May
16
1. Smokers who take smoke breaks at work. It was annoying when I was a bus boy and I had to clean up more tables because the other bus boys were taking their smoke break. But it’s possibly more annoying now, working in a New York City office building where the elevator ride makes each break a 20 minute excursion.
2. People who have enormous umbrellas. What? You can’t get a single drop on you? Seriously, next time it rains I’m going to take the umbrella from our patio furniture and go stomping down a crowded sidewalk and see how they like it.
3. I’m also not crazy about the 20 pounds I’ve gained in the last year. My mom can’t stop going on about how much she loves it and how much better I look. She should feel how I feel in my pants. Especially my jeans after they’ve come out of the wash! She also enjoys calling it the “secretary spread” because all I do is sit at my desk all day. Which makes me feel so much better about it. Maybe I need to start workin out? Or I could just wait until my pants can’t take it any longer and the button pops off and takes out someone’s eye and the state of New York mandates that I exercise for the good of public safety.
4. Two weeks until the next LOST? How come no one told me this before? I was left feeling cold and betrayed when the LOST announcer guy was like: “The season finale of LOST in two weeks! At a special time!”. Special, my ass! And how come I always write LOST in capital letters? It’s not like it’s anagram or anything. I guess it’s because of the wooshing logo in the beginning. And Lost just doesn’t look right.
5. Can you please just tell us when the second half of the current season of Battlestar Galactica will be airing? If you’re going to push it back to 2009, at least tell me now so I can prepare myself. I don’t do well when my TV schedule is thrust upon me without my prior consent (see above). As a public service I’d like to inform you that there is no Battlestar Galactica next week. They’re taking a break for Memorial Day. As if we actually do anything on Memorial Day weekend.
And just so I’m not a complete Negative Nellie today, here’s another Battlestar Galactica LOLCat:
May 16th, 2008 at 8:32 am
Dear cute Craig, if your weight is really botherin’ ya, there is not much to do but exercise. But look, you don’t have to pump iron (i love how that sounds) all day long. Maybe start with a bycicle, some walking, listening to music, you know. As for smokers and TV schedule, couldn’t agree more. We ARE creature of habit! Which is why all you really need is to START doin’ some exercise. Soon it becomes just another habit.
Not like you need a fit body with that cuteness factor anyway, silly.
May 16th, 2008 at 8:46 am
Nobody told you this? You don’t have to be a smoker to take a smoke break. Just don’t smoke while you’re out there.
May 16th, 2008 at 8:46 am
#1) I am a smoker but hide my smoke breaks around meetings and when non-smokers aren’t likely to find out, it is the least I can do for you people that cheered the death of smoking lounges in buildings…
#2) I am extremely heavy (to put it nicely) and that large unmrella keeps me dry unlike those small umbrellas you thin people use…
#3) Please Craig, I’ll send you pictures of me in my swimsuit, you’ll feel good about yourself for the next 20 years of weight gain…also, please stop leading me back to Dave’s abs, it makes me want to join a gym…
#4 and 5) Be positive and use this time to read your new starwars book or more importantly give us some Vagina Girl updates…
Cats and Battlestar G—nice way to go into the weekend!
May 16th, 2008 at 9:06 am
We’ve already talked about #3, so you know my thoughts on that.
This woman I worked with years ago expressed her frustration at #2 perfectly: Why do you need that golf umbrella? You’re only one being!
May 16th, 2008 at 9:07 am
Craiggers, sweetie, just bite the bullet and buy bigger pants. It saves a lot of stress, heartache, and strain (when attempting to put on your pants).
Or you could, as you mentioned, exercise. I’m basically lazy, so I always go the bigger pants route. But if you exercise, you MAY end up not only with 20 pounds less on you, but abs like Dave S. (oooooo, Dave S.’s abs……..)
HUGS…..
May 16th, 2008 at 9:30 am
You mean you’re actually considering working out? Could it be?! That would so make my day. In fact, I’m tempted to pay for your gym membership myself.
Stick with me and you’ll be well on your way to abs of steel!
May 16th, 2008 at 9:56 am
Dave’s additional grievances (though not as entertaining):
- Guys that step into a stall with a daily paper and emerge a half hour later. My personal experience shows that the act of defecation takes much less time. Does parking you bare backside on a seating device designed to spread your butt-cheeks make reading about the presidential race somehow more enjoyable? Or is it that their intoxicated by their own scent mingling with the smell of newsprint and soy ink?
