Aug
25
Well lookie here! Puntabulous Guest Debates have returned! And who better to get us back into the debating swing than Casey from Moosh in Indy? Last time we had an epic battle over Cookies and Brownies. This time it’s personal!
TODAY’S TOPIC: TALL VS SHORT!
Casey: How do long car rides treat you Craig? Pretty uncomfortable right? No leg room, no head room, gah, that can’t be fun. Well, okay, so you can pay a whole lot extra for the “bigger” rental car. Or you can pay a bunch of money for cars with all sorts of leg room. But then there’s the gas thing. You see, cars that fit people like you aren’t so good on the gas. And with fuel nearing $5.00 a gallon you would either have to be the son of an oil tycoon or flat out MoneyBagsMcAnally to be able to afford driving anywhere. (And I’m pretty sure we’re all aware that you’re neither.) I guess you could just not have friends, take the back seat out, slide the front seat all the way back and your problem is solved. But me on the other hand? I can fit in a packed clown car and still have room to stretch out and enjoy a can of Pringles and a frosty pop.
Craig: Long cars rides in my modest sedan are fine, and I thank you for your concern, which I will just pretend was sincere. Speaking of cars, I bet you’re one of those short people that borrows the cars of tall people and returns them with the seat all the way pushed up to the steering wheel because your little insignificant legs can’t reach the pedals and you’re not nice enough to return the car in the condition you got it in. And the poor magnificent tall person who was kind enough to lend you their car in the first place is the victim of extreme squishing when they unknowingly sit in the seat right after you return it. CoughRudeCough! Anyway, being tall is awesome. Ever hear of the phrase “short, dark and handsome”? There’s a reason why America’s Next Top Model has a height requirement of at least 5′7″. Modeling is about more than just knowing how to smile with your eyes. It’s about the whole package, and the package isn’t complete without the proper height.
Casey: Honey, ANTM ended months ago. Let’s talk about SYTYCD. Frankly the tall dancers? They were a little on the lurpy side. Sure they were all kinds of pretty when they were twirling! and with the lines! OH! the beautiful! LINES! But when they stood still they just looked like big sweaty misplaced trees with heads. Did anybody else notice that the SHORT dancer won? Being short people can use words like “cute” and “adorable” and “pocket sized” to compliment you. Don’t forget “button” and “tiny” and “petite”. However one would require a grand stretch of the imagination to compliment a giant. How many ways are there to say “tall”? Honestly? Here, I’ll try. “Hey Craig, you’re looking awful, uh, vertical today.” See? Short is easy to relate to, enjoyable, “cute” even. Tall’s just kind of, overbearing and lanky. And occasionally creepy. Besides, you know I could spank those ANTM girls any day at smiling with my eyes, height requirement or not.
Craig: Um, excuse me. Do the words “statuesque”, “grand”, and “strapping” suddenly have negative connotations that I’m not aware of? Oh, and let’s not forget about “towering”! That’s right! I’m not tall, I’m a towering hunk of man beef! But don’t worry, you’re not short either. You’re abbreviated, truncated, and squat. Boy, thesauruses are fun! And fine, I’ll admit that short people make cooler dancers because they’re so easy to spin like tops. Plus it’s easy to pop and lock when your arms and legs are so small that all you have to do is move your body and your arms and legs automatically move along with it. But how about professional sports? Tall people have advantages in basketball, volleyball, and just about every other sport I can think of. I don’t think there’s a single sport where being short is an advantage. Oh wait, maybe hide and seek. But then you end up being hidden too well and people forget about you and then they stop looking for you, because if you’re going to forget to find someone it’s certainly not going to be the statuesque one.
