Feb
18
Welcome to another edition of Puntabulous Guest Debates! Today I’d like to welcome Casey from the awesome blog Moosh in Indy (who I think looks like the equally awesome Becki Newton from Ugly Betty, right?) And no, she isn’t the Moosh, her incredibly adorable daughter is the Moosh, who Casey says: “Carries a shovel around to help out with my early grave.”
TODAY’S TOPIC: COOKIES VS. BROWNIES!
Casey: Go ahead, search the word “cookie” on Amazon.com. Over 75,000 results. Search “brownie”? A paltry 17,000 results. And that’s being kind. Google the word “cookie” and you’ll get 92 million results (yeah, you heard me, MILLION. As in ninety two MILLION results.) And what? Oh. 9 million for “brownie” *snort* The googling amazonians have spoken. Cookies kick brownies crusty edged trash.
Craig: I’m afraid to break it to you, but Google and Amazon are actually just websites. You see, they’re made up of computer code, and countless lines of Zeros and Ones. It’s all very complicated. I wouldn’t expect you to understand. But my point is that they’re not people. They can’t eat cookies and brownies for themselves. If they could, they would surely come alive and tell you how much more awesome brownies are with all their moist, warm, wonderfulness. And by all means, do not mock the crusty edge of brownies. They are the best part!
Casey: Well honey, your website is FULL of zeros and ones who just happen to love cookies. And speaking as a culinary genius I must now break it to you that I could easily produce a cookie that embodies every so called desirous attribute your precious brownies have. You want warm and moist? I’ll give you warm and moist. You want a crusty edge? I’ll give you an infinity of a crusty edge. WITH a warm moist wonderful center. Cookies are all that and a batch of dough.
Craig: Speaking of “batch of dough”, it sounds all fun and yummy to eat cookie dough, and then BAM! Twenty minutes and fifteen “taste testings” of raw cookie dough later, you’re feeling queezy and regretting ever making cookies in the first place. But after you make brownies there’s a nice little reward waiting for you called “licking the spoon”. No, “licking the spoon” isn’t the latest dance craze, or a metaphor for masturbation. It’s a gooey preview of the yummy goodness waiting for you after the brownies are done baking!
Casey: Is it my fault that you have a weak stomach? Excuse me, has anyone ever heard of “Brownie Spoon Ice Cream”? * crickets chirping* How about cookie dough ice cream? WHOA, WHOA! Don’t all cheer so loudly, you’ll give poor gurgle tummied Craig a complex. Brownies come in one variety sweetheart. One. Sure you can add stuff in, but it’s still a chocolate square masquerading as something more. Personally, if I’m going to be monogamous to one man for the rest of my life, I don’t feel the need to be monogamous to a single chocolaty baked good. You can take the brownie out of the pan but you sure can’t take the boring out of the brownie.
Craig: Sure, yeah, brownies only come in one variety. But that’s because they’re so unbelievably awesome that they don’t need anything else to distract you from the fact that they suck the way cookies do. Where would chocolate chip cookies be without the chocolate chips? Where would oatmeal raisin cookies be without the raisins? Where would [insert delicious item here] cookies be without the [insert delicious item here]? Bleck. My mouth just turned dry and bland just thinking about it. I think you get my point. Wait, did I just agree to the fact that brownies only come in one variety? Silly me! I forgot about brownie’s sexy little sister known as blondies! Well she’s home from cheerleading camp and she’s ready to give me a delicious taste explosion in my mouth!
Casey: OH BUT CAN YOU IMAGINE? You pledge your love to a brownie and all you’ll ever get for the rest of you life is the same old brownie. Sure, the brownie could go blondie, you could maybe even put a little frosting on it, but it’s still just a brownie. You can’t take the same old brownie to every party and expect people to be impressed. Cookies allow you to MIX IT UP! Cookies allow for VARIETY! And after all, isn’t variety the spice of life? And while I didn’t want it to come to this, a nasty brownie isn’t going to look any different than my really good brownies. Brownies rarely, if ever, stand out. And I don’t know about the rest of you, but when I’m faced with a table full of questionable drone brownies I’d rather saunter on down to the guaranteed goodness of my cookies rather than risk putting a bland piece of garbage brownie in my mouth.
