Anyone who knows me knows I hate talking about politics, which is why you’ll never see me talking about them (it?) on here. This post is a list of things I find irritating about politics and things I find wrong with both parties. Examples I use should in no way be interpreted as my personal viewpoint or endorsement. Try and keep your comments general in regards to what you don’t like about politics and not about a specific party. It’s just not how I roll. So here goes.
Here are some things that bug me about politics:
The Extremes: Are there no republicans or democrats anymore? Why is everyone conservative or liberal? I hate the idea that you’re not a proper republican or democrat unless you’re far conservative or liberal.
The Insults: Whenever politicians want to prove that they’re just like us they either go to a seedy bar and drink a shot of whiskey, or go buck hunting. Is that all us average Americans are into? Drinking and hunting? Don’t you find that a tad insulting? How about taking a break from the campaign to see The Dark Knight? I’d be impressed!
The Debating: Is anyone ever gonna be like: “Oh! That’s why you’re for abortion? I never thought of that before! I’m totally Pro-Choice now!” No. Not gonna happen. So how about everyone just shuts their traps?
The Cattiness: A few years ago I heard someone on the train say: “Yeah, I’m gonna go see Passion of the Christ because I’m curious, but I’m gonna buy a ticket for another movie because I don’t want to show it any support.” Um, what? Don’t be a dick. Oh, and did you know that “Obama Nation” is a play on the word “Abomination”? I just figured that out. I’m a little slow. Isn’t that the most ridiculous play on words ever?
The Hyperbole: “He scares the crap out of me!” Really? You know what scares me? People who punch kittens in the face. I’m pretty sure both candidates are really nice people. How about: “I really hope he doesn’t win.”
The Hypocrisy: “The children of the candidates are off limits!” Unless they’re pocket-sized and adorable and say cute things, or if they’re going off to fight in Iraq, or if they make good photo-ops.
The Definitions: I understand that by definition reporters are supposed to be impartial while commentators are allowed to be partial. But to me, anyone in the newspaper, or on the TV or radio giving me news is a reporter and shouldn’t be partial. You know what they say: “A rose by any other name would still have let go of Jack’s hand.” Or something.
The Life or Death Stakes: Oh my god! This is the most important election ever in the history of elections! Whoever wins, the world will implode upon itself just as the other party had tried to warn you about! Why didn’t you listen?! You bastard! Also, your life is so frakked up, that you need a new president to fix everything for you, which again goes back to the insulting aspect.
Okay fine, you want to know who I’m endorsing? I’m campaigning for a Michelle Obama/Sarah Palin co-president ticket, like some sort of Amazonian society that you’d see on episode of Star Trek. I bow down to our sassy overlords! And if they ever disagree on a topic, they can settle it with a bikini mud wrestling match. You say sexist, I say patriotic!
Now that is a mud wrestling match I’d like to see. You know Michelle thinks she has it in the bag, but she’s underestimating Palin.
I agree with most of what you said and will add, talk about real issues and let’s drop the noise that isn’t real. I don’t care what Obama’s middle name is or how many houses McCain owns. Where to they stand on real issues (energy, the economy and international relations – just to name a few) and what is their plan to deal with the issues?
I’m with you there. We are having an election too as of yesterday. Isn’t that coolio? *gag* We’ve had 3 federal elections in 4 years, oh the excitement. Now I will be forced to watch bad American political ads on the American channels and bad Canadian political ads on the Canadian channels. There is no escape, none! (me running screaming into the night) As someone who actually works for the government perhaps I should care more but its hard to care for all the reasons you stated.
As for liberal and conservatives, Those are our two main parties. The Liberals are …. um kind of liberal and the Conservatives are guess what? Yep conservative.
We also have the socialists, the separatists and the environmentalists.
Separatists? Led by Count Dooku?
I can buy into all of this except “The Hyperbole.” You SHOULD be afraid… be very afraid…
I hate the hypocrisy involved in choosing running mates. Both sides chose someone they thought would blunt criticism of them. I’m sick of the whole process.
Close Craig, led by Gilles Duceppe. (Dooku? Duceppe? hmmmmm…) They are a rare species of politican found only in Quebec and their sole reason for exisiting is to make Quebec its own country. Riiiight.
Maybe it’s something about people named David, but I too don’t think the hyperbole is not too far off the mark. This IS a very important election. Maybe not “implosion” level, but definitely “serious erosion of rights and protections that might take generations to rectify” level.
I also don’t like the extremes but those seem to be driven less by the actual candidates than by the powerful voting blocs that represent those views, and that the candidates feel must be appeased in order to win. If moderates were a powerful and organized force in the polls, candidates would cater to them more. So all you moderates, it’s up to you. Make it clear you are a force to be reckoned with.
You are *so* dead on. I’m proudly independent because I see both parties are largely full of both positives and utter bullshit (different from otter bullshit, which is much rarer. It’s just too damn hard to get a cow to eat an otter…)
Mark: You’re right on the VP thing. Each choice was based on marketing — particularly the one that’s pretty damn hot (a MILF VP — who knew?).
