Puntabulous

How Cell Phones Ruin Everything

1. Cell phones ruin pool parties. Remember the good old days when you could push people into the water at pool parties? Not anymore! Yeah, pushing people who already have their bathing suits on is fine and all, but the real joy is getting three of your friends to hoist up an unsuspecting victim and throw them fully clothed into the water. However these days, everyone has a cell phone in their pocket. So if you try and throw them into the pool, they become a thrashing mess screaming “My cell phone! My cell phone!” Not fun.

2. People aren’t as awesome as you. Yes, yes, I know. You’re awesome. You’re not the problem. It’s the other guy. But to everyone else, you’re the other guy. The guy who has to let his friends know which movie theater he’s in. Or the woman who calls her credit card company on the quiet train.

3. You are always reachable. We all know that the 9 to 5 is long gone. It’s more like 8 to 5, or 9 to 6. But now with cell phones it almost like you’re on duty 24 hours a day! We even put our cell phone numbers on our business cards! Our personal cell phone on our business cards! If you can’t reach me on my work number, I’m either not at work or I’m busy. Don’t call me on my cell phone. I hate to break it to you, but just because I gave you my business card doesn’t mean you’re my number one priority.

4. Text messaging makes you a bad speller. c hw annying dis is? y do ppl talk like dis? What is it about cell phones that makes us talk like why were raised in the wild? “me tarzan. me c jane l8r?” My sister Amanda is a middle school social studies teacher and she says that her students will sometimes forget what they’re doing and use text language in their essays!

5. Cell phones make you an asshole. You may appear to be a reasonable person. But if you have the ability to check your email whenever you want. You will do it. A lot. No matter where you are. No matter how many friends you’re surrounded by. The temptation is just too irresistible. Who cares if your friend is talking to you? The idea of spam building up in your inbox makes you wet yourself.

6. Cell phones make you a paranoid wreck. Yeah, you’ve read the reports that cell phones don’t really give you cancer, so you feel safe keeping it in your pocket. But you’ve also seen the reports saying that drinking coffee is good for you, wait no, its bad for you, oh wait, sorry, its good for you again. These people don’t know what the hell they’re talking about. And every time you get a text message, your leg starts to tingle.

Have any you’d care to add?

LISTS | Craig | June 19, 2008 5:19 am

52 Comments

By ExAstrisScientia, June 19, 2008 @ 7:51 am

lol “me tarzan, me c jane l8tr”
of course as someone who is close to the age of 40 this text message would take me 45 minutes to type in
By HRH, June 19, 2008 @ 8:16 am

My favorite was #1.
By TwoPi, June 19, 2008 @ 8:20 am

7. Bluetoothed cell phones make it harder to spot the psychopaths. It used to be that a person stumbling down the grocery store aisle alone, arguing loudly and wildly gesticulating with their hands, was a clear sign to “STAY AWAY” or call 911; now it’s just another blue-toothed-bozo on aisle five.
By David, June 19, 2008 @ 8:56 am

8. Cell phones have ruined going to the theater.
It doesn’t matter how many times they announce it, there will be some douchebag who didn’t turn their phone off, so at some incredibly pivotal moment in the play we will be serenaded by Britney Spears’ “Toxic” as some middle aged woman frantically digs through the purse she shoved under her seat.
By polt, June 19, 2008 @ 8:59 am

Hear, hear, Craiggers!

Puntabulous For President from the Cell-Phones-And-More-Often-Their-Users-Suck Party!!!

You got my vote!

HUGS…
By Craig, June 19, 2008 @ 9:06 am

David: Seriously! When I went to see Sex and the City, someone actually answered their phone and started talking. They had about a 30 second conversation, which in theater time equals 1 hour.
By Steven., June 19, 2008 @ 9:15 am

Cell phones make you a shitty driver.

Cell phones make your photo taking skills subpar.

Cell phones make already lousy songs into lousier ringtones.

Cell phones make you pervy (who takes pics in the bathroom, anyway?).
By Joe, June 19, 2008 @ 9:55 am

I’m going to have to concur with everything. Also in movie theaters….If you are in a movie theater and you are wearing a bluetooth ear peice that blinks like the fucking magical light of narnia, you’re an asshole. I ended up throwing and empty cup at someone’s head in Sex in the city and yelling, “Take that fucking thing out of your ear!”….which she did.

I felt safe doing so because the theater was full of people that had my back.