Craig: Just because people say that “variety is the spice of life” doesn’t mean that variety is the spice of life. It’s just one of those meaningless things that people say like “Don’t count your chickens before they hatch” and “I love you”. Besides, I prefer to think that variety is the spice of “Oh my god! Why did I try that? I should have stuck with what I knew would be delicious rather than experimenting with something new and unknown!” Yeah, you might see a pretty little cookie with frosting and sprinkles, and it might be the sexiest little cookie on the block, but haven’t you heard of the phrase: “Don’t judge a book by its cover?” Except when it comes to ugly people, I really think that’s an excellent phrase that should be taken seriously. Brownies may not be the prettiest girls at the bake sale, but has anyone ever had a bad brownie? They simply don’t exist. Why take the chance of having a bad cookie?
Casey: Craig, first of all, I love you. And if I were a little closer I’d give you a big hug, and a cookie, because you obviously have some cookie/love issues. Maybe it all stems back to a painful cookie experience you’ve suppressed. Has this ever come up in therapy? Maybe you’ve been salving an open wound with the wrong balm. While your love of brownies may be true and unwaivering, maybe your inability to see the benefits of other forms of baked goods is what’s holding you back in life. Brownies are good, but brownies can’t heal. Branch out, find a new love, and like making out, you may find something you never knew about. How about we just call cookies: “baked good Kama Sutra”.
Craig: I don’t think cookie Kama Sutra is such a good idea. Everything seems new and fun for a while, but then when it’s all over, you’re picking chocolate chips out of strange places and it burns when you pee. Besides, I don’t know about you girls, but I’m pretty sure guys would rather stick it into a pan of warm gooey brownies than a tin of hard, rough cookies. Ouch! And I can’t speak for all men, but before I stick a pastry in my mouth, I think to myself: “But would I fuck it?” If the answer is no, then by all means, put the cookie down, and put your pants back on. And don’t try and diagnose me with some post-traumatic cookie issues! What do you think? My parents shot cookies at me with some sort of batting cage ball-throwing device? Although that might explain my aversion to batting cages.
Casey: My, my, this all turned so dirty. And all we were trying to debate was whether it was better to have a little cream in your Oreo or a little frosting on your brownie. GAH! Look what you’ve done to me! If doing a pan of brownies is your thing, then you deserve to win this debate, and all of the Google weirdos that are going to come looking for brownie fetish boys. But if you care to be open to the unending bliss and happiness that is cookies in all their variety and tasty glory, come, I welcome you. And I’ll even leave a pan of those nasty things you call brownies in the guest room. You know, in case you get lonely.
Craig: First off, you’re the one that got this debate all dirtified by bringing up Kama Sutra. And it’s not my fault for pouncing on the fact that brownies are better in bed than cookies. I’m like a debating cheetah. I see an opportunity and I pounce on it! Rarr! I’m afraid to say that you’re the tasty baby zebra in this scenario. And brownies are the sexy Blanche Devereaux to your cookies mannish Dorothy Zbornak. African wildlife metaphors along with Golden Girls metaphors? Is there nothing I can’t do?! I attribute it to the brain food brownies.
So who do you guys think won?
Be sure to head over to Casey’s blog: Moosh in Indy!
Think you could do better? Send me an e-mail with a topic you’d like to debate with me! If you’ve previously sent me a topic, and I never got back to you, or if we haven’t started the debating process yet, send me a reminder! I’m very forgetful! For more Puntabulous Debates CLICK HERE!
February 18th, 2008 at 6:08 am
Casey makes some great points, but it takes a real master (de)bater to admit “before I stick a pastry in my mouth, I think to myself: ‘But would I fuck it?’”
Match goes to Craig.
February 18th, 2008 at 7:17 am
Craig you totally win because brownies are just made of awesome.
February 18th, 2008 at 7:41 am
Hmm… I must purport that I nearly universally condone the consumption of cookies over brownies, but Craig’s allegations of the masterbatory qualities of brownies are ones to be seriously contemplated.
February 18th, 2008 at 7:58 am
i had forgotten about blondie. i was all over cookies until you reminded me about blondie.
February 18th, 2008 at 8:27 am
*sigh* I’ll admit I felt had at the do-ability of brownies myself. BUT! Becki Newton? *blush*
(She likes cookies BTW, so does everybody else. They’re just kissing your brownie humping rear because it’s your blog.
xoxo
February 18th, 2008 at 8:42 am
This was hysterical. Casey is a blogging rock star and quite adorable, too. Her Moosh, one in a million.
