Puntabulous

You might have gotten a new Adventure of Super Viagra and Vagina Girl today, but we finally found Wii Fit and Mario Kart (after they’ve been sold out for weeks) and my weekend was pretty much spent in front of the TV. And before you yell at me for spending too much time in front of the TV, let me tell you that I’ve been working my booty off on the dang Wii Fit. It’s quite a work out! My Wii Fit age starting off was 39. THIRTY NINE! Let’s see if I can get that down, shall we?

And just when I thought nothing could be more fun that Super Mario Galaxy (except the swimming boards, oh why must they have swimming boards?!) along came Super Mario Kart. Oh the joys! When are we gonna have our Mario Kart Blogger Tournament? I will kick all your asses!

Okay fine, I didn’t spend all my time in front of the television this weekend. At one point I left the comfort of my home and sat in front of a really BIG television in the comfort of a movie theater to see The Dark Knight. It was amazing. I went into the theater thinking that my expectations would not be met, with all the hoopla over the past few weeks. But they were definitely met. Heath Ledger is every bit as awesome and crazy as everyone says. I was also worried that he wouldn’t have the sense of “fun” that we’ve had from previous incarnations. But even though he’s a million times scarier than all our previous Jokers, he still retained a portion of twisted whimsy that made him the Joker. My only minor complaints (I wouldn’t be a fanboy if I didn’t have complaints) are that the story as a whole was a bit jumbled, jumping from here to there, sometimes seeming to lack focus, and a lot of the action scenes were too dark, so it was difficult to see what was happening. An even minorer (that should totally be a word) complaint is that the Gotham of this movie didn’t match the Gotham of the previous movie. As I was watching I kept thinking to myself: “That’s not Gotham!” But whatever, it just took me out of the movie a bit. Other than that, it was incredible.

I also watched The Misadventures of Adam and Burt (Netflix #37). It was good silly fun starring the Mayor of Quahog. I was hoping for more clips of the 60’s Batman show, but it turned out to be a mix of present day Adam West and Burt Ward trying to find the stolen Batmobile, with flashbacks to the making of the show starring a separate cast of characters playing younger versions of the show’s cast. It was silly and ocassionally lame, but overall an enjoyable hour and a half, even if just for the nostalgia factor.

Oh, and I watched two more episodes of Babylon 5. Seriously, one day I’m going to be one of those 1,000 pound people that they have to use a fork lift to carry them outside a hole cut into the side of their parents’ house. And when they get me to the hospital, there will probably be a Wii Fit lodged somewhere in between my fat rolls. And the doctors will just laugh, and laugh, and laugh.

An oldie but a goodie:

This post is a forum to discuss your outrage over this year’s Emmy nominations. For me, it’s the usual snubbing of Battlestar Galactica in the Acting and Best Drama categories that annoys me the most. Apparently people are upset about The Wire not being nominated as well, but I’ve never seen it. Which nominations (or lack thereof) grind your gears the most?

Or maybe we can just discuss the So You Think You Can Dance eliminations that took place last night instead.

On Thursday, July 17, 2008, me and my sister (a Gold Medalist in the Foot Olympics) finally used the sparklers that my mom bought, but forgot to have us use while all the grandchildren were in town during 4th of July. Luckily, as me an my sister proved, you are never too old for a sparkler.

Luckily for you, there is a whole week of ridiculous photos such as these awaiting your viewing pleasure when we go on our cruise in a week and a half.

Burn! Ted Danson totally gave Richard Jenkins (not to be confused with Roscoe Jenkins) bunny ears at the premiere of Step Brothers. Man, that Danson is so edgy! Look at that sassy look on Mary Steenburgen. You just know she was in on it! “Quick distract him! I’ll give ‘em the old bunnerooni!”

Source: WireImages via IMDB

I’m up to page 72 of The Golden Compass by Philip Pullman, and the thing I like most about it is the negative portrayal of the Catholic church. I’ll see you in Hell, you bastards!

