Aug
7
On our first day at Bermuda, our first task was getting to Horseshoe Bay Beach, which is the most popular beach on Bermuda. The water was turquoise and the sand was pink. It was absolutely beautiful. We also took a before picture to show my skin tone when we got there. I can guarantee that I won’t be making a mousepad out of this picture.
Then we spent a few hours on the beautiful beach seen here:
Then we got back to the room and I looked like this. I was perplexed by the odd stripes that made up the tan line on my stomach.
Until Amanda yelled out “Oh my god! They’re from your fat rolls!” So we tested this theory by pretending to read under the (apparently non-UV-proof) umbrella that we rented from the beach.
And indeed the rolls formed matched perfectly with my tan lines. And apparently I have no shame, which is why I’m sharing this truly sad and tragic story here. The End.
August 7th, 2008 at 6:55 am
Some quick random thoughts on today’s post as I race out of the office to do a press check:
- [shakes fist in the air] Damn you, non-UV-proof umbrella!
- Those rock formations are incredible!
- Hey! Where’s the photos of Amanda at the beach?
August 7th, 2008 at 7:33 am
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA, I can’t stop laughing rght now…HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH, Oh, and that beach is beautiful…hahahahhahahaa, I can’t help it
August 7th, 2008 at 7:54 am
Are you sure about the fat rolls? Because to me they look like sloppy application of sunscreen. Or, in case neither gluttony nor laziness appeals to you, possibly variations in the sun’s rays due to uneven reflection off of the waves.
Speaking of which, how was the water? Warm? Shark-free?
August 7th, 2008 at 8:01 am
Dave S: Pictures of Amanda in her bikini were not allowed. But as her brother, I can say she did look good. Now don’t ever make me say that again.
Hayden: I’ll assume you’re laughing at my witty writing, and not the sight of my rolls.
Ξ_Heather: I would love nothing more than to find a more scientific solution to my burns, but unfortunately it’s definitely the rolls. They burns matched up way too good not to be. I had applied sunscreen earlier in the day, but didn’t reapply since I figured I was safe under the umbrella. I was wrong.
And the water was incredible! It was cool and refreshing and took you about a second to get acclimated to. And no sharks. The bus driver on the way there said they don’t really have shark problems there.
August 7th, 2008 at 8:22 am
I’m not going to comment on this, cause instead of rolls, I got a whole loaf of bread…in facet a whole supermarket full of loaves of bread on my belly. So I’ll not mock in the slightest. I will however say, the stripes are pretty funny…not their cuase.
Oh, and I think you’re cute in your trunks…whether you’re pasty-pale or red striped. EIther way, still cute.
HUGS…
August 7th, 2008 at 8:22 am
The fat rolls theory doesn’t explain the red spots on your arm……I’m with Heather and going with sloppy application. Looks like you always know how to have a good time no matter what. You should offer a Puntabulous cruise. I’d pay to go……
August 7th, 2008 at 8:41 am
Hahahahahahahahaha! That’s priceless. I was wondering why you looked like you had been grilled.
August 7th, 2008 at 8:43 am
I’m with Polt on this one. People in glass houses…
I can’t look at the pictures of you, that burn looks so painful. Especially your neck. Ouch!
August 7th, 2008 at 8:50 am
Polt: All this bread talk makes me think of the Pillsbury Doughboy! Everyone loves him!
Kimi: That’s a great idea! It’ll be like the Love Boat, only less gay.
Avitable: Don’t I look like Michael Scott’s foot after he stepped on his George Foreman grill?
John: What do you look like? I demand a picture.
August 7th, 2008 at 9:02 am
Craig, should you come down to Ocean City, NJ, (”America’s Greatest Family Resort”) before the summer ends to “even out your tan”, you can totally stay with me. (I suggested to SK that you two should have a bloggers convention here in “The O.C.”) But I’ve been spending my summer teaching literature and reading young adult vampire romance novels written by Mormons — and now books about gulags written by recently deceased Russian writers. So it’s been utter Palesville here, my friend. Still, I have a student who works at an ice cream place on the boardwalk, so I could ply you with free frozen custard, if that’s your poison.
August 7th, 2008 at 9:06 am
Uhhh that’s not really a TAN line so much as a SUNBURN line.
August 7th, 2008 at 9:28 am
Wahahahaha. And this is why I love your blog.
August 7th, 2008 at 9:43 am
Okay, I giggled out loud at work. Sorry. But what’s with that weird whitemark on your right shoulder? Like a check mark. It does look painful. That beach though, I’d die for that beach. Pink sand. Sigh. One day …. one day.
August 7th, 2008 at 10:00 am
Rich: Sounds like someone’s reading the Twilight series! I think I’m gonna read them after I’m finished with His Dark Materials Trilogy. I’ll be there for free frozen custard and classy conversation!
Nicky: Whether making fun of me or Starbuck, I can always count on your for your bluntness.
Josh: Thanks!
Meee: That is a true sign of sloppy sunscreen application. It’s a finger swipe.
August 7th, 2008 at 10:16 am
Well, Craig, I must say that I’m highly disappointed. A day on the beautiful beach and the only beefcake pictures we get are yours? Not that we don’t all enjoy the opportunity to see you in suggestive states of undress, but you should have been out stalking the boys in the sand with your camera. It’s the only fair way to bring a piece of your vacation back to all of us.
August 7th, 2008 at 10:38 am
OMG you crack me up! That is a beautiful beach & I’m so glad you had fun.
August 7th, 2008 at 10:57 am
Rolls, I love rolls! with plenty of butter!
August 7th, 2008 at 10:58 am
Hey! my Avatar is finally showing!