And I’m with you on the media, Craig. Totally don’t trust them. Even NPR, who I trust (somewhat) in other areas, I rarely trust in the political realm. I don’t watch national news on the subject of politics.
And I also agree that *everyone* — from the media to the candidates themselves — talk down to the voting public.
Now having said all that, I’m actually really excited about voting for someone. That’s a first for me. I always vote, but usually begrudgingly and for a candidate that I’m only lukewarm about. This year is different, and that’s damn cool. He’s not perfect (after all, he’s a politician for pete’s sake) and I disagree with him on several points, but I’m never going to back anyone 100%.
Great post, Craig!!! Good one to get back into the puntabulous groove after being away for more than a week.
Now, I gotta go find a bull. Anyone have an otter I can borrow? I’ll give it back when I’m done…
My opinion on hyperbole stems from the fact that a president can not possibly be sworn in, and then the next day we’ll suddenly have Gay Marriage or Roe vs Wade overturned. We still have Congress and the Courts. And yes, the President certainly influences these things, they in no means dominate them. That’s what I find frustrating about the whole MOST! IMPORTANT! ELECTION! EVER! business. Vastly important? Yes. Earth shattering? No.
Glad to see you back Dave. Now people are wondering why I’m choking on my coffee. Damn you.
Can’t help with the otter but I’m in a government town so we have bull coming out our ears now that the elections “officially” on.
I always vote even if I’m not thrilled with the choice, its more like “Who do I want to be my boss?” My daughter the little socialist always wants me to vote for them or the Green party. I just know I dislike the right wing homophobic guy who seems to win in my riding so I vote for whoever I think can beat him, no luck so far.
Craig: Agreed. Every election is important — the democratic process is part of what makes the U.S. so damn cool — but whoever wins, it’s not the end of the world. Nor the beginning of a new one, for that matter.
Well, as a political junkie, someone who has a B.A. in Political Science, who’s volunteered for a few campaigns, and who’s been into politics since he was in sixth grade, I think I’ll just say this was a nice post. Not that I disagree with all of it, but out of respect for Craiggers, I’ll say no more.
And it’s great to see you back, Dave S.!
HUGS…
As soon as I read Craig’s post, I immediately thought “How the hell is Polt going to respond to this?!?” Now we know. Or not.
Oh, and thanks for wanting me back, Tam & Polt. Of course if I comment too much today in a feeble attempt to make up for time lost, just slap me upside the head.
Or something that might hurt less would be good to.
I’m voting for Perot/Nadar.
I still wish we could have had a Clinton/Gore ticket – oh wait that already happened once in history didn’t it. Nevermind!
Good post. You are right, no matter what happens, nothing all that dramatic will result in any immediate sense.
That mud wrassling thing is sexist. I’ll go for it if we get to see Obama in a swimsuit competition.
1- Politics gives bloggers plenty to write about.
2- When two cars crash with bloody results, you can’t look at it and you cannot look away.
3- The system of
bribescampaign contributions is what is really putrid. The corporate media loves this mess, because they can sell overpriced commercials to the criminal candidates.4- With state and local governments, there is no limit to the fun. I would say something to you about New York politicians, but I am from Georgia.
5- Two wrongs don’t make a right.
6- There is equality. Black politicians are just as rotten as white politicians.
7- Just like amerikan politics, this comment is three items shy of a top ten list.
Interesting post, Craig. I hate politics with a passion, but try to keep up to date. I try to avoid all internet and TV election coverage and read what I’m interested in in my newspaper, that makes it somewhat bearable. It’s very difficult to yell at you from the pages of a newspaper. What I hate even more is politicians. They won’t tell you the time of day if it doesn’t benefit them, and I trust them so little that I wouldn’t believe them anyway.
Wow. Very funny but heavy for Monday. I’m one of those liberal extremists who feel that this election is a life or death issue
but I do agree with you about the cattiness, insults and hypocrisy in politics. What I hate most though is that I do care about it so much – it can put me in an incredibly depressed or angry mood at times. For example, right now I’d rather think about the new football season (GO GIANTS!) than read the latest polls.
I’m with Craig on the hyperbole issue. This election already is a historically significant election by virtue of the candidates on both sides, but end of the wold, no.
I’m also with Dave S. on the MILF VP candidate.
Well, I’m on the EXTREME opposite end of the spectrum from you, Craig. I love politics and almost everything about them. I respect the points you make, but I also think they’re a little exaggerated by rating-hungry media and impassioned people with a lot invested in candidates and parties.
Also, it’s quite likely that the next President will appoint as many as 3 (of 9) supreme court justices. Right now, the supreme court is fairly evenly divided 5/4 in favor of conservative-leaning judges. So there are some life-or-death stakes in this matter if you consider topics like gay marriage, abortion, civil rights, the death penalty, and more as life-or-death issues.
Finally – on the liberal/conservative (I prefer progressive over liberal) versus Democrat/Republican, this is part of the 30 year progression to brand the parties based on well-defined values. Our political parties didn’t always have such stark and obvious differences as they do now (on issues of policy, at least). But since the late 60s, think tanks and activists have been shaping comprehensive and consistent values to back a wide range of policy from foreign policy to economics to domestic welfare. So rather than selling moderate folks on a platform of reasonably argued positions, our parties try and sway voters based on emotional connection to general sets of values (i.e. self-determination, aggressive and strong defense, firm notion of good/evil morality = conservative; emphasize empathy for others, strong but reluctant use of force, open to fluid moral codes = progressive).
