Jun
27
After viewing my 1000th video post, Steven commented that I sound like Lauren Bacall. Not knowing who this person was, I had to do some investigation to see if the allegations were true. I found this clip from the 1973 TV movie musical called Applause. I can’t say for sure if we sound alike, but I can tell you that she is my new hero. Look at the way those gays throw her around at the end! And those legs!
Okay, here is a clip of her talking. It’s this awesomely cheesy coffee commercial. Again, I’m not sure if her voice is like mine, so I’ll leave that up to you to judge. But watching this clip is worth it, just for the “Mmmmmm” she gives towards the end. She sounds like the pedophile Herbert from Family Guy!
And for those of you who are completely uninterested in me and/or Lauren Bacall, I give you this:
June 27th, 2008 at 7:24 am
When I heard the Lauren Bacall comparison I didn’t think it was right. Her voice is deeper.
June 27th, 2008 at 7:28 am
Holy hell, where’d does that first clip come from? That was cheesy-awful.
But the coffee commercial is awesome. I actually remember seeing that as a kid. They played it all the time (just like the oft-played “How do you get your shirts so clean, Mr. Lee?” “Ancient Chinese secret…”).
And how the heck have you gotten through life not knowing who Lauren Bacall is?!
June 27th, 2008 at 7:50 am
I read Snuff by Chuck Palahniuk, and it mentions a lot of the secrets old Hollywood actresses used to look so perfect. Like Marilyn Monroe bathing in ice before appearing in public, so her skin would glow or something.
Now, I’m fair sure it says that to get her voice like that, Lauren Bacall either drank a mixture of water and crushed egg shells, or got a… sore throat of some kind (the name of the particular illness escapes me now), and yelled a lot to scar her vocal cords.
Both methods are mentioned, I just can’t remember which one she used.
June 27th, 2008 at 7:53 am
my guess would be a method that stretched the throat, now I wonder how that can be done, any thoughts Craig?
June 27th, 2008 at 8:05 am
Juliana Hatfield started smoking specifically to damage her vocal chords. She wanted to get rid of her “little girl” voice that she had always hated (even though it helped her sell millions of records…).
June 27th, 2008 at 8:17 am
Oh. Dear. God.
You know I didn’t mean that to be an insult, right? I think smokey voices are hot
June 27th, 2008 at 8:55 am
They play that clip from Applause at Musical Mondays at Splash Bar. I love the swing.
I too remember that coffee commercial. “It’s De-CAF-inated!”
Not knowing who Lauren Bacall is? That’s a major sin, but I’m willing to forgive. Maybe I should start recommending some classic movies for you to watch so you won’t have so many blind spots in your cultural education. For Bacall: Try “How to Marry a Millionaire,” “Key Largo” and “Murder on the Orient Express” which is a crash course in almost too many movie star greats.
June 27th, 2008 at 9:07 am
She sounds just like you; if you had smoked 2 packs a day for 20 years
June 27th, 2008 at 9:15 am
I think Craig sounds nicer, his voice is smoother and not so harsh. And that last vid? Well, lets just say I won’t be showing that to my teen or I might just be getting calls from the mall that she’s with security. Weirdest thing I’ve seen in a while (in a non-X-rated kind of way).
June 27th, 2008 at 9:16 am
My friends and I used to do that on the escalators at the mall in ohio. You have to have a butt to do it. That was before mine developed so I’d always get stuck and up bruised and friction burned on my ass.
:::insert gay joke here:::::
June 27th, 2008 at 9:42 am
Craig: I can hear why people make the comparison; your voices have a similar quality to them, but I don’t think she is your sound alike. Now onto the bigger issue: you didn’t know who Lauren Bacall was? Did you crawl out from behind that rock or from under it?
Dave S.: Ancient Chinese secret! I loved that commercial. I’m assuming we are of similar age and that you will remember “Calgon, take me away”, “I can bring home the bacon, fry it up in a pan..” all of which were on while watching “Mr. Eddy’s father”.
As for the last video, I now have Spin Spin Sugar running through my head.
June 27th, 2008 at 9:43 am
I can’t believe you didn’t know who Lauren Bacall is. Thanks a lot for making me feel old this morning, Craig.
Lauren made a lot of money on voice-over work throughout her career, and I think she still does-listen closely to your commercials! Smoking pays, kids.
June 27th, 2008 at 10:06 am
“How do you get your shirts so clean, Mr. Lee?”
“Ancient Chinese secret.”
“My husband. Some hotshot. Here’s his ‘ancient Chinese secret’ — Calgon. Calgon’s two water softeners soften washwater so detergents clean better. We need more Calgon!”
“Ancient Chinese secret, huh…?”
June 27th, 2008 at 10:06 am
I think she is the spokes person for Tuesday Morning. It appears to be a store that sells over stock items.
June 27th, 2008 at 10:10 am
Yes, that was by heart.
And I’m a dork for having kept that in my head all these years.
John: Yeah, I definitely remember those commercials! Hilarious how much they’re stuck in our subconcious.
