And the winner of the foot competition is:
LETTER E!
Which belong to my sister Amanda:
Please note the rainbow ankle bracelet, which she referred to as the olive branch, a token of forgiveness to all the gay men who voted for Letter C. She hopes in the future, you can be a bit more open minded and show her some support in future competitions.
Oh Battlestar Galactica! Why must you always make us suffer through your mid-season breaks?!
Let’s discuss in the comment section, shall we?
Netflix #29 - Heathers - Suggested by Brett, Dave S., FDot, Mike, and Booboo1
Okay, I don’t blame you people for suggesting it. I’ve heard so many good things about this movie through the years, but just never got around to seeing it for myself. So when a few of you recommended it, I was glad I finally had an excuse to watch it. But, ugh, seriously? What was with this movie? I think I was supposed to watch it while I was still in high school and angsty (although I was never all that angsty, which also explains my hatred of Donnie Darko). The whole movie was horrible people doing horrible things to each other, which is exactly what I said in my review of Crash. And don’t even get me started on Christian Slater. What was with that Jack Nicholson impression he was doing throughout the movie? Is that seriously his voice? Who does he think he’s kidding? There were definitely some funny moments that I appreciated, but overall I was let down.
Netflix #30 - The Savages - Suggested by no one
I loved this movie. If you’re not familiar with it, it’s about a brother and sister played by Laura Linney and Philip Seymour Hoffman dealing with their ailing father who is suffering from dementia. Having lived through my grandmother’s prolonged decline while suffering with dementia, I was really able to relate to the varying emotions you feel while interacting with someone suffering from the condition ranging from confusion, sadness, desperation, and a million others. It was a very realistic portrayal, but it also handled it with a great sense of humor that kept you happy throughout. Laura Linney was incredible, and while I’m not crazy about Philip Seymour Hoffman, I guess he was okay too. I definitely recommend this one!
Sex and the City
Yes, yes, I saw this movie. Laugh it up. Me, my sister, and her friends had a girls night out with dinner and a movie. Now I know it’s cool to hate on Sex and the City lately, but I totally loved this movie. And what’s all this talk about the women being whores? There was hardly any sex in it! And if there was, it was with their husbands/boyfriends! Oh the scandal! I thought the movie was on par with the television show with its brilliant blend of drama and comedy. Poughkeepsie’d! And Jennifer Hudson was totally adorable as a new addition. On a semi-related note, did I ever tell you that Mario Catone threw a Burger King bun at my head? Well he did. He played Samuel Byck, the man who attempted to assassinate President Nixon, in the Broadway show Assassins (with Neil Patrick Harris!) and my friend’s friend got us free tickets so they were really close, but kinda off to the side. So when Mario had his big dramatic scene involving a Santa Claus suit and a Burger King burger, he threw the wrapped bun (there was no burger inside) off the stage and hit me on the head. True story.
Keep your recommendations coming!
We interupt our regularly scheduled lunacy for some other complete lunacy. My sister and her friends always compete with each other over who has the nicest feet. When she told me this, I told her that my friend from work is always talking about how cute she thinks her feet are. So I offered up my huge audience to finally settle this debate. I leave it up to you, dear readers: Below there are anonymous pictures of my sister’s, three of her friends’, and my friend’s feet. Who has the nicest? Leave your pick in the comment section, and feel free to elaborate on why you made your choice.
UPDATE: The feet have been moved to a safer place after the jump to get them off my front page. You can still vote though! I’ll announce the winner this weekend.
SELKIES
Selkies are magical creatures from Irish and Scottish mythology. The word selkie stems from the word selch, which is a Scottish word for seal. The myth of the Selkie originated in the Orkney Islands, a cluster of islands off the Northern coast of Scotland, which are inhabited by seals. You see, Selkies are seals that can shed their skins and turn into beautiful men and women.
Like any good myth, there’s a heavy dose of misogyny. Selkie men are rugged and beautiful, and human woman can’t help but fall in love with them and cheat on their husbands with them. What is with women? Why can’t they just keep it in their pants? It’s the same old story. Boy meets Girl. Boy marries Girl. Girl cheats on Boy with Seal. Women!