- Ordering *anything* at Starbucks. I can feel my testosterone levels begin to be sapped at the mere voicing of the word “Venti.” Or it would at least be nice to not get such a confused look from the counter person (oh, I’m sorry — “barrista”) when I just order a medium coffee.
May 16th, 2008 at 10:21 am
Oh my dear Craig, just post my shirtless pic on your fridge, I guarantee you will run and do some sit-ups, or vomit, either way that 20lbs will just drop right off.
Mary Poppins had a big umbrella and everyone seemed to like her, then again she would fly away with it not poke you in the ear on the train platform.
My biggest grievance: The person driving 20mph under the speed limit in the left lane with their left turn-signal on while talking on the phone, they are very lucky that the Ford Taurus does not come with Photon Torpedo Launchers. “Mr. Worf………………FIRE!”
May 16th, 2008 at 10:22 am
Aren’t you a black belt or something? Just go out and start whooping ass. That’ll whip you into shape. In fact, I have a list of people you can start with, if you’re interested.
May 16th, 2008 at 10:37 am
Don’t talk about my black belt too loudly, I don’t want to lose any dorky street cred.
May 16th, 2008 at 10:43 am
Hmm…
dorky…street…cred.
There’s something oxymoronic about that.
May 16th, 2008 at 10:44 am
You hold your 20 lbs well, Craig. Don’t be so concerned about “working out” but I do suggest getting your butt on the treadmill or going for a jog around a track near home. It’s a good habit to get into while you’re young. I agree re: the smokers, that’s b.s.! They should stay after work to make up the time lost to suck on their burning sticks filled with dried leaves and chemicals. Finally, I have an enormous umbrella…my only justification is the same as if I drove an SUV: it just makes me feel better.
May 16th, 2008 at 10:50 am
If I read that right, Craig complains both of his lack of exercise AND working in a building where riding the elevator takes an inordinate amount of time.
I see two birds, Craig, and here is one stone….
May 16th, 2008 at 10:54 am
Craig: popular wisdom states that a person gains about 10 pounds a decade as they age. So you’re either an overachiever or you better get your butt in gear and deal with this (oops, sorry, that’s the mom coming out).
EAS: In Wisconsin, freeway driving requires three things: refusing to move over for merging drivers; driving below the speed limit in the middle lane; and driving at the speed limit in the left (passing) lane. So while only a handful do the things you discuss, everyone in the entire state except me, my immediate family, and my boss who is from Minnesota works very hard to tie up every goddam lane.
May 16th, 2008 at 10:57 am
I see where you are going with this TwoPi: Craig should become a chain smoker.
And stay away from Wendy’s. Uggh.
May 16th, 2008 at 11:00 am
2) Do it. Bring the patio umbrella next time and see what happens.
3) David is correct at the top. All I do for exercise is a bike (with a tv in front of it) and walking…saves the money on a gym, and it does the job.
5) The consensus seems to be that the first 11 episodes will air now. It will take until September to finish post production on the other episodes, so the plan is to have a Season 2esque dvd release. 4.0 will come out later this year in time for the final 9 episodes airing around December/January.
Memorial Day? I’ll be celebrating by staying at home by myself and watching dvd’s.
May 16th, 2008 at 11:34 am
Damnit Craig, it’s friday give us something to be happy about besides those damn pussies! Be happy, it’s the weekend and that means its time to do the things that aren’t good for you.
May 16th, 2008 at 11:50 am
20 pounds, really? You carry it well. Seriously, I never have would have guessed. In your latest pics you look “Fabulous”. But I have to admit the idea of Craig with a Dave S. body is pretty close to the perfect man.
I’m cooking rib eyes on the grill and fries in the deep frier tonight so feel free to take the 400 mile drive and join me. The Best time to start a diet is always tomorrow!
May 16th, 2008 at 12:16 pm
>>the idea of Craig with a Dave S. body is pretty close to the perfect man.
Hmm…Note to self: Rent Face/Off this weekend…
May 16th, 2008 at 12:18 pm
Another grievance:
- Multiple postings by the same person about a single Puntabulous post.