Casey: Hello. I’d like you to meet my friends the gymnasts. Gym-nasty if you ask me. Bulging muscles, the ability to hover in midair, those toned rear ends. Makes me just shiver thinking of all those well developed muscles. However your freakishly tall athletes? Just that. Freakish. They had to play basketball and become swimmers because they couldn’t find any normal clothes to fit them. Which brings me to another point. It’s so easy for me to get my pants hemmed to the perfect length. I can even leave them long and wear big pretty heels that all the gays covet. However, being tall, I’ll bet a lot of the pants you find leave you looking like Erkel. Dude, where’s the flood?
Craig: Um, are you seriously comparing yourself to female gymnasts? Because for every adorable Dominique Moceanu there’s about a dozen crazy, squeaky-voiced Kerri Strugs. And as for clothing, I have no idea what you’re talking about, since for gay men, belly shirts are completely normal. Besides, who thinks it’s cool to have to roll up your pants so they don’t drag along the ground. Anyone? Anyone? Bueller? Now I’d like to ask you about the last parade you attended. Was it crowded? Was it hard to get a spot in the front row, by the street? How was your view? Pretty difficult to see over everyone, right? Aw, what a shame! If you were tall, no matter where you are, you have a great view!
Casey: Alas I was referring to male gymnasts. Alexi Nemov anyone? I dare you to find a tall man with those kind of muscles and ability to hover. (Hulk Hogan doesn’t count.) And actually, now that you mention it, my small spry frame allows me to deftly maneuver in places you tall people are unable to get to. Actually allowing me, yes little ol’ me, the best seat at the parade. And movies? I can promise you that every time you go to a movie someone wishes for your head to be cut off. Yes. Off. I don’t care how cute you are in that belly shirt, you’re head is blocking our view of Shia Labeouf and we won’t stand for it. Now hand over your pink card assuming I roll up my pants. Any practicing gay man should have a good tailor on speed dial. I’m a stay at home mom and even I have a tailor on speed dial. Oh? What’s that? No one wants to tailor your never ending pants? Too bad. You’ll just have to admire mine.
Craig: I don’t know what kind of crappy movie theaters you have in Indiana, but here in New York we have a little thing called stadium seating. So my height shouldn’t be a problem for all you violent shorties who seat themselves behind me knowing full well what they’re getting themselves into. And why would I need a tailor? They actually make clothes in my size! You short people are the ones who need the normal sized clothing tailored to meet your stumpy needs. Either that or you’re shopping in the petite section with Dakota Fanning. Let me ask you this: How do you reach things on tall shelves? Either you have to ask a handsome tall stranger such as myself to help you out, which we will do out of the kindness of our hearts. Or you have to lug out a chair or stool like some sort of child trying to reach the faucet. Either option proves that short people are incapable of simple tasks.
Casey: Oh my darling Craig. Do you even have any idea how much money I save on clothes because I’m still able to shop at Gap Kids? I’ll just say this: BUNCHES. And don’t be hatin’ on the stool. Because it’s tall freaks like you that come over to my house and rest on my stool, probably because the air up where you are is so thin. It’s likely to kill anyones IQ by at least a couple dozen points. But that’s okay, because when you’re at the library you can reach all the really long boring books on the top shelf that the rest of the normal sized world has forgotten about. You know, the ones on motivated scientific reasoning biases, epistemological beliefs, and theory polarization. That should be able to bring the ol’ thin air IQ back up a couple of clicks. In the meantime I’ll be reading Martha’s new cookie book down here in my beanbag chair. Oh? You want a beanbag chair too? Sorry dude, bean bag chairs in your size are called hot air balloons and I’m fresh out.
Craig: Oh, I bet you feel so fabulous shopping at Gap Kids too. Nothing says “sophistication” quite like going to a fancy dinner party wearing a pink polka dotted jumper. And be sure to get ready for your fancy dinner party by cooking something fun and delicious. Oh, you should probably try a new recipe so you’ll want to go to the library to take out a new cook book. You know, those books that are so big they need to be kept on the top shelf. There’s another reason books are kept on the top shelves: because they’re so awesome. And awesome books need to be kept out of reach of children (and short people) with sticky book-ruining fingers. Seriously, where do you put your fingers? Are you sensing a trend here? Gap kids? Stools? Short people are pretty much the same thing as children. Oh, and only children like bean bag chairs. Seriously, they look like fun, but they are terrible TERRIBLE pieces of furniture. And I use that term loosely.