On a more positive note, I will say that verizon’s VZ navigator has saved my life on more than one occassion while driving through the backwoods of georgia.
By andrew j, June 19, 2008 @ 10:22 am

All of these points are spot-on. My iPhone is making me an annoying know-it-all because the internet is with me everywhere I go. Anyone got a question? Can’t remember the name of that one actress from that one show? No worries, I’ll look it up.

Sometimes it can be used for good. Here, Craig:

http://www.aintitcool.com/node/37116

But most of the time, I say ignorance is bliss…

Came from my iPhone.
By claudia, June 19, 2008 @ 10:35 am

tell me about it! last night my boyfriend forgot his blackberry and when we got back to my place after dinner he had to use my phone to call his voicemail. i was like “are you expecting an urgent call?” um no just having a panic attack apparently.
By Tracy, June 19, 2008 @ 10:40 am

David beat me to it – cellphones have ruined going to the theatre AND the movies. I work in theatre, and it never ceases to amaze me how there is always ONE person who didn’t think we were talking about THEIR cellphone in the curtain speech, and *boom* right at the most inappropriate moment that fucker starts ringing. And sometimes they ANSWER IT!!! Unbelievable.

As for putting my cellphone on my business cards…no way. I give out on a need-to-know basis for people I work with, but if they’re calling me at home it had better be an emergency or an invitation to a party.
By roboto, June 19, 2008 @ 10:54 am

I actually stop talking to a friend because she would non-stop use her sidekick at social outings. It’s lame turn it off. People survived just fine in the past.
By Chris, June 19, 2008 @ 11:14 am

Every time I have to order new business cards I have to push back on my boss to keep my personal cell phone # off the card. No way, no how!
By Tony P, June 19, 2008 @ 11:38 am

I made the decision not to carry a personal cell phone many years ago. The only cell phones I’ll carry are work related and those are on vibrate at all times.

A cell phone is an electronic leash.

At my last job we didn’t put our cell numbers on business cards, but we did have a contact card that went to all critical personnel.

Oh one other thing, I also re-configured my Motorola v60 to not answer on open, and found that pressing end on an incoming call sent them right to voice mail. Handy feature!
By Sue, June 19, 2008 @ 12:10 pm

Ever had a cell phone ring during a funeral? And she had to answer it, so she could tell her caller she was at a funeral and couldn’t talk. There were almost two bodies that day. Tacky, tacky.
By Îž_Heather, June 19, 2008 @ 12:20 pm

My favorite happened-to-a-friend story was when she was teaching a college freshmen seminar class, and a student’s cell phone rang while the class was sitting in a circle having a discussion. In and of itself not a huge deal [usually the student (uhhhh, or very embarrassed teacher) is mortified and quickly turns it off], but in this case the student answered it, explained to the person that no, she wasn’t really doing anything important that moment, and then went out in the hall to chat.

That night’s homework was an essay on Cell Phone Etiquette.

My personal grievance is when people have personal conversations in public bathrooms. Do guys do this too? Because for some reason having a phone capture every sound makes the whole experience a LOT more public than I’m really comfortable with.
By Jere, June 19, 2008 @ 12:21 pm

Cell phones make me three times as likely to ignore people. Back in the day of land lines, I never would have splurged on a luxury like caller ID. These days, however, if a call shows up on my cell phone with ID blocked or an unknown number, I’m almost always going to silence the ring and let it go to voicemail.
By Craig, June 19, 2008 @ 12:27 pm

Heather: Yes, guys do this too. And if guys are talking on the phone in a bathroom stall, it means they’re definitely pooping. At least with girls they might just be peeing, which is only slightly better. It’s still best to keep phone conversations out of the bathroom.
By Danny, June 19, 2008 @ 12:42 pm

For many years I went without a cell phone having previously had one. Now, I have one again but I mostly use it to talk to my parents and friends during the weekends. It’s convenient when meeting friends out, but other than that I never have it with me. Most of the time I forget it at home and other times I just look at it before leaving the house, shrug my shoulders and leave it behind. People think I’m crazy. “I would die if I forgot my cell phone at home,” they say. They would die without a cell phone, and I’m the one that sounds lame? Go figure.
By Kimi, June 19, 2008 @ 1:32 pm

Heather, right on! That’s my biggest peeve…..I don’t want YOU to hear me peeing, I sure as hell don’t want your friend/business partner/mom/hair stylist to hear me too.
By Craig, June 19, 2008 @ 1:46 pm

Heather and Kimi: I just remembered this old post of mine that I think you’ll appreciate!

