderful!!
    If I were single, and a guy and gay and about 15 years younger I would SO swing on your vine!

  14. David says:

    If I were single and gay and a guy and living in New York I would so….

    …wait a minute…

    Oh, that’s right, the 15 years younger part.

  15. piersgavestonjr says:

    I enjoyed your poem. I once wrote a poem about a man named Craig.
    Craig Dorset ( not his real last name) worked together in a store in Downtown Atlanta. He was not very friendly, until one night he saw me in a bar called The Cove. After that, he was too friendly.
    Anyway, this is a good poem for Valentines Day.
    ———
    This is an ode to Craig Dorset
    Scankiest slut I ever met
    Said he survived by selling his dick
    Who is that horny blind or sick
    Wanted me alone on the seventh floor
    I didn’t go a break for the whore
    I’d have hit him upside the head
    his back would hurt he might get dead
    not for a million would I roll
    with that clap ass pus face booger footed troll

  16. Jennifer says:

    Yeah for Veronica and Logan making the header!

    Happy (or not) V-Day. (which stands for VALENTINE not VAGINA.)

  17. Maggie says:

    Your poem is officially the highlight of my day - it was great!

    And I love the header — well done!

  18. Mark says:

    Sex is nice, but if that was all you were looking for you would have no prob. But don’t despair, you WILL find your ONE, and he will be the Luckiest guy EVER!!!!! Happy Valentines Day!
    At least you have all of us who Love You.

  19. Mark says:

    Wait a minute, There’s only one same sex couple in your favorite TV couples???

    Oh yeah, I forgot, this is obviously American TV.

  20. Craig says:

    Mark, and they’re not even a REAL couple. There’s just a couple of Frodo/Sam wannabes. I just put them there as a joke.

  21. Jeff says:

    Ha, George-Michael and Maeby! Love it.

    @David: Don’t knock age differences… my guy and I are 15 years apart, and it’s not an issue to us (anymore). Though he doesn’t exactly love it when, say, he talks about his college days (the early ’80s), and I say that I was in first grade at the time. :)

  22. digkv says:

    Wow, what an incredibly explicit poem, your peg in the hole imagery is burning my virgin eyes. And seriously? you’re a kate and sawyer guy? I think I disagree with you there since Kate and Jack is the only way to go.

  23. GoKitty says:

    There’s a certain dignity to being alone. As much as I would someday like to meet “the love of my life”, I also wonder how can I possibly fit them into my busy tv-watching/game-playing schedule.

  24. RcktMan says:

    Craig, sometimes I think you and I live parallel lives. I know exactly how you feel. That bitch cupid and his obviously dull arrow hasn’t hit me in years. Personally I think he’s hitting the sauce a bit too much. Either that or he’s just plain ignorant. Maybe both.

    Loved the poem. Well-said!

  25. Summer says:

    Oh how I love Arrested Developement! The best show on TV that people didn’t watch.

  26. Polt says:

    So….um, I’m a bit confused….um, you’re the circle or…are you the peg?

    Clearly none of my business, but still…

    I hate VD too, buddy. Always have.

    HUGS…

  27. ChrisNJ1977 says:

    Great poem! Cute. Thanks for sharing.

    I think that every day is what we make of it. We are each the master and commander of the ship of our own destiny. In the past I spent years waiting for someone special. I try not to do that so much any more. Now I endeavor to be the best person I can be, for myself and for the world. I also try to be more in touch with my own needs and issues. Often what we think we need to find in a partner is really just a reflection of our own perceived inadequacy. I am not looking for anyone to “make” me happy any more. I want a synergistic relationship based on mutual inspiration.

    Feeling too much emptiness can be bad. However feeling some emptiness is not a bad thing at all. As humans, I think we need to feel a void in order to inspire us to work towards filling it.

    Ultimately, we are all alone, together. Life is an exciting journey!

  28. Jesús says:

    Yet another reason to like u even more, u’re such a sweetheart! Happy valentines day :)

  29. Kári says:

    Who are the ones between Roslin/Adama and Veronica/Logan?

  30. Craig says:

    That’s George Michael and Maeby from the show Arrested Development. It’s kinda hard to explain why they’re getting married, but the important thing to know is that they’re cousins.

  31. Jeff says:

    After seeing like a hundred people walking around with a rose, your poem made my V-day :)

    Thanks craig!

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