Casey: Jealous much? Sounds like somebody outgrew the playground before he was ready and is a little Bitter Betty about it. What’s so great is that all that money I save on grown up clothes? I can spend it on cookbooks. Who even goes to the library anymore? Lonely old men and hobos? Yeah, that sounds about right. It’s okay though, it must be really lonely up there with all the trees and leaves and birds just dying to peck your overgrown eyeballs out. Down here it’s all about the birds and the bees and the flowers and the furry little woodland creatures that keep me company and help me with my daily chores. That’s right. I’m a princess and you’re just a big awkward giant. When did Disney ever make a movie about that, HUH?
Craig: I take offense to that! Oh wait, you said hobos. Sorry, I misread that. What Disney movie did they make about my life you ask? A nice little classic I like to call “Mickey and the Beanstalk”. You know that one where those terrible little critters climbed up the beanstalk and performed some crimes the police would refer to as “breaking and entering”, into the house of a lovable giant who was minding his own business way up in the sky out of everyone’s way. How does this happy little story end, you ask? They kill the giant, that’s how. Tiny people are murderers. Little bite-sized murderers. They must be stopped at any cost. While you may be a princess in your own mind, I’m a giant among insects. Fee Fi Fo Fum! I smell the blood of a wee woman!
So who do you guys think won?
Be sure to head over to Casey’s blog: Moosh in Indy!
Think you could do better? Send me an e-mail with a topic you’d like to debate with me! If you’ve previously sent me a topic, and I never got back to you, or if we haven’t started the debating process yet, send me a reminder! I’m very forgetful! For more Puntabulous Debates CLICK HERE!
August 25th, 2008 at 6:30 am
Further to Mickey and the Beanstalk, let us not forget The BFG, Iron Giant and indeed Attack of the 50ft woman. The LFD, Iron Midget, and Attack of the 4ft pygmy just don’t have the same appeal. Tall is clearly box office gold.
August 25th, 2008 at 7:22 am
Yeah, I can, like, totally see Casey’s point — if Michael Phelps didn’t have that horrid height to contend with maybe he wouldn’t have to deal with all those pesky Olympic medals and those irritating adoring fans. Not to mention the scads of pointless monies from his book deal and upcoming advertising. I feel bad for Mike and his height. He’s a poor, godforsaken tall man…
Craig wins! Not only because I always wanted to be tall, but never made it (5′11″), but because Craig’s such a nice brother helping his shorter, less equipped sister.
(and I couldn’t help but think of the alternate definition of “stool”…)
August 25th, 2008 at 7:42 am
Okay, that was a great way to start a Monday. You know the saying, “good things come in small packages”. Casey all the way!!! Woohoo. Bigger is not always better and while size does matter, there is a limit to that concept. Short people unite!!!! At 159.5 cms (I’ll leave all you south of the border to figure out how “tall” I REALLY am) I’m content to align myself with the average size people of the world. While we might all admire Michael Phelps’ freakishness, admit it, if he was a woman he’d be in a carnival side show.
August 25th, 2008 at 8:20 am
First, you’re tall?
Second, I love tiny, petite, cute girls, so I have to give my vote to Casey, even though I am tall.
August 25th, 2008 at 8:29 am
Avitable: Please refer to this post that features my glorious height and my even gloriouser crotch:
http://puntabulous.com/2008/05/03/just-to-clear-up-any-confusion/
August 25th, 2008 at 8:30 am
Damn. I don’t remember seeing that post. 6′4″? You’re like the Frankenstein monster, only wearing argyle!
August 25th, 2008 at 8:37 am
[...] that time I debated with Craig over at Puntabulous? Cookies vs. Brownies? It was too close to [...]