August 7th, 2008 at 11:06 am
You are a brave, brave man. Balls of steel. I honor that.
Craiggers, if you are happy with how you look I totally salute that. If for whatever reason you want to change, let me know and I will be happy to offer suggestions. Until then, I suspend any judgment.
The beach sounds like heaven. I’ve seen green sand, but never pink sand.
No pics of hot guys on the beach? Waaaaah!
August 7th, 2008 at 11:06 am
And an awesome avatar it is!
August 7th, 2008 at 11:07 am
Jerekeys: Am I not enough beefcake for you?
Koehmstedt: Thanks!
ExAstrisScientia: Woo hoo!
David: Why would I ever want to change the way I look? I’m perfect.
August 7th, 2008 at 11:49 am
Shame is for pussies.
This? Was awesome.
August 7th, 2008 at 12:01 pm
Miss Britt: Totally agree. It’s what makes Craig beyond cool.
(you can tell it’s been a busy day — I’ve only commented 3 times!) (the crowd cheers!)
August 7th, 2008 at 12:12 pm
Miss Britt: And all along I thought only tact was for pussies.
August 7th, 2008 at 1:11 pm
August 7th, 2008 at 1:11 pm
Craig: “Demand”? I don’t negotiate with terrorists.
My aunt recently commented on a photo of Brad Pitt and told my mother that he looks like me.
My aunt is *very* old.
I’ve also been compared to Robert Downey Jr. and Matthew Perry. Neither of which are accurate.
I’m 5′10″ and a little less than athletic (by little I mean a lot). I have green/hazel eyes (from my Irish dad) and a fair complexion (though a little darker than you thanks to my mother’s Portuguese heritage). My hair was a medium brown until I turned 17 when it started to go silver, it is now about 60/40 with the silver winning.
My turn ons: romantic evenings with the Mrs., humorous people, music and art.
My turn offs: rude people, stupidity and smoking.
My future goal: To become a veterinarian because I love children.
(10 points to the first person to guess the reference).
August 7th, 2008 at 1:26 pm
I’m not a terrorist!
Speaking of terrorists, a guy just extended his hand to me, and I was forced to give him a “terrorist fist jab”.
It was super awkward. It’s right up there with high fiving for me.
August 7th, 2008 at 1:45 pm
Wow John! You sound like someone I would date. Too bad you want a romantic evening with the “Mrs.” lol.
And Craig, I usually hate when someone extends their hand cause I don’t know what they want to do… shake? pound? terrorist fist jab? sometimes it’s hard to tell.
August 7th, 2008 at 2:05 pm
I’m with Nicky. Brad Pitt AND Robert Downey Jr? I’m sold.
August 7th, 2008 at 2:08 pm
john: That was easy. So are earth girls.
Craig - I like your swimsuit. And your post - you always brighten my day!
August 7th, 2008 at 2:16 pm
You’re perfect, even with your rolls and moobs!
August 7th, 2008 at 2:19 pm
WAIT. A. MINUTE.
MOOBS?!
No one ever said anything about moobs.
PS - Good job Michelle M!
August 7th, 2008 at 2:24 pm
MIss Britt, as always, you cut to the chase and sum it all up in a few choice words. You, dear, are my idol, a goddess of succinctness. had me smiling, it did.
HUGS…
August 7th, 2008 at 2:26 pm
Did I say moobs? I meant white streak on your shoulder….really….I swear.
August 7th, 2008 at 3:53 pm
Nicky: Regardless of our dissimilar interests, I’m flattered.
Craig: Did you not see my comment about my Aunt’s age? I *so* don’t look anything like Brad Pitt, Robert Downey Jr or Matthew Perry. At all. And hell, if I had the choice, I would rather my bank account looked like theirs than my face or body.
I will admit that my siblings have referred to me as the silver fox of the house, though now that I think about it, there might have been a tiny bit of sarcasm in the statement…..
Michelle M.: See, this is why I like you so much.
August 7th, 2008 at 4:00 pm
So let me see if I can get this straight:
((Brad Pitt + Robert Downey Jr.) Anderson Cooper) - $Millions = john
August 7th, 2008 at 4:31 pm
Close. It is more like this:
(-Brad Pitt)+ (-Robert Downey Jr.)+(Anderson Cooper*.1) +(some boyish looks and charm)- $Millions = john
August 7th, 2008 at 5:16 pm
Wasn’t there supposed to be a choice between the getting rid of the tiny FUPA and the Tribble that inhabits each shoulder?
Well just throw your arms in the air and sing “I am what I am†(too gay, or is there such a thing?)
August 7th, 2008 at 6:37 pm
I think you’re quite brave for posting those pics.
And, if possible even cuter than before.
August 7th, 2008 at 10:50 pm
Yeah, I don’t care if you don’t look like them. Still interested. lol.
Do you happen to look like Edward Norton or Patrick Wilson?!
August 8th, 2008 at 3:46 am
Handsome, even so.
August 8th, 2008 at 8:15 am
Nicky: Not even beer goggles would allow someone to confuse me with either of them.
I had to look up Patrick Wilson to see what he looked like, then I realized he was the lead in Hard Candy.
August 9th, 2008 at 4:04 am
You’re, um, pretty white in that first pic, Waffle. And I’m not just saying that. You’re REALLY white.
August 10th, 2008 at 4:37 am
I hope you’re friends with David–I wouldn’t let a stranger say stuff like that to me.
You look totally healthy to me!
August 12th, 2008 at 11:46 am
“I can guarantee that I won’t be making a mousepad out of this picture”
funniest thing i’ve read in a long time!