Just kidding. We haven’t gotten to any of that business yet, which I fully expect to be blown out of proportion. There are so many stories that are anti-establishment, and they can be representative of so many historical institutions or events, I expect this to be no different.

The thing I really like most about it is the imperfect portrayal of both the kids and adults. The main character Lyra can be a bit of a brat. I’m not talking about the way Harry Potter was in Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix. Just more of a natural immaturity that surrounds her character and her actions. We all know I love the Chronicles of Narnia books, but even I can get a bit tired of their “Good day to you fine sir! Yes, the weather is lovely. Don’t you just love that I am perfect in every way? Isn’t that Eustace such a terrible little boy?” act. Kids don’t behave that way.

Even the adults are a bit nasty at times. The good ones like Lord Azriel (the character portrayed by Daniel Craig in the movie) talk about smacking Lyra upside the head and telling her what a punk she is. But even through this, the characters are all likeable. I think they come across more real. Now you know I hate when people equate being an “asshole” with being “real” like the way everyone kept going on about how “real” the movie Crash was. But these characters aren’t assholes, they’re just not perfect and sometimes they can come across like assholes. But I like it.

I like assholes. Wait, what?

“He changed his layout again?!“

I know, I know, I change my layout all the time. But this one needed to be done because I’ve been stressing out so much about my blog lately, I really needed a change. This new theme is meant to reflect the new relaxed attitude of Puntabulous. Don’t you feel relaxed just looking at it? After a nice discussion with Scott, he helped me realize some changes I need to make to the blog.

Posts will be shorter and breezier. And no more forced blogging. Blogging for the sake of having a new post is just silly. I didn’t have a post on Monday because I was hanging out with my Mom on Sunday night and wasn’t able to blog. Let me tell you, I stressed out so hardcore on Monday. It was ridiculous. I think the new mood of Puntabulous will avoid this.

Also, I was getting into this “features” mindset and it was really holding me back. For example, I saw WALL-E on Saturday. I would have loved to have posted a review on Sunday, but I held off and saved it for my weekly movie review post. By the time I wrote it, I didn’t have the same passion that I had for it right after seeing it. So if I want to post a freaking movie review, I’ll post a freaking movie review.

So here I am, writing about life more casually. I think it’ll be fun.

Netflix #35 - Batman: Gotham Knight - Suggested by no one

I pretty much love anything having to do with Batman. Well, maybe not the craptastic Batman and Robin movie, but most things having to do with Batman. Hell, I’m even considering buying the Birds of Prey DVDs! I also think that Batman: The Animated Series, from the 90’s is some of the best animation ever. So I was really excited about this one. But unfortunately, the parts were better than the whole. The DVD is comprised of six 20 minute animated films, each with very different stories and visual styles, which supposedly take place between Batman Begins and The Dark Knight. While they were all enjoyable (some more than others), after it was done, I was kinda like “That’s it?” Like, there was no real reason for it. It was exactly what it was: six individual stories. I think it would have been better if the stories were more closely related, or told a single story. So, see it if you want, but don’t rush to see it before seeing The Dark Knight. It’s not worth it.

Netflix #36 - Requiem for a Dream - Suggested by Nicky and flowergurl281

Holy Shit Nuggets! This movie was ridiculous. Ridiculous and awesome. And I never ever want to see it again. Seriously, this movie was such an experience, one that I will never have to experience again. It’s something I haven’t felt since seeing Children of Men, which was equally as awesome but also only needed to be seen once. Ellen Burstyn was amazing. The role was such an ugly role, and she played it incredibly. She totally should have won the Oscar over Julia Roberts. And I was also really impressed with Marlon Wayans. This was the first time I’ve seen him in a serious role, and I thought he was great. Jennifer Connelly was equally awesome, as expected. The only semi-weak one was Jared Leto, with his annoyingly fake New York accent. This was my second Darren Aronofsky movie after The Fountain, which is one of my favorite movies ever. I’m assuming I should see Pi next, correct?

