Puntabulous

The Best Package Ever

So I come home one day to find a small box on my front steps. “What a nice box!” I thought to myself.

But one can never be too careful so I had my bomb-sniffing snail Argyle check it out to make sure it was safe.

When he deemed it safe, I opened it up to reveal baked goods! And lots of them!

And not just any baked goods! Super Viagra and Vagina Girl baked goods! Seriously! Look at them! They are incredible! From the M&M eyes, to the Fruit Roll-Up capes and the Twizzler arms and legs, these cookies are a work of art!

They were so cool, I almost felt bad eating them! Almost.

Yum! Who knew Super Viagra would be so delicious?!

Wow! It’s a party in my mouth and Super Viagra is invited! “Wait your turn Vagina Girl! I’ll get to you in a minute!”

Yummy yummy in my tummy tummy! Say “Hi” Super Viagra!

But wait, something isn’t right.

Oh no. I don’t feel so good.

Oh god! No! They’re poisoned!

And then I died. Seriously. Did no one teach me not to eat food sent to me from strangers in the mail?

Okay fine. I’m not really dead. These spectacular and delicious (and not at all poisoned) cookies were the work of my favorite people Îž_Heather and TwoPi from the blog 360, and of course their trusty sidekick Godzilla. They took some pictures of the cookie making process which they were kind enough to share:

Frankly, I’ll eat anything that has cream cheese involved.

When Godzilla isn’t mixing chaos and destruction, he’s mixing ingredients with his mixer of death.

A far cry from the flattening of cities he’s used to. But today he’s using his powers for good, not evil.

Godzilla would just like to clarify that just because he likes to bake, it doesn’t make him any less of a huge scary monster.

I can only assume that Godzilla used his radioactive fire breath to bake the cookies.

And only the delicate grace of Godzilla could decorate these cookies so precisely.

So yeah, these cookies are amazing! I can’t thank Îž_Heather and TwoPi enough for their incredible present! The time and thought that went into these cookies is staggering and I’m honored that they would go through the trouble for little old me. Thank you very much guys!

PHOTO ALBUMS | Craig | June 25, 2008 5:20 am

107 Comments

By Mjohnson, June 25, 2008 @ 5:28 am

I think those guys may have missed a trick by not actually putting Viagra in Super Viagra. Of course doing the same to vagina girl would have been less funny.
By Burner, June 25, 2008 @ 5:47 am

hahaha, that is pretty damn cool!

But Mjohnson is right…real Viagra in them would have been funny.
By Dave S., June 25, 2008 @ 6:35 am

That’s awesome! They turned out great. Very very cool. Plus an Argyle cameo!

And I never realized Godzilla’s culinary creativity. I’m thinking Food Network. I’m thinking head-to-head Toho cupcake challenge against Mothra.

Godzooky would be so proud.
By Dave S., June 25, 2008 @ 6:36 am

Oh, and you didn’t die.

That’s always good too.
By john, June 25, 2008 @ 6:39 am

I was a little worried when I read “Wait something isn’t right.” I was wondering if this blog was suddenly going NSFW.

Excellent job ladies and Godzilla!
By Craig, June 25, 2008 @ 7:06 am

John: I just wanted to clarify that TwoPi is a guy’s name. Like Tupac.

And maybe there WAS viagra in the cookies and I just didn’t notice because…you know.
By HRH, June 25, 2008 @ 7:30 am

very cool.
By Colleen, June 25, 2008 @ 8:09 am

Kick ass! Noticed that you didn’t eat any vagina (Vagina Girl that is)… hee hee hee.
By Leahbear, June 25, 2008 @ 8:13 am

THAT is the awesomest thing I’ve ever seen.

You should figure out how to mass produce them and sell them in your SV and VG stores. Then EVERYONE can experience the joy of getting cookies from strangers in the mail!
By Craig, June 25, 2008 @ 8:17 am

Colleen: I wanted to take Vagina Girl out to a nice dinner before I eat her.

Leahbear: Good idea!