Jeez, I hate those kinds of people…
May 16th, 2008 at 12:21 pm
Wow Dave! Five so far! Good work!
May 16th, 2008 at 12:51 pm
Sorry Craig, didn’t mean to suggest that you weren’t perfect already, everybody knows that; right? I was just thinking if Dave S. was your personal trainer, and you were on the bench press, he could “spot” you. The view would be motivational enough. I know he likes the (V-Word) but I think you could get beyond that. Just trying to help
May 16th, 2008 at 1:04 pm
No offense taken Mark! In a perfect world I’d have Dave’s body without all that pesky working out!
May 16th, 2008 at 1:43 pm
Mark: What exactly do you mean by “I think you could get beyond that”?
That sounds rather threatening…
#6!
May 16th, 2008 at 1:54 pm
No BSG next week Crap.
May 16th, 2008 at 2:11 pm
lolcat papercraft!
http://tubbypaws.blogspot.com/2008/03/meow-you-can-has-lolcats.html
May 16th, 2008 at 2:20 pm
That’s awesome Esther! Good find!
May 16th, 2008 at 2:23 pm
1. I usually take an extra 10-15 minutes in the afternoon to just stand in the lunchroom and read the paper. If anyone asks me what I’m doing, I reply that it’s my “smoke break”. We also have a stinky smoker here who complains that others stink when we wear deodorant or any other scented items. Hypocrite much?
2. I have a soccer mom umbrella that would be illegal on city streets. It could shelter an entire city block. Needless to say, that one stays in my car when I go downtown and I use my pocket-sized brolly.
3. “Secretary spread” is so offensive. Shouldn’t she have said “Administrative Professional Spread”? I know from which I type…I have APS myself.
4. Glad you didn’t include any LOST spoilers in this post. We won’t be watching as a family until at least tomorrow night. But two weeks until the finale? Two Weeks??!!!
5. Must start watching this show.
May 16th, 2008 at 4:49 pm
You always put a smile on my face. I hate on the BART train in the morning, it’s a quiet, long ride through the transbay tube, I am happily reading The Lady in the Tower or The Queen’s Fool or whatever Tudor historical fiction I am on at the time, and the idiot in the seat next to me has to GET UP AND PREPARE to get off the train WELL BEFORE WE ARE EVEN NEAR THE NEXT STATION. It interrupts my reading time and they look like an idiot standing by the door looking out at the black wall of the tube. The only redeeming aspect of this is when the idiot stands on the wrong side of the train and is still standing there staring at the wall when the doors on the platform side of the train open.
May 16th, 2008 at 7:12 pm
“In a perfect world I’d have Dave’s body without all that pesky working out!”
Wow, Craiggers, when you’re done with Dave S.’s body, and I have it? Just for about…oh ten minutes. really five oughta do…
HUGS….
May 17th, 2008 at 2:16 am
A few years ago I felt that I was getting a little bit heavier than I would care to be. I decided to make a few minor lifestyle changes, and I believe that helped me to loose some weight. I had a habit of drinking juice in the evening. A large glass of juice can be a few hundred calories. I switched to drinking water with a dash of lemon juice in it. I also had a habit of eating late night snacks. I decided to skip the snacks, and eat a pickle or two if I was hungry before bed. Pickles have no calories. I still mostly eat whatever I want when ever I want, but I try to be more conscious of drinking unnecessary calories (like in juice).
Some people wear their weight well, others less so. I wouldn’t worry too much about a little extra weight unless it effects your health, or your self esteem in a negative way. You can always get bigger pants if need be. I tend to think that pants look better if they are well filled out rather than being really baggy on a guy.
May 18th, 2008 at 12:17 pm
LOL at the patio umbrella. Please do–and take photos and post them.
May 18th, 2008 at 2:29 pm
If smokers didn’t take smoke breaks at work, what kind of breaks would they take?
I hate getting into the elevator with a smoker after they take a smoke break, though… Such the grossest smell.
May 18th, 2008 at 4:52 pm
I should feel how you feel in your pants!
May 19th, 2008 at 12:03 am
Craig has secretary spread? Your mom’s funny.
And Phineas57 is naughty.
May 19th, 2008 at 7:55 am
LOL @ phineas57. Oh baby.