http://puntabulous.com/2005/09/26/puntabulously-grossed-out/

Geez, how long have I been blogging for?
By ExAstrisScientia, June 19, 2008 @ 2:10 pm

I couldn’t imagine being on a cell in this restroom

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z9o7TWxGxs0
By Sven, June 19, 2008 @ 4:18 pm

I cringe at the alarming range of mobile phone accessories people buy. Ringtones are bad enough, but does my phone really need a sleeping bag/dangly bejewelled attachment/glittery monogrammed initial? I think not. Mind you, I hate all phones. If someone came into your office and started banging the desk screaming “Talk to me! I need attention! Answer meee!!!!” no one would blame you for blinding them with a pair of pencils; but when the phone rings you’re the bad man if you don’t pick up. What’s that about?
By chamblee54, June 19, 2008 @ 4:55 pm

With rising gas prices, we need to consider everything that makes our gas mileage lower. Studies have shown that cell phone signals interfere with electronic fuel injection systems, resulting in lower gas mileage.
By Nicky, June 19, 2008 @ 5:22 pm

Umm actually cell phones are amazing! Of course they have their problems (#1 is SO true), but of course you have to remember all the good things about them.

My reason for not liking them-they make a huge unnatural bulge in my left pocket. Then when people see that bulge next to the bulge in the center, they don’t now which to look at more…. So annoying.
By Michelle M., June 19, 2008 @ 6:48 pm

Ugh – cell phones. Don’t have one, need one or want one.
I hate it when I go to lunch with my friends and they spend half their time either checking their phones or talking on them. If I got a cell phone, I could call them while we’re all at the table. Lame.
And do we really need cell phones anyway? Maybe if you’re a doctor or you’re waiting for an organ transplant… If someone really needs to talk to me, they can wait just wait till I get home. Geez.
God – when did I get so old and cranky?
By Summer, June 19, 2008 @ 9:28 pm

I don’t have a cell phone. I like being incommunicado.
By Îž_Heather, June 19, 2008 @ 9:31 pm

Geez Craig, you’ve been blogging for longer than I’ve known about blogs. You’re a pioneer!

I’m not convinced that pooping on the phone is any worse than peeing. Think about sound.

(I’ve certainly liked having a cell phone at times — car trouble(which we’ve had a lot of) and picking up stuff at the store are the biggies. But it’s all a question of location and priorities.)
By Andy McEntee, June 19, 2008 @ 10:17 pm

I have my personal cell phone, my work cell phone, and I think they are getting me a work BlackBerry as well. I also refuse to wear any of them on clips, so I guess I better start buying pants with bigger pockets or a purse.
By Derek, June 20, 2008 @ 2:09 am

Well it is highly annoying to be riding the train and listen to a girl talk about the guy she knows who’s facing 29 charges including rape and drug dealing and has a 2.2 million dollar bail, it makes for an excellent story for your friends later.
By Wondermann, June 20, 2008 @ 2:32 am

I agree with you, cell phones are becoming a drain in our system
By Hayden, June 20, 2008 @ 8:00 am

Craig, did you do this post on your cell phone?
By Megan, June 20, 2008 @ 11:02 am

My thoughts exactly. I often want to shove my husband’s blackberry down his throat because he can’t sit through one meal without picking up the phone.
By Joe, June 20, 2008 @ 1:13 pm

A cellphone killed my mom.
By Tony P, June 20, 2008 @ 3:21 pm

Regarding classroom cell phones. I was in a position where I was on call 24/7 so I needed to have my cell on during class.

At the beginning of the term I’d talk to the instructor and explain the nature of my job and that I had to answer the calls. All of them had no problem with that.

If my phone did vibrate I’d get up while un-holstering the phone and go outside the classroom to take the call.

I think cell phones simply amplify the lack of courtesy evident in society today.
By phineas57, June 20, 2008 @ 11:53 pm

I work for a major symphony orchestra. No matter how many announcements are made before the performance, someone’s phone always rings during the QUIETEST musical passage. Sometimes they answer it. Get with it people, this is a live unamplified musical performance! The audience cannot hit pause, replay or hear it again later.