August 25th, 2008 at 8:48 am
You’re both freaks. Average height all the way! A-ver-age! A-ver-age! A-ver-age!
August 25th, 2008 at 8:48 am
Well played McAnally. Well played. Enjoy lewsing.
August 25th, 2008 at 8:58 am
moosh in indy: This battle will be epic. And by “this battle” I mean “your failure”. Boo ya!
August 25th, 2008 at 9:12 am
Tall all the way, baby! I have to support fellow giants, as I am a huger-than-the-average female 5′ 11 myself.
August 25th, 2008 at 9:39 am
short girls are hot.
just saying.
August 25th, 2008 at 10:04 am
I’m 5 feet tall but have siblings and a husband who are 6 foot. We can do everything you can do better. Yes we may use a stool but can you stand on your counter tops and not hit your head on the ceiling? Well I can do that, or I can use a stool, I can save money by buying kids clothes, save money with smaller cars and more. You don’t even have that option!
August 25th, 2008 at 10:06 am
I’ve got to say that I love short people. When I met Casey at BlogHer, I felt like a supermodel compared to her.
Well, except for that whole “petite” thing the shorties have going on, which sort of deflated my supermodel hot air balloon.
I’m going with “short” is better because squatties make me feel tall and beautiful.
Hm, Casey, that might not have been the vote you were looking for… You cute little button munchkin princess.
August 25th, 2008 at 10:33 am
First, Casey is *totally* adorable! Nice stems!
Craig: “smile with my eyes” made me snort.
Is lurpy actually a word?
The Mrs. is 5′ and while I hate to constantly retrieve things from the top shelf in the kitchen, she is pretty damn cute (imho). You would also be surprised how much money you can save buying clothes in the kids department, especially winter coats.
I am neither tall nor short, but average at 5′10″. I wouldn’t mind being taller and would not like to be any shorter. So, using that as my guide, I give this one to Craig.
But cookies still have it all over brownies.
As a side, Craig, your sister is the most awesome sibling ever! If you haven’t done so, you need to bake her brownies and tell her you love her.
August 25th, 2008 at 10:39 am
Without even reading the whole debate, I HAVE to go with Craiggers winning because A), the photo of a shirtless Michael Phelps, B) All the photos of an unforntunately shirted Craiggers, and C), the fact that I’m 6′1″ myself…and all three of us are heart-rendingly GORgeous. Oh, and yeah, Craiggers has a “gloriouser crotch” too, let’s not forget that.
Winner: Criaggers and the tall people!!!
HUGS…
August 25th, 2008 at 10:48 am
Not Disney, but The Iron Giant is amazing!
Polt: Casey put up the Phelps pic!
And I go with Craig on this one (and brownies!).
I personally wouldn’t date someone who was my height or shorter (5′7″). My ex bf was 6′2″ and my next bf is 6′4″.
And I’ve only seen like two short guys naked, and they both had small penises, but the tall ones never did!!
XD
August 25th, 2008 at 10:51 am
Are you seriously putting yourself in the same category as Michael Phelps, Polt? *eyebrow raised* I was just at your blog, I saw the picture in the swim cap. Ummm. What exactly are you smoking?
August 25th, 2008 at 10:54 am
Nicky: Umm…”next bf”…? I take it you’ve already picked him out and it’s just a matter of him realizing it?
August 25th, 2008 at 10:57 am
Well Nicky, us short(er) people don’t have that issue (and its great you’ve picked out your next BF already). Its rare to find anyone shorter than us who would be worthy dating material, therefore we haven’t been forced by freakish height to rule out half the potential nominees.
August 25th, 2008 at 11:31 am
john: To complete your view of the situation, you should be aware that it was my Mom taking the pictures. It was a family blogging event!
August 25th, 2008 at 11:32 am
Bigger is always better! This one’s a no-brainer!
August 25th, 2008 at 11:44 am
BRILLIANT!
August 25th, 2008 at 11:55 am
Craig: I must change my previous comment to say most awesome family ever! You are a very lucky and very tall man.