Get to work Îž_Heather and TwoPi!
By David, June 25, 2008 @ 8:30 am

Thanks, Heather and TwoPi.
Thanks for raising the bar, regarding cool gifts sent to Craig, to an unreachable level.
Thanks for ruining it for the rest of us mere mortals.
Yeah. Thanks a lot.
By Sue, June 25, 2008 @ 8:47 am

Perhaps you are not aware of this, Craig, but your friends are pastry-chef-caliber bakers. Superfine sugar, real butter… PARCHMENT PAPER! Although you seem to appreciate their gift, I do not think you realize the level of their expertise. You are in Martha Stewart territory here, Pal.
By john, June 25, 2008 @ 9:00 am

Craig: D’OH! I was afraid of that! I even went to the site to try to figure it out, but was running late getting ready for work and didn’t check my facts. My apologies to TwoPi (the cookies still rock though).

Craig: I think you reached your humility quota for the week yesterday…..
By polt, June 25, 2008 @ 9:10 am

I would have thought, in your case, the Vagina Girl cookies would have been the ones to make you sick.

Awesome cookies, though. Seriously. I’m jealous.

HUGS…
By Mark, June 25, 2008 @ 9:12 am

After you take Vagina Girl out to dinner, you can spare us a pic of you eating her. A few of us might hurl
By Avitable, June 25, 2008 @ 9:16 am

Nobody ever bakes me cookies of my self-illustrated naked self with huge penis.
By Craig, June 25, 2008 @ 9:20 am

Avitable: That’s because there’s not enough sugar in the world to handle the enormity of your penis.

If a thousand monkeys sat at a thousand typewriters for a thousand years, I don’t think they could ever come up with that sentence.
By Dave S., June 25, 2008 @ 9:31 am

Not that anyone would want to actually *handle* that penis…
By ExAstrisScientia, June 25, 2008 @ 9:52 am

OMG sounds like the type of penis I would just throw over my shoulder and burp.

Anyway!!!!!!

The pic of you on the floor is great, who gave you direction on that pose?
By Avitable, June 25, 2008 @ 9:52 am

That is a great sentence, and Dave S., I don’t know. I think being able to drape it over your shoulder and swing it around like a whip has its benefits.
By Avitable, June 25, 2008 @ 9:53 am

Oh, and I’m testing Craig’s cool new subscribe to comments feature. Woohoo!
By Craig, June 25, 2008 @ 9:55 am

Let me know if it works Avitable! The subscribe to comments feature, not the penis. I’m sure the penis works.

If anyone wants to get email alerts when follow-up comments are made, check the box before you submit your comment. It’s perfect for staying a part of the conversation!
By Avitable, June 25, 2008 @ 10:09 am

Nope, it’s not working. I haven’t gotten this comment in my email yet, and it’s been 10 minutes.
By Craig, June 25, 2008 @ 10:17 am

Dang. That’s annoying. I will investigate!

Can someone else try it and let me know if it works for them?
By Dave S., June 25, 2008 @ 10:38 am

Or you can just be a dork like me and just keep hitting the refresh button…
By Mark, June 25, 2008 @ 10:44 am

Dork’s still use vcr’s Dave. By the way this is a test.
By ExAstrisScientia, June 25, 2008 @ 10:46 am

I will try and see
By Dave S., June 25, 2008 @ 10:50 am

Does a VCR/DVD combo count?
By Mark, June 25, 2008 @ 10:51 am

ExAstrisScientia posted 5 minutes ago and i got nothing. How long should the delay be?
By Craig, June 25, 2008 @ 10:52 am

Not that long. It appears not to be working.
By ExAstrisScientia, June 25, 2008 @ 10:53 am

I got nothing either, I fell like Charlie Brown on Halloween
By Dave S., June 25, 2008 @ 10:56 am

I’m giving it a shot too.
By ExAstrisScientia, June 25, 2008 @ 10:57 am

of course I meant feel not fell, sorry I have been very sick all week
By Mark, June 25, 2008 @ 10:57 am

10 minutes and nothing.

And Dave, as long as you stand there and look pretty, anything counts
By Craig, June 25, 2008 @ 10:59 am

I changed the location of the form in the code. I think it might be working now. At least for the people who subscribed after I changed it.
By Dave S., June 25, 2008 @ 11:01 am

Bingo. It’s working.
By ExAstrisScientia, June 25, 2008 @ 11:02 am

yes it works now my, inbox just filled up with Puntabulous
By Mark, June 25, 2008 @ 11:03 am

Let me try somebody say sumtin
By Craig, June 25, 2008 @ 11:03 am

Woo hoo! Okay, glad it’s working.