Almost as annoying are the people who have no sense of privacy (or shame). You know the ones. The girl who sits behind you on the bus or train and phones some other girl to talk about (1) how big he is; (2) how curved it is or (3) how much friskier he is since he got out of jail.
By Jason, June 22, 2008 @ 7:11 pm

You said it! I have issues with feeling like a slave to the phone. Sometimes people get so freaked out because they just have. To answer. The phone!
By shammah, June 23, 2008 @ 12:14 pm

how about how cell phones have helped people. i’ve been on a number of dates that haven’t gone well and had an “emergency” where i had someone call and i say my sister needed an emergency babysitter or if you recieve a call and don’t like that person yet don’t have the heart to say “i don’t like you”, they know when it rings once then is sent to voice mail, they know they’re now wanted. or if you’re walking and see someone you don’t want to talk to, just pretend you’re on the phone and it’s important (just hope it’ doesn’t ring while doing so)
By Ryan R., June 23, 2008 @ 6:11 pm

Cell phones don’t ruin everything. Jerks with cell phones ruin everything.
By Lynette, June 28, 2008 @ 10:11 pm

I personally LOVE my cell phone, now when my husband gets calls all the time, no matter what hour, of course with his line of work, and since he does bring home the bacon, I should shut up, but HIS cell phone gets on MY nerves.

It is ALL about ME….he has learned to deal with it, LOL
By Ryan, July 20, 2008 @ 1:36 am

I personally use my cell phone alot but there are times when i wish i didnt have one. People always text me and its not asking if i wanna do something with them its always “wats up” and the most annoying people text me sometimes and when you stop texting them they text back with an annoying “u there” and they are so expensive its hard for me to pay the bill every month and texting is so bad where I’m from one guy was texting during his own graduation and i hate it when your at a party and then your texting people about that party. Somedays when I’m away from home my cell phone is very handy though so they arent all that bad
By ehsaan, July 21, 2008 @ 7:23 am

id love to add how cell phones have made us worse at planning…

“Hey guys where are we gonna meet up inside?”

“Who cares! Well just call each other!”

“Ok….sure”

(the guy’s battery dies…everyone spends 2 hours trying to find the jackass that decided not to plan correctly while carrying a dead phone)
By GermanBrot, August 14, 2008 @ 8:53 pm

1)ppl tlk like dis bc u only hv 160 char per txt u n00b…
2)People talk like this because you only have 160 characters for each text message you newbie!
saves money for some people and can send only 1 text instead of having to send 2 or even 3 at a time… Maybe its the phone companys fault that “ppl” have to get creative to communicate short and to the point…?
It is pretty sad if people are starting to apply this lang-o to everyday life though (outside of the cell world).
By Selig, December 11, 2008 @ 10:27 pm

I’m one of the few people who actually bother to use proper spelling AND *GASP* grammer!
By Phathom, December 19, 2008 @ 1:34 am

I actually love my cell phone, but I am not a fanatic with it. People forget to realize that everything when used appropriately is helpful, especially in this day and age where personal safety is a heightened situation. With that said, I can’t stand people who go checkout when there is an actual person there, that will talk on the cell phones and are rude to the person checking them out as if they deserve to be ignored or something! Cell phones publicly bring out the lack of morals, respect and just plain common compassion for others in some people these days.
By Jeff Lange, December 19, 2008 @ 2:48 am

Oh so true. I agree with all of these, and I especially like #1. I used to love throwing people in my pool. Not anymore…
By kam, December 30, 2008 @ 5:26 pm

the most annoying phone is probably the sidekick. its like an addictive drug for teen people in their early 20′s.
By Mymode, January 21, 2009 @ 12:54 pm

I like #4..though I’m afraid that one day someone somewhere would make them official and put them in dictionaries..;-)
By Dan, January 30, 2009 @ 11:25 am

@Selig

Maybe if you could spell grammar correctly.

Also, I do notice myself checking my iPhone more than necessary, but I don’t really think it gets in the way of anything. And it’s almost always on vibrate. But I have actually discovered that it has become less of a distraction as I have gotten used to having it.
By dave, February 18, 2009 @ 8:51 pm

lol, number one makes me sad….
By annoyed best friend, January 14, 2010 @ 6:56 pm

Whenever I’m out with my best friend she’s ALWAYS texting someone. No matter how many times I ask her to stop, she starts up again after five minutes. Sometimes she misses what I say or forgets what she’s saying, because heaven forbid someone says something “important”, that isn’t me. Just once I would like to hang out with someone that wants to be hanging out with me, and not have to tell me I’m not good enough by texting the whole time.
By K850i, March 31, 2010 @ 3:15 pm

Its true tah everyone has their cell inside their back pocket or somewhere on their body. But push them in the pool anyway, its funny and most cell will survive, if not there is always insurance to replace the phone