Nicky: Isn’t your height rule a little self loathing?
August 25th, 2008 at 12:01 pm
I have to side with Craig on this issue. I much prefer tall people, because if I ever get shot at, I can hide behind one to use as a human shield.
August 25th, 2008 at 12:56 pm
i prefer my men tall, personally. however, i totally have to side with casey on this one. especially after that 5th picture. can we say HOTT?
August 25th, 2008 at 12:57 pm
LOVE it! This was hilarious!
August 25th, 2008 at 1:00 pm
Not to be a traitor to the height impaired, but my 5′4 (and 3/4″) self has to give it to Craig.
And what about the songs “Short People” by Randy Newman and “I Wish” by Skee-Lo (I wish I wish I was little bit taller, I wish I was a baller, I wish I had a girl who looked good, I would call her.)? Are there any songs about people who wish they were shorter? Don’t think so.
And Craig proves you can be tall and cuter than a bug’s ear. Although I don’t think there’s anything cuter than Shawn Johnson. She owns cute.
August 25th, 2008 at 1:06 pm
Michelle M.: “I wish I had a rabbit in a hat with a bat and a ‘64 Impala” BWAA! I’m going to be singing this all day! And I’m really annoyed that I didn’t load it onto my iTunes at work…
August 25th, 2008 at 1:16 pm
I’ll admit to a preference for taller folks, but there’s something sweet about kissing someone shorter than you. That being said, my bf is about my height
Also, jeez, I had no idea craig was so tall.
August 25th, 2008 at 1:29 pm
I vote for him.
I’m tall and it’s wonderful!
August 25th, 2008 at 1:32 pm
Cute as a button Casey wins hands down.. (says the 5′3 3/4 blogger chick)
August 25th, 2008 at 2:22 pm
Nicky: I know she put the Phelps photo up, I just think it hurt her case more than it helped.
Tam: well even in the world of heart-rendingly gorgeousness, there are degrees……
HUGS….
August 25th, 2008 at 2:30 pm
I have to go with Craig on this one. Being a tall 6′4″ gentleman myself, I have to say it’s wonderful. When you shop at normal people’s stores (because baby tees aren’t cute when they’re actually *for* babies), you pay the same price, but for MORE fabric. That’s a bargain in these uncertain economic times.
Just never go to Japan.
August 25th, 2008 at 2:39 pm
I’m pretty sure that there is nothing I enjoy more than your debates.
And tall totally wins. Yay Craig!
August 25th, 2008 at 2:40 pm
True Polt, true indeed.
August 25th, 2008 at 2:53 pm
I’m afraid the talls have this one
August 25th, 2008 at 3:14 pm
this is not going well.
August 25th, 2008 at 3:28 pm
Tall wins, I wish I was as tall as Craig, then I could dunk….
August 25th, 2008 at 3:29 pm
moosh in indy: I say the same thing to myself every day.
Hayden: The only thing I dunk is cookies.
August 25th, 2008 at 3:30 pm
Well done! The whole debate made me LOL especially “I can fit in a packed clown car and still have room to stretch out” and “So my height shouldn’t be a problem for all you violent shorties”. Very clever.
I’d have to call it a tie. Though considering how much shorter I am than your sister, I appreciate Casey’s case for us peabodies.
August 25th, 2008 at 3:40 pm
I’m 6′ tall as well…tall people rule.
However, Casey wins this debate because I have to vote for my fellow Hoosier!
Plus, the Phelps pick helped just a little. 
August 25th, 2008 at 3:44 pm
Tough call, I’m 5′4 I’m kinda hoping that Casey wins, but then again my little brother is 6′6 so I can side with Craig too
August 25th, 2008 at 4:04 pm
Hooray! A guest debate!
I’m going to vote for tall, because I can’t reach any of the top shelves in the kitchen or the living room or the upstairs or…… The top foot of each room is like a Land of Mystery.