WALL-E

Yes, it’s just as good as everyone says it is. It was definitely my favorite Pixar movie since The Incredibles. The first 45 minutes on Earth were so beautifully done. I was shocked how captivated the kids in the audience were, during the quiet scenes. But then again, I’m always shocked how much kids these days still love the classic Disney films like Snow White and Cinderella, even though they don’t have the whiz bang of more modern Disney films like Tarzan (which is the best Disney movie ever). Not much else to say that hasn’t already been said by more eloquent people than myself. Go see this movie.

Keep your recommendations coming!

LUCIFER

It is believed that Lucifer was the name of Satan when he was still an angel in heaven, before being cast out by God. The word “lucifer” in Latin means “light-bringer”. Doesn’t sound so bad, does it? Well Lucifer is also the name given to the “Morning Star” or Venus. Because Venus is an inferior planet — meaning that it’s closer to the Sun than the Earth is — its orbit prevents it from being seen high in the sky above Earth like the superior planets such as Mars, Jupiter, Saturn and so on, and is usually only visible in the morning and evening shortly before and after the Sun rises and sets. So the reason for the connection between the name given to Satan and the name given to Venus is that the inability of Venus to reach the grand heights of the night’s sky reflects the way Satan was cast out of Heaven.

Oh, and that whole cast-out-of-Heaven business could totally be a wacky misunderstanding. You see, when God made the angels, he told them to never worship anyone but God. But then God made Man, and told the angels to bow down to Man. Lucifer’s refusal to bow to Man could be interpreted in two ways: 1) Lucifer was so egotistical that he refused to bow down to what he considered to be a lesser being or 2) His love for God was so great that he couldn’t bring himself to bow to Man the same way he bowed to God, even if God told him to. Wasn’t that an episode of Three’s Company?

Either way, Lucifer’s refusal to obey God led to this huge war in Heaven with a third of the angels siding with Lucifer, and the other two thirds siding with God. Lucifer lost — of course — and he was cast out of Heaven with his fellow rebellious angels. All of this happened before the Fall of Man, which was when that bitch Eve totally forced Adam to eat the apple from the Tree of Knowledge, and Man ceased being perfect beings (well, most of us ceased being perfect beings) and were cast out of Paradise. You just know Lucifer was shaking his fist up to Heaven being all like “I told you so!” Oh, and by the way, “malus” in Latin as a noun means “apple” and as an adjective means “evil”, which is a possible explanation for why — even though the Bible makes no mention of apples — an apple is typically used in illustrations of the Fall of Man.

NOW TELL ME SOMETHING I DON’T KNOW.

1. After my morning cup of coffee, I like to have a glass of Tropicana orange juice. Does the sugar in orange juice counteract any health benefits?

2. I’ve been obsessed with my new and improved love handles. Can I cause kidney damage by poking them so much?

3. Gay guys aren’t superficial, right? They will love me for my big, sexy brain? Related: How rich do I have to be before people don’t care how fat I am?

4. Why are Wii Fits sold out everywhere? Can someone get me one? Is it pathetic that I think a Wii Fit will help?

5. If I concentrate really hard, can I have Will’s body from So You Think You can Dance?

Picture from wonderfully talented Puntabulous reader Matt from Michigan.

6. I’ve given up soda except on special occasions (pizza, long car trips, movies) and eating after 8:00PM. Can someone please give me a pat on the back?

7. Which should be made a priority before going on my cruise? My softness? Or my shoulder hair?

8. If I get the size 34 pants to my suit let out because the last two times I wore it I wanted to shoot myself in the face, but the label still says 34, can I still say they’re size 34 pants?

9. What other nuggets of health and fitness knowledge can you pass on to a dorky boy such as myself?

10. How long can I ask questions such as these, while avoiding the whole “working out” issue, before you guys lose respect for me?