Now let’s get back on topic and discuss the awesomeness of these cookies.
By Dave S., June 25, 2008 @ 11:04 am

sumtin.
By Mark, June 25, 2008 @ 11:05 am

Cool, It works, love it!
By Dave S., June 25, 2008 @ 11:05 am

So, Craig, what did the cookie scrumptiousness taste like?
By Avitable, June 25, 2008 @ 11:08 am

I’ll try it again here.
By ExAstrisScientia, June 25, 2008 @ 11:11 am

of course now I will have to bake an Evil Bunny cake
By Dave S., June 25, 2008 @ 11:19 am

I suddenly see an exhorbitant number of FedExed baked goods in your future, Craig…
By ExAstrisScientia, June 25, 2008 @ 11:24 am

A cake of Evil Bunny magnitude could never be trusted to a delivery service, that is a hand deliver item
By polt, June 25, 2008 @ 11:50 am

“my inbox just filled up with Puntabulous” – Ya know, I had a dream JUST like that the other day!

And Dave S., I don’t know if it makes me a dork or not, but I’ve got the VCR/DVD combo as well…but when you have as much pre-DVD porn as I do, well, dorky or not, it’s a necessity.

HUGS…
By Hayden, June 25, 2008 @ 11:59 am

Hayden just want to say hi to all the suckers that signed up to receive every e-mail that Craig gets..
By ExAstrisScientia, June 25, 2008 @ 12:05 pm

lol Polt, I had that dream last week, I was thinking of starting my own blog and using that as my first post
By Dave S., June 25, 2008 @ 12:07 pm

Polt: I’ve been told that I’m odd because I own no porn whatsoever and I don’t even have any on my computer. Is that weird to the rest of the world?

Wait, we’re supposed to be talking about cookies…
By Jere, June 25, 2008 @ 12:13 pm

just remember, if the effects of eating Super Viagra last for more than 4 hours, seek medical attention.

Dave S: Yes, very weird. Go download a clip of Pamela and Tommy right now so that you aren’t a total pariah.
By john, June 25, 2008 @ 12:33 pm

Is anyone else dizzy from reading these comments?

Porn! Penises! Cookies! Oh My!
By phineas57, June 25, 2008 @ 12:36 pm

Hmm, those cookies aren’t going to help eliminate the “secretary’s spread…”

I’m just saying…
By Joe, June 25, 2008 @ 12:58 pm

So I was just scrolling down to post a comment about how adorable those cookies were and as i was rapidly scrolling to the bottom I thought I saw something about subscribing to penises?

yes please.
By Sue, June 25, 2008 @ 1:10 pm

Now that Craig has his subscribe to comments feature up and running, I think we will notice a sudden drop in work productivity all across the US.
By Dave S., June 25, 2008 @ 1:25 pm

True, Sue, but morale will be at an all-time high.
By polt, June 25, 2008 @ 1:41 pm

Dave S., I think it is a little weird that you own no porn whatsoever…not even a Playboy hiding in the back of the closet.

And just so I stay on topic, anyone ever seen a penis shapen cookie?

HUGS…
By lisalips, June 25, 2008 @ 1:42 pm

phineas57, there is nothing more that I like than a “secretary’s spread”, but i do believe that we are talking about different things….
By Nicky, June 25, 2008 @ 1:43 pm

Wow! I just noticed the relationship between Avitable’s big penis and the NAME of this post!
By john, June 25, 2008 @ 1:48 pm

Sue: I know I’ve welcomed the distraction today.

Dave S.: My initial though was that it seemed strange, but I had two follow up questions (to which I am not expecting an answer): is it that you watch, but don’t own? and or is it that the side effect of no unsightly flatness that the ladies are lined up and you don’t “need” porn.

If it is the second, I’m not sure I want you to answer.

