Apr
22
THE DODO BIRD
People often call me a “dodo” and I’m like: “What does that mean?” So I look it up, and apparently “dodo” stems from the Portuguese word “doido”, which means “crazy”. And then I’m like: “That’s not very nice!” So to make myself feel better, I look up other translations, and I learn that the word “dodo” also stems from the Dutch word “dodaers”, which means “fat ass”. And then I go back to my cubicle and cry and cry and cry. Or they could just be referring to the bird of that name, which is often pigeonholed as being stupid. So either way, I lose.
The dodo is was a bird native to the island Mauritius in the Indian Ocean. The island was first visited by the Portuguese (who didn’t settle there) in the early 1500’s and then by the Dutch (who did settle there) in the late 1500’s. Oh yeah, the island was also visited by Arabs and Malays as early as the 900’s, but they’re not white enough, so history just pats them on the head and says “good job”. So that’s why we don’t know if the word “dodo” stems from the Portuguese word for “crazy” or the Dutch word for “fat ass”. Either way, the dodo is going to have some severe inadequacy issues to deal with. Oh, maybe that’s why people call me a “dodo”?
The dodo is was a flightless bird who’s lineage stems from that of the modern pigeon, which is a flightfull bird, generally in the direction of my head. Did anyone else know that dodos were a meter tall and weighed up to 50 pounds? Liar. That’s a lot bigger than I pictured in my head. Not that I picture dodos in my head when I should be working, and not crying.
Dodos, like most animals evolving in isolated areas, don’t didn’t have an innate fear of humans, so when humans came to the island, the dodos were all like: “Hey guys! Let’s get this party started!” and the humans were like: “Sure thing! There’s only one catch: you’re the party!” And when hungry white guys are coming at you with machetes, you finally start to envy your flightfull kin even though they have to live in New York City, which is uber-expensive and the subways always uber-suck.
Dodos are commonly used as an example of extinct species because their demise occurred during recorded human history and is attributed to human activity. Even if the humans didn’t kill them all, the pigs, dogs, and other animals that they brought along with them certainly didn’t help. For many years the dodo was regarded as being extremely stupid. This was the human’s way of saying: “We didn’t kill the dodos! They were so stupid! They practically killed themselves!” Because sometimes we need to lie to ourselves to make us feel better. After all, if shiploads of humans unloaded on an island full of adorable kitty cats instead, people might be calling me “pussy” instead of “dodo”.
Oh wait.
NOW TELL ME SOMETHING I DON’T KNOW.
April 22nd, 2008 at 6:49 am
I also read that the dodos were thought of as a food source, but they didn’t taste very good.
But on to something you may not know: all the poems of Emily Dickinson can be sung to the tune of The Yellow Rose of Texas.
April 22nd, 2008 at 7:10 am
Also with the extinction of the dodo came the extinction of the Calvaria tree. The plant relied on the dodos to eat its fruit and poop out its indigestible seeds in order to germinate. Without the dodo’s crucial part in the tree’s survival, the Calvaria tree disappeared.
———–
Only about 30% of respondents in a recent survey noticed the arrow in the FedEx logo.
April 22nd, 2008 at 7:49 am
If properly slaughtered, giraffe meat is considered kosher.
April 22nd, 2008 at 8:08 am
Everything you ever need to know about a dodo you can learn from Looney Toons…that’s all I got for ya.
April 22nd, 2008 at 9:52 am
3212333, 222, 399, 3212333, 322321
April 22nd, 2008 at 9:54 am
Dodos were 1 meter high?! Wow.
Following up on DaveS’s fine comment, you can also sing the “Gilligan’s Island” song to the tune of Amazing Grace.
April 22nd, 2008 at 10:05 am
Alright FDot, I give up…say what?
April 22nd, 2008 at 10:08 am
So people are calling you stupid crazy fatass???
Hmm, well, I don’t know much about dodo’s, but I imagine they’d taste just like chicken!
HUGS…
April 22nd, 2008 at 10:09 am
I got it Fdot! All those years of piano lessons paid off!
April 22nd, 2008 at 10:24 am
Prosopagnosia is the inability to recognize faces. It can be caused by a brain injury, but you can also be born with it. Some people with prosopagnosia cannot even recognize family members. The genetic form of prosopagnosia is not well studied, partly because people with the condition accept it as normal and partly because those who know something is wrong won’t admit it (how would you like word getting out that you would not be able to describe someone who attacked you?) So, if you often walk right past people you know, or rely very heavily on nametags, there might be a scientific explanation.
April 22nd, 2008 at 10:38 am
Craig– make the call
April 22nd, 2008 at 10:41 am
Got it! I don’t want to spoil it for anyone else though. FDot, I’m going to email you, please confirm via a comment that I’m correct!
April 22nd, 2008 at 10:42 am
Hopefully this works….I couldn’t resist:
April 22nd, 2008 at 10:43 am
http://songza.com/z/xc8yuk
or try that.