Sorry I didn’t go with any of your recommendations on Netflix this week! Don’t let that discourage you from making more of them! I promise I’ll use a recommendation or two in next week’s batch of reviews, probably from Nicky because he leaves me nasty comments in completely unrelated posts about me not using his recommendations even though I’ve already seen most of them. I think he’s just taking his anger out on me because Battlestar Galactica is on hiatus and he can’t talk smack about Starbuck.

Netflix #33 - Be Kind Rewind - Suggested by no one

I knew going in that this movie was basically just going to be a vehicle for Jack Black and Mos Def (Two people I love. Mos Def slightly more because he’s kinda lanky and awkward, like me!) to do homemade movie spoofs. But I was hoping for a more coherent story to keep the movie moving along between spoofs. The movie it self was just all over the place and couldn’t keep me interested, which is a shame because the mixture of humor (the spoofs themselves) and sweetness (the community rallying behind the amateur filmmakers and the joy of watching them watch the movies) was really great, especially the documentary film at the end of the movie. But again, the rest of the movie was all over the place. Overall it was entertaining, but not nearly as good as it could have been.

Netflix #34 - The Mostly Unfabulous Social Life of Ethan Green - Suggested by no one

I got this movie for two reasons: 1) It’s based on a comic strip (like Super Viagra!) and 2) The title. Not knowing anything about the comic strip or the movie, I expected to immediately feel as though this Ethan Green character was my kindred spirit. We would be exactly alike, both having mostly (read: totally) unfabulous social (read: social and dating) lives. Well let me just start off by saying that Ethan Green did not turn out to be my kindred spirit. He was extremely good looking, perfectly manscaped, had more sex in the 88 minute running time than I’ve had, like, ever, didn’t have a muffin top, and while not confirmed in the movie, I’m pretty sure he never had a toenail fungus. Other than the completely Tara Reid in glasses makes her a genius anthropologist aspect of the movie, I have to admit that it was really cute. And I did manage to connect with Ethan by the end of the movie. It’s cute and fluffy and you should only watch it with low expectations and possibly alcohol.

Wanted

This is exactly what you expect it to be. Not much story, but loads of awesome dialogue, humor, and of course: action. James McAvoy and Angelina Jolie were both as gorgeous as ever. But the whole movie was worth it for this one tiny morsel I’m about to tell you. It can technically be considered a spoiler. Not really a story spoiler, but just a little unexpected thing that happens at the end of the movie that is just so unexpectedly awesome. So if you want to save the surprise for yourself, stop reading this review and go down on to the next review. Okay ready? So all these characters are cursing up a storm, all the while Morgan Freeman is doing his usual mentor role, which is awesome of course, but not saying a single curse word. And I thought to myself: “I wonder if he has a clause in his contract that says he’s not going to curse because he likes to maintain his on screen persona.” But then in this glorious moment of cinema history, towards the end of the movie he utters the phrase “Mother Fucker” and everything else becomes inconsequential. It was amazing.

Hancock

I was a little hesitant about seeing this one. Everytime I’m not watching a Will Smith movie, I pretend to not like Will Smith. I just think he’s always playing the same bad ass with a heart of gold character. And I hate how I’m supposed to love him. All of his movies make bazillions of dollars. Like, who doesn’t love Will Smith? Well that just gets on my nerves. But then I see his movies and he’s just so gosh darn charming on screen. Even when he’s being a prick (like he was in Hancock) he’s a very likeable person. Mix my pretending to not like Will Smith with the negative reviews, and I was worried. But it was good! Yes, there were some major tone issues (I didn’t know they could say the F-word in a PG-13 movie) and the second half was completey different from the first half, but they were both enjoyable halves. I bet a rewrite from a fresh mind before filming started would have really helped, just to smooth out all the rough patches, but overall it was good.

Keep your recommendations coming!

Previously on The Puntabulous Adventures of Super Viagra and Vagina Girl: Part 1, Part 2, and Part 3.

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