Hey, so remember that vacation I asked you guys to plan for me, and you guys were awesome enough to give me loads of great advice and tips? Well that’s on hold until next year. Sorry! I was totally gonna do it. I even bought the Lonely Planet Travel Guide like I was told to! But I’ve opted to go on vacation with my sister instead, so we needed to pick something that we would both enjoy doing together. I mean, we both want to do London and Ireland at some point, but we just couldn’t imagine going there together.
So we’re going on a cruise instead! How crazy is that?! I’m SO not a cruise person, but I think doing something completely crazy and unlike me is exactly what I need. And when you think about it, sitting around drinking all day is well worth the annoyance of having to sit in the sun and be social (my two least favorite things!).
It’s a seven day cruise to Bermuda (two days to get there, three days there, and two days back). Anchors away at the end of July!
TO DO LIST BEFORE DEPARTING:
1. Fake tan. (Digitally enhanced tan as shown below doesn’t count.)
2. Remove unsightly shoulder hair.
3. Build up tolerance to alcohol.
4. Build up tolerance to socializing.
5. Consult Apple about any extra charges that might be inflicted by taking my phone to Bermuda.
6. Cope with possibility of having no access to the internet if extra charges are ridiculous.
7. Research Amelia Earhart. (I don’t want to look stupid if I meet her.)
8. Pack brown paper bags for inevitable panic attacks. (About the not having internet thing, not about the imagined shipwreck which would lead to a meeting with Amelia Earhart thing.)
Of any of the lost pilots in history I think Amelia would be the best.
Also you don’t need to socialize on a cruz, just eat so much that people think you have a condition. No one will come near you. Socializing problem solved.
That’s awesome, Craig! Well, it’s only *kinda* awesome, because, y’know, I’m not going with you. But, hey, during your cruise you can just live vicariously through me as I go about my mundane existence enduring the 90+ degree heat and humidity of July in Central Ohio. Because it’s *so* much more interesting than the beauty, serenity, and fun of Bermuda.
Where will your sister stay when you are hooking up with your bartender, Isaac Washington?
Roy – She’ll be helping shovel out Hell, because Hell will surely have frozen over if I manage to hook up on this cruise.
Do you have an iPhone? Is that why you’d contact Apple?
I just got something from AT&T two days ago about an international data plan for iPhones for an extra $29 or something.
I hope they do have internet so you can update about the cruise and post pictures!
(if not, you’ll just have to text me them
)
My parents want to go on a cruise this coming summer, but I doubt it’ll happen.
Yeah. It’s the best thing that’s happened to me. I love it.
As sexy as an iPhone is, just nonchalantly flash it around a bit and your sister’ll be forced to shovel in no time.
Bartender: “Hey, is that an iPhone?”
Craig: “Why, yes it is.”
Bartender: “Can I hold it?”
Bow-Ch-Ch-Bow-Bow…
Heheh, dont forget to take the lime green innertube thingee too! You look great with that around your waist (see photos above!) And I’m certain it would be a great conversation starter, leading right into your #4…sorta.
HUGS…
Craig, here’s a random Amelia Earhart fact: she is an alumus of Purdue University. So if you see her you can talk about how Purdue has a decent basketball team this year.
Your fake tan looks like me without a tan. You are the whitest man I know.
But then, I’ve never been on a cruise. Sigh.
Make sure you provide us with a picture of you in a funny straw hat. Can you do anything about the socializing issue / panic attacks? I worry about you, shy child.
Jake – For the last time, I will not send you naked pictures of myself. But I will gladly accept them from you.
Claudia – That’s a good one! I bet they get terrible TV reception in the Bermuda Triangle, so I’m sure she’ll be dying to know how they’re doing!
David – Hush you!
Sue – I think the alcohol will help. I can be pretty brazen when I’m tipsy!
Yes, the blinding whiteness reminds me that I need to book a tanning package, stat!
I hope your sister doesn’t mistakenly book an Atlantis cruise. She might be shoveling for a long time….
Tag! your it!
I’m tagging you for a Meme pay backs for taking my name off your list! lol (Just kidding)
(7random things about me) No rules! Have fun!
I pride myself on being anti-social and I did just fine on the cruise I took.
As for the internet thing…any cruise ship worth going on will have high speed service. Fret not on that aspect.
P.S. Take some dramamine!!
Unsightly shoulder hair?? It’s just inches away from your neck, use razor. But in your case you can prob use tweezers. I went to the Bahamas with my Sister, but we flew because the travel agent told us there would be too many “old” people on the cruise. While we were there we met a retired couple from New York who came on a cruise. We hung out for two days till they left, they were the highlight of the trip. Wish we had taken the cruise.
Cruising is EXCELLENT, as long as it’s not that “freestyle” shit, they charge you for EVERYTHING.
A good cruise is all inclusive. The will make statues out of butter!
That is supposed to be THEY will make statues out of butter.
I got a little excited.
You mean your Mother is actually going to LET you go on a cruise before her? You know that will now make three of her children that have cruised before her.
We LOVED the honeymoon cruise and the best part – 24 hour kitchen!!! Whatever you do, don’t get suckered into the “sit-at-the-big-table” game. If you choose to sit for dinner, go with the two person table. I know you’re going with your sister, but she’s probably better conversation than some people you might meet on the ship.
So I guess that means you won’t be making it to The Beach this year, huh?
Have a good trip. It is good to try (some) new things. Life can be a feast of experience when one is open to new things.
You may want to experiment with the shoulder hair removal in advance of the cruise. A friend of mine tried both shaving and waxing a little back hair, on separate occasions, right before cruises. Each time his skin broke out badly. It may be best to give yourself time to heal in case it goes badly. Acceptance also works. The right guy will see past your shoulder hair.
I have never been on an extended cruse myself. I have heard conflicting things about “motion issues”. Some say you can’t feel it due to the size of the boat, and others did experience motion sickness. Dramamine may be good, but be careful because it made me really really drowsy. I mostly slept through a glass bottom boat tour in the Keys.
Have a great vacation!
Craig, I love you so much. Will you be my gay boyfriend? I mean, I’m sure you have all the straight women falling all over you all the time, but really, you are the best! And I figure I can be really useful to you. You see, I’m married, so I have lots of experience pulling those unsightly hairs you have growing on your shoulder. Since it doesn’t seem like your wife Natalie is taking care of that for you. By the way, you might consider getting her a little Botox. She appears a little stiff.
xoxoxo,
Me
You better find some WiFi. We can’t have you taking a real vacation without us!
Depending on what ship you get, they have internet access aboard ship at about 45 cents a minute so chatting online is kind of spendy. Otherwise you can drink, eat and hook-up to your hearts content. I have always found that on straight cruises if you hang out with the crew there are more possibilities for fun than with the passengers anyway. I once spent an amazing week on cruise in the Caribbean and I never left my cabin.
Bow-ch-ch-bow-bow.