Alas! I have ridden over merry waters and now return to you, dear readers, from my half fortnight of revelry and rapprochement! Indeed! Forsooth!
Okay, enough of that. I’m back! Did you miss me?
No? Oh, you mean because I had all those awesome guest bloggers last week? I suppose that’s okay then. They were all pretty fantastic, right? After all, Juliet said that last weeks TMST was her favorite ever! (Yes, I read every single one of the comments when I got home. And yes Ryan R., I own plenty of argyle socks!) Also, who knew my Dad would be such a blogging superstar? Of course, I’d like to give a big thank you to all my guest bloggers from last week for doing such an awesome job!
Oh, and what is this business about Mark being eliminated from So You Think You Can Dance? I go away for one week and this is what happens? I thought I could trust you guys to keep an eye on him for me while I was away. Bastards.
Anyway, I’ll have lots of cruise stories throughout the week as I sort through the hundreds of pictures I took. And of course there may be a few MSPaint reenactments thrown in for good measure. To give you an idea of how it went though, I’ll give you some tallies (not to be confused with the “tailies” from Season 2 of LOST, which was built up as “A whole new cast of characters! It will be incredible!” but then turned into Bernard. Hi Bernard! Good thing you are so awesome!) of various aspects of the cruise. (Sometimes my parenthetical sentences go on for so long that I forget what I was talking about before I started them and I have to go back to figure out how I was going to finish the sentence.)
Now where was I? Oh right. Tallies. Here goes!
Total Days of Cruise: 7
Days at Sea: 4
Days in Bermuda: 3
Meals per Day: 4
Average Bedtime: 10 (The sun really tires you out!)
Average Waketime: 10 (The sun really tires you out!)
Number of times I could resist the words “Would you like another Gin and Tonic, sir?”: 0
Number of Gin and Tonics consumed: 15 million
Number of fights with my sister Amanda: 0 (Go us!)
Realizations from seeing all those hard bodies sparkling personalities that I really need to start dating more: 1
Pages of The Golden Compass read: 131
Rating of the chapter depicting the escape from Bolvangar (“Witches”) on a scale of 1-10: 15
Wine tastings attended: 2
Bottles of champagne won: 1
Beer tastings attended: 2
Beer trivia contests won: 1
Number of ridiculously gay cruise directors: 1
Number of hours after I got home until I remembered to look up ridiculously gay cruise director on MySpace and Facebook: 5
Percentage success rate of finding ridiculously gay cruise director on networking sites: 0%
Number of shuffleboard games played: 0.20 (We really sucked at it.)
Number of piano players/lounge singers/Elton John impersonators that looked like my friend Lance: 1
Number of sunscreen applications per hour of sun: 3
Number of towels thrown over my legs just in case: 1
Number of T-shirts worn just in case: 1
Number of greasy T-shirts by the end of the trip due to wearing them over my greasy sunscreened body: 7
Number of milky white complexions maintained: 1
Number of days after cruise until I stop walking all wobbly legged: TBD
Number laughs shared with my sister: Countless
Number of days Craig was missed: 7
Estimated number of comments/responses to today’s post by day’s end: 250+
Number of Puntabulous readers recovering from Craig withdrawal: 5,322
Number of Puntabulous readers recovering from withdrawal of Craig withdrawal: 36 (another one was reported by a hospital in Kalamazoo, Michigan, but it’s as yet unconfirmed)
Number of times “withdrawal” can be used before it does that thing where it loses all meaning and just sounds like a weird word: 3
Good to have you back, Craig! But it’s even better that you had such a great time. Looking forward to all the photos and stories.
Welcome back!
And I can’t resist a gin & tonic when it’s offered either! Of course, it’s usually a bartender who then also asks me if I want to pay now or start a tab…
Oh Craig! Of course I did say that…but no one will ever replace you in my heart! Kisses! (I can’t believe you’re still white!)
Sounds like a great time. I went on a cruise once, it took me 5 days to finally find my sea legs and when I was back on terra firma it took me a few days to adjust to that. I’d make a terrible sailor. Did you go to the pink sand beach in Bermuda? We went there on our honeymoon. BTW, your dad is awesome!
Craig’s back!!! Looking forward to hearing the stories and seeing the pictures.
Gin and tonic, huh? I’m so sorry — I think that gin is nasty (rotting Christmas trees is what it makes me think of). I much prefer….well, almost anything.