On the other hand, Selkie women, while also beautiful, are the victims of human men and the danger that lurks in their loins. Because if a man steals the skin of a Selkie woman while she’s in her human form, she has to marry him. Many Selkie stories involve the husband hiding the Selkie skin so she can’t change back to her seal form and return to the sea. Eventually she bears his children (what’s a myth without rape?) and it’s usually the children who find the Selkie skin hidden away. After a rousing ballad of “Fuck this Shit” the Selkie woman takes back her skin, changes into her seal form, and returns to sea.
But all is not lost! The folktales often end with the Selkie woman returning to the shore to play with her children in the waves. However, the folktales leave out the part where the human male becomes an abusive drunk and beats his kids because they remind him of the Selkie wife who left him, and he still can’t believe he fucked a seal. But don’t worry kids! Mom will come play with you once in a while. You know, until she marries another Selkie, has normal Selkie children instead of filthy half-breeds, and doesn’t love you anymore.
NOW TELL ME SOMETHING I DON’T KNOW.
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Here’s hoping that tonight’s episode is better than last week!
Let’s discuss Battlestar Galactica in the comment section, shall we?
Yesterday’s post, and then Jere’s comment about hobbits reminded me about a short story I wrote in college. It was my last semester and I was taking a Literature class called Fantasy and Folklore. The required reading for the class was The Hobbit, The Lord of the Rings, and The Chronicles of Narnia. Our final project was to write a short story that took place in either the realm of Middle Earth or Narnia. I chose to write a story taking place in Middle Earth called The Search for the Entwives. If you’re familiar with the books, you’ll know the tragic story of how the Ents lost their Entwives. It was one of my favorite tales from the books, so I wanted to complete the story. At the time I was writing mostly screenplays (I have 4 complete screenplays if any of you big Hollywood producers want to buy one!) so I didn’t have much experience writing in standard prose, so you’ll have to excuse the poor writing style. But if you’re interested, it’s after the break. It’s twelve double-spaced pages long in Microsoft Word, so proceed with caution!
It’s fun to go through the files on my computer and find pictures that I made but never turned them into actual posts. Some characters take off, like Super Viagra, Vagina Girl, and Evil Bunny. Even the Judgemental Sun used to make appearances here and there and here and there again. Others don’t even make it out of the gate, like the Weeping Willow, which was created on August 22, 2007 and never saw the light of day. I don’t know what the heck I was thinking with this creation. Perhaps it was my answer to SNL’s Debbie Downer? But how would this even turn into a regular feature? It’s positively mind boggling. Oddly enough, when the Weeping Willow was deemed unfunny, you got a different tree post that day. And for some reason I thought that was somehow funnier?
So I’ll leave it up to you dear reader: In twenty words or less, tell me why this Weeping Willow is so sad. Perhaps with a little teamwork we can dust off the tragic story of the Weeping Willow and introduce another character to the Puntabulous menagerie.
I was out doing yard work. I hate yard work but it was a few years from now and I’m a homeowner so I had to start doing stuff I hate. I hate getting dirty and bugs petrify me. My parents always wondered how I was going to be a brilliant paleontologist discovering the first infant Tyrannosaurus Rex skeleton if I was afraid of bugs, but that’s a different story.
After about five minutes of working aimlessly in the dirt I lose interest. I lay back in the grass and stare up into the sky and a thought occurs to me. I pull my cell phone out and dial the house phone. He answers and asks where I am. I tell him I’m in the back yard and to meet me there in five minutes with two large glasses of my mom’s homemade iced tea, which I made yesterday. It isn’t as good as she makes it, but like my attempt at yard work, it was worth a shot. He sighs exasperatedly, calls me lazy, and hangs up.
He meets me out there four minutes later with two cold glasses of iced tea and we lay in the grass talking about the vast importance of nothing. And then I wake up.
It was a nice dream.
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