You are rather precious yourself… but… Cookies all the way. Sorry. Cookies kick brownies’ butts.
February 18th, 2008 at 8:44 am
As much as I love a hot, gooey brownie with a bowl of vanilla Blue Bell, I have to go with Moosh on this battle. Sugar, Oatmeal Walnut Raisin, Snickerdoodle, Double Chocolate Chunky Chip, Peanut Butter - the list goes on and on and on!
All this talk of cookies is making me crave some, so I’m headed to the kitchen to make some Sugar Cookies. You remember them - right, Craig? I think you ate the whole batch the last time I made them for you…
February 18th, 2008 at 8:49 am
Brownies ftw!
February 18th, 2008 at 8:54 am
You know that Go Meat! commercial of Hillshire Farms? Yeah, well I’m over here reading this shouting Go Brownies!
Brownies could kick cookies ass anyday.
February 18th, 2008 at 9:09 am
Hi Craig, I found you through Casey’s blog. And while I love a good cookie now and then, there really is nothing like a delicious brownie. Unless you eat that delicious brownie warm with some vanilla ice cream on top. Now that’s a dessert even I would fuck.
February 18th, 2008 at 9:33 am
While I would pick potato chips with onion dip over cookies or brownies I must say that her chocolate chip cookies look positivly delish. Cookies it is.
February 18th, 2008 at 9:58 am
I came here via Casey and thought this was rather hilarious.
It’s a toss-up for me between cookies and brownies. I make great versions of each. I guess I need to choose…
I will have to err on the side of cookies.
February 18th, 2008 at 10:00 am
Brownies are ALWAYS there for you..Warm,comforting and very happy with who they are. Cookies are a fickle lot trying to dazzle you in a never ending array of transformations. You never know what to expect next.Cookies have issues.
This round goes to Craig!
February 18th, 2008 at 10:08 am
While I just cannot compare raw brownie batter (which is merely OK) to raw cookie dough (Nirvana. Unless, you know, you get deathly ill from the eggs), in their cooked forms the brownie is more reliable than a cookie that someone might sneak raisins or healthy stuff in. I’m going to declare a tie, especially because both Casey’s first picture and Craig’s last had me laughing more than I ought at work.
February 18th, 2008 at 10:17 am
brownies win… good job craig
February 18th, 2008 at 10:18 am
I love brownies. They put me in a coma. But cookies are the bomb. After all, Sesame Street doesn’t have a Brownie Monster, do they? I think not.
“Cookie Cookie Cookie Starts with C!”
February 18th, 2008 at 10:19 am
Those were the most complex algorithms I’ve ever seen…
February 18th, 2008 at 10:20 am
Casey makes a good point about the variety of cookies, but as Craig points out, why would you want a string of mediocre baked good lovers when you can just have one hot gooey brownie to satisfy your desires everytime. Craig wins this debate.
February 18th, 2008 at 10:31 am
Hmm, I do loves me some brownies. Especially with vanilla ice-cream. But I think Casey wins with her point about variety - you really can have a million different types of cookies. And you simply can’t dip a brownie in milk or tea (yuck).
February 18th, 2008 at 10:49 am
I actually like brownies better, but Casey was pretty hilarious…. hmm… hard choice.
Maybe Craig wins for saying: “It’s just one of those meaningless things that people say like “Don’t count your chickens before they hatch” and “I love you”
February 18th, 2008 at 10:50 am
Now there needs to be a debate between Craig Who Loves Vanilla More Than Chocolate versus Craig Who Loves Brownies More Than Cookies.
February 18th, 2008 at 10:55 am
Can’t I fuck both?
February 18th, 2008 at 11:16 am
Casey rules! Cookies trump brownies in this debate!
February 18th, 2008 at 11:19 am
Any argument that includes the phrase “But would I fuck it?” makes it the hands down winner to me. So Craiggers wins this one. Which is kinda upsetting, cause I think Dorothy is much MUCH cooler than Blanche.
HUGS…
February 18th, 2008 at 11:32 am
Who is the winner? Oh my. This is a hard nut. And when Bossy says ‘hard nut’ she is referring to the one found in both brownies AND cookies.
The winner? Bossy, for laughing her ass off at another Puntabulous Guest Debate.