August 25th, 2008 at 4:26 pm
Nicky: You need to get out more.
I dated a rather short fellow a few years ago and in the penis department? Well, I’m surprised he didn’t pass out from blood loss every time he got aroused.
August 25th, 2008 at 6:32 pm
There needs to be a counterbalance debate. The big man and little lady cliche cannot be ignored here. If you found a tall woman and a squatty man to have this debate….
As for tall awareness among bloggers, there is your fellow Yankee Roman Hans. He is 6′8″, with emphasis on the …..inches. He writes about his verical gift at least once a week.
And for the record, I am 6′5″. Of course the tall man wins this debate.
August 25th, 2008 at 7:32 pm
Dave S. – I’m talking to someone a lot and it seems like he might be my next. It’s easier to type “next bf” then explain. lol.
John – How so?
David – “get out” = “sleep around”? haha. Just playing. Yeah, I know you can’t generalize in ALL situations (I’m not that tall!) but I’m just saying that that’s how it’s been for me so far.
Maybe we all should post our height and p33n size so we can do an actual scientific survey?!
August 25th, 2008 at 8:47 pm
As a fellow shortie, I have to go with my girl Casey on this one. Being short rocks- b/c there’s always a tall guy willing to help a cute petite girl out with things that are out of her reach.
August 25th, 2008 at 8:53 pm
Nicky: You won’t date someone your height? Seems like you are discriminating against your own brethren.
August 25th, 2008 at 9:14 pm
gi-ants, gi-ants, gi-ants!!!! (coming from a tall girl) Although it does suck that the tallest guys always pick the shortest girls, leaving us tall girls with “average” leftovers.
August 25th, 2008 at 9:19 pm
Even though I am not tall, I have always wanted to be, and I love tall people – especially a different Craig who is 6′3″. So I have to go with Craig all the way on this one!
August 25th, 2008 at 10:38 pm
I’m short. 5′2″ and my hubby is 6′. I wouldn’t have it any other way.
August 26th, 2008 at 1:40 am
I’m 5′4″ but totally dig tall men. So I’m saying this was a draw. But Casey had the two best pics this go round, the one with the great ruby red slippers. And the pouting princess in the tiara. I loved the one of Craig and sis looking over fence.
I love the guest debates. And if I ever get a blog of my own, I am so challenging you!
August 26th, 2008 at 5:19 am
Dee Loralei: You don’t need a blog to do a Guest Debate! You’re more than welcome to send me some ideas you want to debate with me about!
August 26th, 2008 at 10:29 pm
My vote goes to the “towering hunk of man beef,” because I once flew through Texas and therefore must occasionally pound my chest and declare big things to be more American.
August 27th, 2008 at 12:27 am
Okay I love Casey, but I have to cast a vote for my tall peeps. At 5′10″ myself, my legs are as long as my 6′5″ husbands … gotta stay loyal, right? Casey, I envy your ability to wear stuff off the rack while I’m over here stapling rows of lace to my jeans so they don’t look like floods but I wouldn’t trade well fitting trousers for the ability to reach the tall cupboards over the fridge without assistance for anything! Go floods!
August 31st, 2008 at 12:10 pm
i’m a tall-ish (5′9″) girl, at least, taller than all the girls around me which makes me feel like a freak (except my giant friend who is 6′3″ and keeps me in check) so i’m all for tall! also, ain’t noting but a tall man that is going to even out my oft heel wearing (or maybe not so oft, but still, i NEED that option open!)
September 20th, 2008 at 5:46 am
As a 6′3 tall guy, short women aren’t cute. In fact, any women under 5′4 looks goofy, unattractive, stumpy.
I love those tall girls 5′7 and up with the long legs!
September 28th, 2008 at 2:49 pm
Yikes, being a short guy I guess I get the short end of the stick (so to speak). At least on airplanes I don’t ever complain about not having enough leg room.
And my partner and I are of similar height (he’s only a few inches taller), so that works out!