April 22nd, 2008 at 10:51 am
My company blocks the songza website
Got a youtube link?
April 22nd, 2008 at 11:07 am
FDot: Goober. Just figured it out. I was trying to think too hard and almost missed it.
April 22nd, 2008 at 11:08 am
“Weren’t white enough so history just pats them on the head” — I LOVE that line.
I learn so much from you. I feel my GRE score going up after I read these posts.
April 22nd, 2008 at 11:42 am
I couldn’t find a you tube link.
it was super obnoxious too. dang.
April 22nd, 2008 at 11:46 am
Don’t worry joe (psyczo???), I’ll take a look at it when I get home.
April 22nd, 2008 at 11:49 am
it’s a loooooooooooooooong story. (it’s an old screenname from highschool that i never let go of)…..ok so maybe it’s not a long story.
April 22nd, 2008 at 12:01 pm
Craig— Excellent job…you are correct sir!
April 22nd, 2008 at 12:03 pm
In keeping with the bird theme:
-In order to scare away predators, Giant petrels, a type of seabird, throw up all over the intruder.
-Baby robins eat 14 feet of earthworms every day!
-When two lovebirds appear to be kissing, they are actually grooming each other with their bills to keep clean and neat.
Happy Tuesday Everyone!!!!!!
April 22nd, 2008 at 12:46 pm
You probably already know these, but the late James Doohan, who played Scotty from Star Trek, was missing the middle finger on his right hand and Captain Kirk never said “Beam me up Scotty.” The closest he came was “Beam me up, Mr. Scott.”
April 22nd, 2008 at 1:03 pm
FDot - Woo! I am awesome!
April 22nd, 2008 at 1:09 pm
The quagga, like the dodo, was hunted to extinction by man, though not until the late nineteenth century. It was a kind of zebra and only one was ever photographed. It was also the first extinct animal ever to have its DNA studied.
April 22nd, 2008 at 1:31 pm
I don’t know how to break this to you, but people are saying that you are a doo doo.
April 22nd, 2008 at 1:48 pm
I am so confused by f-dot….
Tired of not talking to a person when calling companies? Me too. Go to http://www.gethuman.com to avoid the hassle, you will be glad you learned about this website today…thank you puntabulous
April 22nd, 2008 at 1:56 pm
Craig, people have apparently also called you a dork. You’ve even used it in your blog tagline. But dork has two meanings…
dork (dôrk) n.
1. Slang A stupid, inept, or foolish person: “the stupid antics of America’s favorite teen-age cartoon dorks” (Joshua Mooney).
2. Vulgar Slang The penis.
[Perhaps from dork, variant of dirk.]
dork’i·ness n., dork’y adj.
So, when I see your tagline, I sometimes think “Good penis-y fun” and blush.
April 22nd, 2008 at 3:49 pm
I was in your fair city this past week and you are correct about the subways. Nasty dungeons under the city smelling of urine! But the hot guys in Central Park with practically no clothes on made up for it.
As for a fun fact: If you toss a penny 10,000 times, it will not be heads 5,000 times, but more like 4,950. The heads picture weighs more, so it ends up on the bottom.
April 22nd, 2008 at 4:04 pm
According to a variety of sources (including a BBC documentary and an article in the New York Post in 2002 — so you know it’s true), Elvis Presley was consuming over 100,000 calories per day toward the end of his life. Apparently, much of that came in form of a loaf of french bread, coated with a jar of pb, a jar of jelly, fried bacon and bacon fat. Two of those per day, goes the rumor. [I have a hard time seeing that add up to the reported 42,000 calories per loaf, but....]
Which calls to mind two questions:
1. Could it be that the Dodos died of a lousy diet? Or did they all OD on the toilet?
2. Just how gross would Elvis’s nose grease have been?
Mmmm. The ultimate Elvis collectable….
April 22nd, 2008 at 4:15 pm
100,000 calories per day!!!
Holy crap!!!!!
O.D. must have stood for Outrageous Dump!
April 22nd, 2008 at 4:24 pm
Wow, already a month of Teach me something Tuesdays. Adored this post, so cute and informative, if a little melancholic. Everytime ‘is’ was crossed through for ‘was’ I felt my bottom lip threaten to go.
Since am again devoid of interesting facts to share, thought I would share a couple of my favourite words instead:
mellifluous - adj. (Of voice or words) sweet as honey.
susurration - n. whispering, rustling.
He spoke in a mellifluous susurration
April 23rd, 2008 at 1:28 am
Currently use of guinea pigs in laboratory testing is declining. With the advent of molecular biology and gene sequencing, researchers have discovered that they have no idea where they came from (genetically). Many believe g. pig genes don’t match other members of the rodent order close enough to continue justifying the g. pig’s spot in this order. The other close match, lagomorphs (bunnies), is just that, a close match - so they aren’t lagomorphs either.
So to sum it up, they were probably just dropped from a spaceship into the middle of Peru.