Yay! Craig’s back. You’ve been missed, even as we all had fun reading and commenting here in your absense. [And don't worry Craig, no one was killed.]
I’m especially glad that the bartenders were busy keeping Craig safe from Malaria. Must be quite a problem in Bermuda, if they were pushing so much quinine so frequently on the passengers.
Ξ_Heather: Ironically, the G&T was invented when the Brits added their beloved gin to that nasty Tonic Water, in order to hide the bitter taste of quinine.
Welcome back Mr. Puntabulous, hope your vacation allows you to keep your creative juices flowing…wait, that came out wrong…no I mean I didn’t mean that either, music, fade to end, cut…
Yay Craiggers is back! I’m glad to see no one was killed. And how relieved and I to find out that the paleness was maintained and no tan recieved? I worry about that, cause Craiggers, you might be the only guy less tan than me.
Can’t wait for the pics!
HUGS…
Thanks everyone! Dave S, you certainly overestimate my number of readers.
Yes, I saw plenty of pink sand and torquoise water which is quite different from the murky brown stuff we have in New York. I could actually see my feet down 6 feet in the water!
Gin and Tonics are amazing.
Yay! … Mark went home!
Sorry, you may find him cute (which I don’t), but you can’t honestly say he’s a better dancer than say Joshua, or even WILL who unfairly went home before Mark somehow!!
For me, he’s totally the Starbuck of SYTYCD…
And welcome back! I can’t wait to go on my first trip out of the tri-state area this December!
Craig: You absolutely must try Tanqueray Rangpur in your next gin & tonic. It makes the perfect G&T. Yum. I have some in my freezer at home and suddenly have a hankerin’…
And, yeah, I apologize for the overestimate. I forgot that Frank Hopkins a Puntabulous lurker from Mansfield, Ohio, passed away after 20 years of battling AHLS. (Worry, Craig — somebody finally died) So the actual number should have read “5,321.”
I apologize for any confusion…
Nicky: Your taste is awful. Why do you hate everything that is good and holy?
Dave S: Is Tanqueray Rangpur the same as just Tanqueray? I love Tanqueray but am too cheap to treat myself. Usually I just get the house Gin.
Tanqueray Rangpur isn’t the same as regular Tanqueray. Rangpur is infused with lime, ginger, and bay leaves near the end of the distillation process. The essence of lime makes it unbelievably perfect for a G&T.
Great to hear you had a good time! You were missed, but we were totally entertained by your guest bloggers, all of them were excellent.
Hey, hating Starbuck and Mark should be ok since I love Puntabulous.
And besides, don’t we have similar movie taste?
Oh! And “Morning Song”!
“For the love of Puntabulous covers a multitude of sins.” – 2 Craig 3:19
Woot! I made it into a post.
Welcome back, Craig.
Welcome back! Your guest bloggers were great, but the real Puntabulous is like sunshine. Without those annoying deleterious rays.
Sounds like the ridiculously gay cruise director made an impression
No. He was kinda creepy looking. His jaw bones were a bit too pronounced and gave him a slight skeletal look. You know, because I have every right to be superficial.
Sounds like Blayne from Project Runway… :-/
[insert Polt's defense of Blayne here]
Ah, so the networking site lookup was “morbid curiosity”.
Exactly. I just needed to confirm my suspicions.
Blayne = Ew
Keith = Hamana hamana hamana
Okay I WAS going to leap to the defense of Blayne, but since you were snide about it, Dave S., I’m just not going to. Although Keith IS a nice piece of meat, for sure.
And all this talk of gins and bay leaves and lime and stuff makes me feel so inferior….anything more than a LaBatts Blue is too exotic for me.
HUGS…
I guess being a Morgan and Coke guy puts me at the bottom of the drinking chain.
Leanne’s my Project Runway Hamana Girl. So damn cute.
Keith needs to get rid of that wide-band bandana thing on his head. But I like him nonetheless. He’s got some good ideas, he’s just gotta pull them together better.
Kelli is my current crush, but I also thought Emily was really cute; not that Leanne is unattractive. Kenley has her moments, but there is something about her I don’t like.
As for Blayne, to each his own. Looking at his picture alone, he isn’t tragic, but as soon as he opens his mouth the facade is ruined. Keith has it going on, I’d let him measure my inseam. And by that I mean hem my pants, but he has to lose the bandana.