February 18th, 2008 at 12:32 pm
Brownies kick cookies flat ass!! For something fun try throwing in a bag of mini milky ways before baking. Orgasmic!!
February 18th, 2008 at 12:33 pm
Considering the fact that I now need to worry that someone has possibly deflowered the brownie I may have selected, the match goes to Casey.
Cookies rule!!
February 18th, 2008 at 12:37 pm
If you’ve ever had Casey’s cookies, you will KNOW that COOKIES WIN!!!
February 18th, 2008 at 12:51 pm
If cookies were so great then there would be fewer varities that say a million. Brownies and Blondies stand all by themselves. They may not be for everyday, but isn’t that what makes them so special.
February 18th, 2008 at 1:18 pm
I thought Brownies were cookies. None of my cookbooks has a separate chapter on brownies, they are always in the cookie chapter (in the “bars” section). Is this one of those unsolvable riddles?
February 18th, 2008 at 1:33 pm
I vote cookies… but I must say, you both gave equally fantabulous arguments.
Puntabulous Virgin over here BTW … came via Moosh in Indy’s mention…. have a feeling I will be back quite regularly now.
February 18th, 2008 at 1:41 pm
Cookies are a snack, and while I wouldn’t mind snacking on Casey, I must say that a brownie is a dessert. Oh what a dilemna, I can’t decide…I call this a draw…
February 18th, 2008 at 2:07 pm
Despite brownie batter on your nose, cheetahs and mentions of Blanche Devereaux, it’s all about the cookie.
Plus, batter on your nose is cute, but Casey totally rocked that oreo “goatee”.
February 18th, 2008 at 2:12 pm
This one is a toss-up. Casey has excellent points about the dough and variety… but cookies are more at risk of being disgusting. Brownies are safe, but plain.
Oh I just don’t know. I prefer cookie dough over brownies any day but you invoked Golden Girls and now I’m torn. I just can’t decide.
February 18th, 2008 at 2:20 pm
Brownies rock, slather them with some cream cheese frosting and I’m in heaven.
I must say that I was scarred by that big hole in the brownie pan… or maybe I was intrigued by the size of the hole?
Either way Craig wins this one, pants down!
February 18th, 2008 at 2:27 pm
brownies win, simply because of your golden girls reference.
February 18th, 2008 at 2:35 pm
I hate cookies, so I naturally wanted to vote for Craig, but my son loves cookies and I often find myself living by the motto “cookies fix anything!”
Broken bone? have a cookie! Lost your job? Have a cookie! You have image issues because your daddy didn’t love enough as a kid? Have a cookie!
So you see, I needed something to break the tie, and well, Craig wins hands down. And now, when ever I eat a pastry I too will be asking myself, “But would I fuck it?”
February 18th, 2008 at 2:54 pm
Oooh, this is a tough one. I do love brownies, but Casey makes some excellent points.
And since I’m having lunch with Casey tomorrow and want her to like me and be my friend, I’m going with CASEY!!! as the winner!!
February 18th, 2008 at 2:55 pm
It’s a tough call…but the win has to go to Craig and the brownies!
February 18th, 2008 at 3:24 pm
I’d have to go with Casey. Sorry Craig, but I had a really bad experience with pot brownies about five years back and haven’t had one since. Plus, I prefer crunchy over mushy. Plus, I’m diabetic.
With-that-said. I prefer neither. You BOTH lose!
February 18th, 2008 at 4:28 pm
If I were to pick based on your debating skills I would have to go with Casey’s cookies. Plus I’m pretty sure that Casey’s cookies would taste like heaven.
But, you see I have NEVER had a bad brownie. Even the batch I made in Jr. High when I added eggs to hot batter and ended up with scrambled egg brownies were delicious.
Brownies win.
February 18th, 2008 at 5:02 pm
Wow, this was a tough one. While I do think Brownies are the sexier choice, I gotta give it to the Cookie.
Mmm, cookie dough ice cream.
And Casey’s oreo face is da bomb!
February 18th, 2008 at 6:27 pm
I’ve got to agree with Craig in that brownies are so amazing. Nothing beats that warm toasty, chocolate-y smell of brownies baking in the oven. Also, cookies are way too fickle. It’s so difficult to find the perfect cookie, especially the perfect chocolate chip cookie, whereas I’ve found the perfect brownie recipe already: http://www.chow.com/recipes/10451 it’s the perfect blend of chewy fudginess and a nice dark chocolatiness withoutbeing too cloyingly sweet. Also, cookies tend to be ingredient holders rather than an actual food. I mean, cookies taste like what you put in them: white choc chips, nuts, etc. It just becomes an ingredient receptacle not anything that’s actually food.