Polt: I am sad to say, I have seen a penis shaped cookie. But I neither made or eated it.
By ExAstrisScientia, June 25, 2008 @ 1:57 pm

well since we are heading in that direction I believe that this post should reach 100 comments

and I have eaten a penis-shaped cookie and was dissapointed at the lack of “cream filling”

woo-hoo I just grossed out all the straight guys
By lisalips, June 25, 2008 @ 1:58 pm

Based on the dave s pictures that were once posted on puntabulous i think the reason he has no porn is because he stars in it. He doesn’t like to take his job home with him….I like the lips south of the border so I’m not sure if he belongs in teh porn industry, any thoughts puntabulous fans?
By Craig, June 25, 2008 @ 2:12 pm

Dave S: Yes, you are crazy for not having porn, although I like lisalips idea. I’m sure Polt does too.
By Dave S., June 25, 2008 @ 2:13 pm

ExAstrisScientia: Yes. Yes, you did.
By polt, June 25, 2008 @ 2:23 pm

“woo-hoo I just grossed out all the straight guys” And aroused all us queerbois.

And after having spoken with Dave S., I truly don’t think he does porn…but with his abs, it’s truly a shame he doesn’t.

HUGS… (how close to 100 comments ARE we anyway?)
By Dave S., June 25, 2008 @ 2:26 pm

Hmm. Dave as porn star… Considering I’ve only ever had sex with one person in my life, I somehow don’t think I’d be all that entertaining…

And cookies — we’re supposed to be talking about cookies. Porn cookies. That get emailed to you. By a penis.

Or something like that…
By Craig, June 25, 2008 @ 2:36 pm

Dave S: You are such a good boy.

Polt: Why don’t you have an Avatar? Get one!

Nicky: How come your’s still doesn’t show up?
By john, June 25, 2008 @ 2:42 pm

WOW! This post could have been a Teach Me Something Tuesday because boy (or is that boi now?) am I learning stuff today.
By Dave S., June 25, 2008 @ 2:53 pm

So what’s the difference between boi and boy?

And that icing sure looks tasty! (trying to keep it about cookies…)
By Craig, June 25, 2008 @ 2:56 pm

What icing?
By ExAstrisScientia, June 25, 2008 @ 2:59 pm

Polt it has been a long time since I aroused a whole group of “queerbois”
By Dave S., June 25, 2008 @ 3:02 pm

Hey, there’s icing on there! Holding the eyes on. And the mouth.

Okay okay…I admit I didn’t review the images before posting that. But, hey, it’s a lot of effort to scroll up past *70* comments…
By ExAstrisScientia, June 25, 2008 @ 3:07 pm

as I recall a boy is a young man and a boi is a young gay man in search of a daddy
By Ryan R., June 25, 2008 @ 3:07 pm

Are you sure Captain Flaccid hasn’t invented some sort of cookifying ray?
By john, June 25, 2008 @ 3:08 pm

The word Cookie comes from the Dutch word koekje or (informal) koekie which means little cake (from Wikipedia and Good Eats (yay Alton Brown)).

I have also heard cookie is slang for the female genitalia.
By ExAstrisScientia, June 25, 2008 @ 3:08 pm

and I give up on getting my f*cking Avatar to work here
By Dave S., June 25, 2008 @ 3:11 pm

John: Yes, “cookie” is indeed slang for vagina. Which makes it even more appropriate that our little Valerie Vase was made into one.
By ExAstrisScientia, June 25, 2008 @ 3:34 pm

I will NEVER think of a vag as a cookie!
By Dave S., June 25, 2008 @ 3:47 pm

Gives a whole new meaning to the Puntabulous Cookie/Brownie debate…
By polt, June 25, 2008 @ 3:53 pm

I can’t seem to get an avatar to work….

And yes, I suppose that fact, moreso than owning a VCR/DVD, makes me a dork.

HUGS….
By john, June 25, 2008 @ 3:56 pm

Cookies are awesome.

Dave S.: is there another meaning to Brownie that I don’t know?

(I think this makes 81! 19 more to go)
By ExAstrisScientia, June 25, 2008 @ 4:09 pm

Please do not reveal another meaning for Brownies!!!!

I will not have all my snack items ruined in one day!
By Hayden, June 25, 2008 @ 4:19 pm

I keep brownies locked up in my basement. They don’t scream as loud as those girl scouts that “sell” cookies every spring. Luckily some of those girls are selling alot more than cookies…
By TwoPi, June 25, 2008 @ 4:44 pm

Craig: I’m thrilled that the cookies arrived safely and that you enjoyed them. I’ll confess to playing a very minimal role in their creation (shopping for ingredients with an eye toward decoration). Îž_Heather and the Big G did all the real work on this one.