Also, is it me or are Daniel and Wesley the cutest couple ever? (if they are, in fact dating)
Huzzah! You have returned!
Parentheses are fun (I like to put brackets [like this] in them).
Good for you for not fighting with your sister. As the KITH It’s a Fact Girl would say, “The booze always helps.”
Welcome back!
I know you are pale, but why even bother going on a cruise if you are going to avoid the sun like a vampire? Wearing t-shirts over suntan lotion-y skin? EEEwwww.
I also can’t abide gin and tonics. Too sweet and cloying for me. I’m a vodka man through and through.
Mark: Don’t say bottom, Polt is very excitable.
John: It’s been confirmed, and it’s totally cute. Wesley is dreamy except for the annoying shorts-wearing gimmick.
Michelle M: Love the brackets! Will have to use them more.
David: Too sweet?! They’re like the exact opposite of sweet! Boo sweet drinks like Jack and Coke! Barf.
I’m only excitable when thinking about your bottom, Craiggers!
….oooooh, Craigger’s bottom, ooooohhhhh….. (my tribute to Homer Simpson).
Michelle: LOVE the KITH referenece!!! Can never EVER get enough of them!
HUGS…
I had to google KITH to know what it meant. And I’ve never seen an episode. I fear the wrath of Michelle M. upon hearing that news!
Clever way to recap your cruise! Welcome home.
No wrath – maybe a little envy. You’ve got the whole series ahead of you to watch – 30 Helens agree that you should get to it!
Polt – saw them live. It was great! Do you have a favorite sketch? I adore Gavin, Buddy Cole (and the lesbian softball team), the axe murderer and Cathy and Kathy and the stolen pen sketch. Oh god, and I still “crush heads” .
Me again. Craig, here’s a taste: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cFEUy8NzazE
Michelle, the Chicken Lady was always a favorite of mine. Mainly cause I worked with a lady that looked JUST like her…minus the feathers of course.
Oh, and Simon Mulligan and Manservant Hecubus!
“Dirty, dirty, dirty! Dirty evil whiteboy!” BWAHAHAHAHHAHA!!!
HUGS…
Craig: Agreed, what was with the shorts and a jacket. He looks like he could have passed for a creepy cruise director.
YA Craig is back! Glad you had fun and I can’t wait to see the pics. The guest bloggers were terriffic too.
Woohoo, glad you had a wonderful time and we missed you. Your pasty white body can rest next to my pasty white legs. Sigh. Pale is the new tan right? Or maybe its the farmer’s tan I have on my arms that is “hip” right now. Anyway, look forward to hearing from you.
A Labatt’s Polt? Are you up here north of the border with me or are you living dangerously down south there and consuming a high alcohol beer?
Welcome back! I am glad you had a nice time on your cruise.
Michelle M.: I was lucky enough to see KITH live when they came to Columbus back in April. Nonstop laughter from beginning to end! (and a cameo from the Chicken Lady, Polt!)
One of my favorite sketches from the show was Nina from Joymakers.
Meee: nah, I’m not in the Great White North…and more’s the pity. But I LOVE Toronto, and over my 15 visits there in the last 11 years, I’ve developed a taste for LaBatt’s. Which, much to my surprise and delight, they sell around here. Whoo-hoo.
I would have LOVED to have seen KITH live. How jealous am I?
HUGS…
Michelle M: Very funny clip!
My Pen is one of my all time favorites. That and Girl Drink Drunk. I also liked the Temps (“Temp. Slut. Temp-Slut”).
And who can resist Buddy Cole? Actor, singer, dancer, model, Ca-NAY-dian.
Craig: Yay!
The Office Fur trappers sketch always makes me laugh. And Darill and his tumor. And the king of empty promises (will do, slipped my mind). Oh and the Daddy drinks sketch (Tap shoes? I don’t dance. I can’t dance you little bastard – I bought you a puppy, but on the way home I got hungry and I ate him. Just kidding. I would never buy you a puppy).
Dave S. – Now you’re one of the Dave’s I know I know I know…
Okay. I’ll stop now.
Mark: I’m at the bottom of the drinking chain, in that I’ve never had an alcoholic drink ever in my life. I am only 19, but most people drink by then.
If you come up north Nicky we can get you drunk legal.
19 here and where I grew up its 18. And yeah, I waited till it was legal, yeah, that’s right, that’s what I did.