June 27th, 2008 at 10:16 am
That comparison is hilarious! You can always do Lauren Bacall in drag for Halloween.
June 27th, 2008 at 10:32 am
Dave S: Wow, that was amazing. Words I haven’t heard for years quoted exactly. Remind me never to play Trivial Pursuit with you.
June 27th, 2008 at 10:49 am
D’oh! I just realized I missed a line in there. That third line should include:
“…Calgon’s two water softeners soften washwater so detergents clean better. Even in the hardest water, Calgon gets clothes up to 30% cleaner! We need more Calgon!”
I mean, it’s just not the same without knowing that your finest argyle can be 30% brighter.
And, Mark, I’m horrible at Trivial Pursuit.
June 27th, 2008 at 11:05 am
My memory only goes back to the Palmolive commercials, “You’re soaking in it now” LOL
Sorry Craig, I’m off topic. You can spank me now.
“Thank you Sir; may I have another”
June 27th, 2008 at 11:31 am
Mark: Wasn’t the manicurist’s name Madge? As a little kid I didn’t know what a manicurist did, so those commercials went totally went over my head.
How about this one: Mr. Whipple.
June 27th, 2008 at 11:47 am
OMG yeah it was Madge, I totally forgot that. I can picture her face now. And yeah Mr. Whipple “Please don’t squeeze the Charmin”.
June 27th, 2008 at 12:04 pm
Hmm, I think I’ll have to do a side-by-side comparison between Craig, Lauren and Herbert the pedophile.
June 27th, 2008 at 12:13 pm
Craig has a voice you would love to have whisper in your ear. Lauren doesn’t, and Herbert Definitely doesn’t. There is no comparison to Craig from anybody!
June 27th, 2008 at 12:17 pm
We just need more Craig videos
June 27th, 2008 at 12:40 pm
How about Cora the Maxwell house lady; her broom and hat were left in Oz.
Dave S.: Wow, that is some good recall or over brain washing. I forgot Calgon made laundry soap and bath soap.
My favorite Herbert line: “You don’t want to pull a tasty ham string.”
Poor Mr. Whipple, didn’t he pass away only a year or so ago?
June 27th, 2008 at 12:48 pm
Yup. Mr. Whipple died last year.
That was the longest running commercial campaign in TV history — they were still doing them in the early 2000’s.
And what about that Juan Valdez guy with the donkey? I think he was used to promote South American coffee or something. He kinda creeped me out as a kid.
June 27th, 2008 at 2:04 pm
Dave S. and John:
You guys are taking me back. Ancient Chinese Secret, the Enjoli ad… To this day the Almond Joy/Mounds “sometimes you feel like a nut” jingle goes through my head. I, too watched Mr. Eddy’s father, along with Zoom, Krofft Superstars, Battle of the Network Stars, etc. Ahhh, memories (sips from can of Ensure).
Craig - you just put your lips together and… blow.
June 27th, 2008 at 2:26 pm
Sometimes you feel like a nut
Sometimes you don’t
Almond Joy’s got nuts.
Mounds don’t.
Almond Joy’s got rich milk chocolate, coconut and munchy nuts, too.
Mounds got deep dark chocolate and chewy coconut (ooo)
Because…
Sometime you feel like a nut
Sometimes you don’t
Wow. *That* takes me back. Awesome reminder, Michelle M.!
And I was *so* into the Krofft Superstars. Wonderbug. Ark II. The Lost Saucer. Man, haven’t thought about that stuff in forever.
June 27th, 2008 at 2:37 pm
This must be nostalgia day on Puntabulous. I’ll be really impressed if anyone can remember the lyrics to the ‘Time for Timer’ breakfast song.
And Craig, I don’t think you sound much like Lauren Bacall, but better her than Eddie Deezen.
“You, all right? I learned it by watching you!”
June 27th, 2008 at 2:41 pm
Dave S.: Tell me you watched Starblazers.
Michelle M.: I often sing the Almond Joy/Mounds theme. I have also been known to say someone has gotten their chocolate in my peanut butter when I find someone’s printing mixed in with mine.
And let’s not forget Geoffrey Holder int he 7 up commercials “MARvelous! AH-ha-ha-ha-ha”
June 27th, 2008 at 2:54 pm
John: Hell, yeah, I watched Starblazers! Totally forgot about that series. Now, I gotta check and see if it’s out on DVD.
And I’ll have to remember that chocolate/peanut butter comment next time I’m fumbling through printer output. That’s hilarious.
June 27th, 2008 at 3:38 pm
Fdot: Oh god - Timer. He was always hankering for a hunk of cheese or having a fun time making sunshine on a stick.
john, I do the chocolate/peanut butter thing too.
Don’t even get me started on Schoolhouse Rock.
June 27th, 2008 at 3:54 pm
Oh snap! Timer! I don’t remember breakfast but I remember the cheese song:
Do you ever get that hungry feeling after school? Boy I do! Why, I’m so hungry, I could eat a wagon wheel.
When I’m slow on the draw and I need something to chaw,
I hanker for a hunk of cheese.