I’m working on a tamale design just in case Charo eventually joins the Flaccettes.
By ExAstrisScientia, June 25, 2008 @ 4:52 pm

I imagine that once revealed, Captain Flaccid’s cookie will have to be of the “soft-baked” variety
By Îž_Heather, June 25, 2008 @ 5:24 pm

Glad that they arrived safe and sound. And that Argyle made an appearance!

Sue, I’m pretty sure that Martha Stewart wouldn’t have a lime-green radiator under that cover. And she probably would have put away the watering can that was last used to add water to the
Christmas tree stand.
By Dee Loralei, June 25, 2008 @ 8:19 pm

Those cookies are just too cute. And I’m with whoever said above that I figured Vagina Girl would be the one to make you sick. And I kept waiting for you to quip about this being the first time you ever ate a girl or a vagina.

And evil bunny would be adorable in cake. It would be pretty easy to do. And i have a great recipe for layered brownies you could use to make Viagra Boy and Vagina Girl brownies.
By Dee Loralei, June 25, 2008 @ 8:21 pm

Oh and kudos to Heather and TwoPi for being so creative. Y’all did a great job.
By ExAstrisScientia, June 25, 2008 @ 8:30 pm

Evil Bunny cake would have to have the red cake on the inside like the groom’s cake on Steel Magnolias
By Dave S., June 25, 2008 @ 9:27 pm

90 comments so far! Only 10 more to go! C’mon guys, we can pull together! Yeah! We can get the gang together and put on a show in the old barn! Gee, that’ll help little Jimmy’s family pay his doctor bills! Golly, that would be great!

Oh, wait, I think that was something different…
By Ryan R., June 25, 2008 @ 9:29 pm

The idea of Craig eating Vagina Girl cookies reminded me of a scene towards the end of Eating Out 2.
By ExAstrisScientia, June 25, 2008 @ 9:49 pm

Dave S. I am so glad you are behind the 100 comment goal.

You’re ok, for a straight guy.
By Dave S., June 25, 2008 @ 9:54 pm

Umm…thanks?
By john, June 25, 2008 @ 10:22 pm

“Evil Bunny cake would have to have the red cake on the inside like the groomâ€™s cake on Steel Magnolias”

“That’s no cake. That’s an autopsy.”
By Nicky, June 26, 2008 @ 2:15 am

I don’t know why mine doesn’t show up
: (
Cause my ugliness breaks the application. lol
By Ryan, June 26, 2008 @ 3:50 am

Those Godzilla baking shots made me snort Diet Pepsi out of my nose. I’m not joking. You gotta have, like, a warning posted. Or something. That was TOO funny.
By ExAstrisScientia, June 26, 2008 @ 6:45 am

I think I have the same problem Nicky
By Craig, June 26, 2008 @ 7:05 am

ExAstrisScientia and Nicky: I see both of your avatars in my admin page. Do you have your avatars set up in both gravatar.com and mybloglog.com?
By ExAstrisScientia, June 26, 2008 @ 7:15 am

Yes I do, my avatar shows up on Mike’s blog
By ExAstrisScientia, June 26, 2008 @ 7:19 am

And by the way guys,

100!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
By Craig, June 26, 2008 @ 7:25 am

Good work team! No place to go but down!
By ExAstrisScientia, June 26, 2008 @ 7:28 am

well I won’t speak for everyone, but I enjoy going down every once in a while
By Craig, June 26, 2008 @ 7:29 am

Surely Dave S will have something to say to that.
By Amy @ Milk Breath & Margaritas, June 26, 2008 @ 10:52 am

The cookies are adorable. But the post title is cruelly misleading…
By Dave S., June 26, 2008 @ 4:50 pm

Hey! That’s great that we hit 100!

Now get the hell over to today’s post — we’re falling behind, boys and girls.

(And I’d comment on going down, Craig, but I can’t think of a way to do it for a family audience…)
By Mark, June 26, 2008 @ 6:31 pm

Ahhhh, looks like you need to get your gorgeous ass over to todays post. By the way, did I mention that your ass is perfection personified? Anywho, Only one person??? Really!!!
By RcktMan, June 26, 2008 @ 10:30 pm

Good lord! 100 comments about cookies! You are too much. LOL

Those cookies are adorable. Have you finished eating them yet? I’ve got a hankerin’ for a little vagina right about now.

Yes, I said that.