As an aside, and I’m surprised no one mentioned this: that’s a huge effing hole in the brownie pan. I mean, it’s seriously the girth of a water bottle or something. You better not hurt anyone with that thing Craig.
February 18th, 2008 at 7:21 pm
i love the pic of u looking at the brownies u look like a little boy… xD
February 18th, 2008 at 7:22 pm
OK I just came here to look at the pictures. And now I really want a cookie bar. Which is a brownie-like cookie. Best of both worlds. See, I’m all about compromise!!!
February 18th, 2008 at 8:05 pm
I’m going with Casey because 1) cookies are awesome and 2) have you seen the Moosh? Too cute! Must vote for her mama!
February 18th, 2008 at 8:44 pm
[…] excuse me, I’m going to be putting myself back together for a bit. Thankfully Craig over at Puntabulous has a tasty bit of the me I’m trying to put back […]
February 18th, 2008 at 11:16 pm
Craig wins hands down! And I agree, the edge ones are in fact the best.
I think it is funny how the last two debates got really dirty, really quickly. It looks like you maybe even took a page from my debating textbook by showing some (implied) skin in that American Brownie photo.
That hole looks awefully wide though…. are you sure you are not “stretching” the truth a bit with that one dear Craig?
February 19th, 2008 at 12:05 am
I came over here from the moosh blog thinking, of course I’d vote for Casey, but then you gave me a whole new way to consider which pastry to put in my mouth by asking if I’d fuck it, and I decided that you win
February 19th, 2008 at 8:19 am
I prefer cookies to brownies because you can eat a cookie without much mess, but a brownie will smudge. I’m all about the neat.
But since this is a debate, I have to give props to Craig for mad debating skillz. The American Brownie killed me. Although Casey’s dirty Oreo Sanchez was truly on the edge.
February 19th, 2008 at 12:05 pm
I do believe if you had ever had one of Casey’s cookies you would change your mind quite quickly. I can’t think of anything more sumptuous than one of Casey’s hot out of the oven chocolate chip cookies.
February 19th, 2008 at 12:57 pm
You violated that pan of brownies, and that was wrong…
February 19th, 2008 at 4:07 pm
cookies.
definitely.
February 19th, 2008 at 7:05 pm
BROWNIES RULE!
February 19th, 2008 at 9:28 pm
gotta love anyone who can say It’s just one of those meaningless things that people say like “Don’t count your chickens before they hatch” and “I love you”. that was fucken awesome. and bringing cheetahs AND the golden girls into a debate was priceless.
then again, a dirty oreo sanchez is rather unusual. and sexy.
but back to the subject at hand: cookies or brownies? i gotta go for cookies. casey’s variety comment hit the spot.
(although, i’ll be honest and tell you that a bowl containing a warm brownie, hot fudge sauce, a scoop of vanilla and a small army of e.l. fudge cookies is one of my favorite desserts ever. and it combines both the brownie and the cookie. yum!)
February 19th, 2008 at 11:06 pm
This whole post made me crave chocolate brownies…. they are in the oven right now. Sorry Casey, the cookies just didn’t tempt me.
February 20th, 2008 at 8:08 am
I want a brownie right now. Really, really badly.
February 20th, 2008 at 9:59 pm
so, you almost got me with the golden girls metaphor…
but alas, i gotta go with my lover, Casey. our kitchens are going to mate one day and make the culinary equivalent to heaven…
February 20th, 2008 at 11:56 pm
I just had to chime in. . . a few days late. This was tooooooo damn funny!!!
February 21st, 2008 at 8:32 pm
This is a really hard decision seeing as I am a connoisseur (hello, spell check) of baked goods and comfort.
I do have to go with brownies, even tho I’m a moosh girl.
February 22nd, 2008 at 9:11 pm
I’m not sure I will ever be able to read a cookbook quite the same way…
But I can’t wait to have a copy of “But Would I Fuck It?” on the kitchen shelf between Craig Claiborne and Nigella Lawson.
Bon appetit.
SK