When my 10 gallon hat’s a feeling 5 gallons flat,
I got something planwiches, little cheese sandwiches
C’mon (insert cheese sandwich recipe here)
When my get up and go has got up and went
I hanker for a hunk of cheese.
When I’m dancing a ho-down and my boots kind of slow down
Or any time I’m weak in the knees,
I hanker for a hunk of, a slab or slice or chunk of
A snack that is a winner, and yet won’t spoil my dinner
I hanker for a hunk of cheese! Ya-hoo!
Fdot: You brought it up, Interplanet Janet was an awesome School House Rock! I also loved the Verb one and Noun one.
Dave S.: I’m not sure they are out on DVD, but I *ahem* “acquired” fan subs of the first two seasons that are really good.
June 27th, 2008 at 3:56 pm
Oh and Michelle: I always knew I liked you.
And whoops, Fdot, you didn’t bring up School House Rock (more evidence for liking her).
June 27th, 2008 at 5:48 pm
Awww, I like you too, john. Thank God for Schoolhouse Rock - it’s how I learned the preamble.
Back to you Craig - I find your voice to be quite virile and dulcet in tone.
Now I must put on my roller skates and dig out my K-tel records.
June 27th, 2008 at 6:05 pm
No john, I didn’t bring up Schoolhouse Rock, but I’d be happy to sing “Interjections” if you’d like.
June 27th, 2008 at 6:20 pm
Speaking of wagon wheels (which you were only doing in a totally unrelated way), when I was a kid my friend Carla could put a whole wagon wheel in her mouth. (the chocolate covered cookie/marshmallow thing, not the covered wagon thing). I bought some for my daughter recently and either my perception is totally screwed or they’ve shrunk them becuse a 3 year old could put a whole wagon wheel in their mouth now. I used to be so dazzled by her talent. Likely so were the boys in highschool.
Thanks for the trip down memory lane. I’d forgotten the ancient Chinese secret.
June 27th, 2008 at 6:28 pm
Fdot: Well, they do show emotions…
June 27th, 2008 at 6:40 pm
I’ve been loving this trip down memory lane today, guys. I’m going to head to Best Buy and see if I can track down Starblazers. I also have a hankerin’ to bust out YouTube and check out some old school advertising.
June 27th, 2008 at 7:18 pm
Hey folks. Sorry I’ve been scarce today. I’ll be attending to some family things the next few days. Keep going without me!
June 27th, 2008 at 7:48 pm
And you are…?
June 27th, 2008 at 8:26 pm
john: they also show excitement and are generally set apart from a sentence by an exclamation point or by a comma if the feeling’s not as strong.
June 27th, 2008 at 9:05 pm
Fdot: You mean like when I’m happy! Or sad! Or Mad! RATS!?
June 27th, 2008 at 9:34 pm
Craiggers, how could you NOT know who Lauren Bacall is????
But what I’m more interested in now is a video of either Ms. Bacall, or YOU, doing that escalator thingee!!!
HUGS…
June 27th, 2008 at 11:50 pm
Oh, your voice is SO like hers. If you don’t think so, you’re in denial honey!
June 28th, 2008 at 7:19 am
Lauren Bacall is way off. Craig’s voice twin is Ernie from Sesame Street. Here’s the proof:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YWqCReOXjZM
Craig, I also make a request that you make a recreation of this video.
June 28th, 2008 at 12:59 pm
You’re right. Ernie is a closer match.
June 28th, 2008 at 1:29 pm
I am way too be old to be reading this blog if the author doesn’t know who Lauren Bacall is.
June 28th, 2008 at 1:50 pm
I just hope he knows who Ernie is
June 28th, 2008 at 2:55 pm
Lauren Bacall made her film debut in “To Have and Have Not” in 1944 opposite Humphrey Bogart (I hope you all have heard of him). During the filming, she and Bogie fell in love, despite his already being married to some old moneybags. At the time, Bogie was 45, Bacall was a teenager. They married and appeared in many films together until his death in 1957. She is the mother of his only children. She was later married to (and divorced from) Jason Robards, Jr.
She appeared in many films and plays during the 60s, 70s and 80s. Her most recent high-profile appearance was “The Mirror Has Two Faces,” in which she played Barbra Streisand’s mother. She got an Oscar nomination for that (she didn’t deserve it).
I’m such an old fogey that I saw her on Broadway in “Applause” when I was 12 or 13. It was a lousy musical based upon the Bette Davis movie “All About Eve.”
If you ever want to know what the term “self-obsessed” means, read Ms. Bacall’s autobiography. My favorite part is when the Paris student riots of 1968 disrupt her shopping.
June 28th, 2008 at 6:00 pm
Didn’t Lauren Bacall also play Paul Sheldon’s editor in Stephen King’s “Misery”?
June 28th, 2008 at 11:21 pm
Dave S. must really have a lot of spare time to be able to comment on your blog this much Craig. I want his job!
June 29th, 2008 at 10:59 pm
You must be very flattered.