Okay, I’ll stop. Like I said, I love politics and nearly everything about them. I’m watching MSNBC even as I type this.
Just one more thing on the importance of the election issue: it has to do with whether we send more of our sons/daughters to fight/die in Iraq (or Iran) and whether we do something about Global Warming or not which is a life or death issue to the whole planet.
Sorry – couldn’t help myself. I’ll move on to the NFL site and see if there are highlights from yesterday’s games.
That last post was too heavy to leave. I do understand what you mean however about the President not being able to do anything about those issues by himself or get them done right away, which would make them seem less urgent. Now I’m REALLY DONE! Bye!
yes! totally agree with the hyperbole. its like everything is “the most important election ever” and every candidate is the most..irresponsible/extreme/horrible. like when madonna compared mccain to hitler. ok, i don’t particularly love mccain. but…hitler? really? can’t people disagree with policies without resorting to the hitler canard?
“The Muppets Take Washington”
CAST
McCain…………..Gonzo
Palin……………….Miss Piggy
Obama……………Kermit
Biden………………Scooter
Bush………………..Rizzo
Aren’t you glad I’m back?
I think it’s important to separate politics from the media circus that surrounds politics. Politics ARE important to the vitality of our democratic system…countries that don’t have politics? Welcome to your totalitarian regime. I agree that the media circus gets sickening, but blame the media, not the political system.
Also, I completely agree with Jerekeys and Michelle. If you don’t believe in the importance of any election, ask any family who has lost a loved one in an unwinnable war because of the outcome of the last election. Ask somebody who has lost their house or job in this bullshit economy due to the outcome of the last election. EVERY election matters…some more than others. Claiming to have removed oneself from the political process because “I hate politics” is just plain lazy.
Sorry, Craig. I’m still a big fan, but you hit on a sore spot with me.
Dave S: Your enthusiasm was certainly missed. Comment numbers from last week can certainly attest to that. Poor Super Viagra and Vagina Girl have never felt so sorry for themselves. They’re currently wallowing in red wine and Celine Dion.
Really? I see Miss Piggy playing Michell Obama and Prairie Dawn as Palin. Of course, she’ll need a dye job and really work her acting chops.
Very Dave.
Otherwise I’d have to read the paper “Global Trends Threaten Rapid Decline of Canada’s ICT Advanced Technology Sector” that has been calling my name but I’m trying to distract myself and ignore it.
Tracy: I don’t think Craig was talking about the removal of oneself from the process, but rather seeing it for what it is or, at the very least, comparing it to what it should be. You have to admit, the way the system works now is nothing like our founding fathers intended.
Totally forgot:
Mrs. McCain…………..Camilla
Craig: Of course, half of those are my own…
David/Jerekeys/Michelle/Polt/Tracy: As with all my posts, this was intended to be a light-hearted jab at the political campaign process, and I apologize if anyone took it as anything else.
I listened to every single one of the speeches from both conventions, will listen to the debates and intend on making an informed decision in November that I plan on keeping to myself.
Please don’t mistake my attitude towards the political process as indifference. I certainly appreciate everyone’s passion about the topic and didn’t mean to offend or belittle people’s concerns or ideas.
I don’t know if you were trying to be funny (in which case you missed the mark), catty (in which case your aim was all over the place), or both, but all I will say is that you will get the politician you deserve.
I read this post as a serious topic (there are things that are annoying about politics) posted in a lighthearted way. And personally, what I would add to the list are:
Campaign flyers. I have yet to receive one in the mail that has actually changed my opinion about something.
Those annoying phone calls where even when you hang up they tie up the line for a brief period of time afterwards. Again, never have they changed my mind.
I am, however, in favor of those “I voted today!” stickers.
I grew up in California and still really miss the election packets they used to send out to the Uninformed Voter. Sure they cost a lot of money and there were like 53 propositions on each ballot, but you got a clear Pro argument (plus rebuttal) and Con argument (plus rebuttal). Now it takes, like, a little bit of work. (How lazy is that? OK, pretty lazy.)
I’m finding this election exciting because both tickets have something groundbreaking. I was surprised at how excited I was that even if the party I want to win loses, there’s still a significant first in the White House.
(actually, I thought it was funny, catty, *and* a subversively brilliant commentary on the political process we have to endure…) (he said sheepishly cowering in the shadows…)
When I minimize the tab on this page it reads “Why I Hate Poli…” and I keep thinking it says “Why I Hate Polt…”
Just thought I’d share that important and intriguing piece of vital information.
Cheney…………..Swedish Chef
I agree. I’m over it.
sassy overlords made me laugh so hard I spit water on my keyboard.
Ξ_Heather: I hate those phone calls when you try and pick up the phone afterwards and its dead. Very frustrating. And the back seat of my car (oh baby!) is littered with campaign flyers.
Dave S: Thanks for the support. But I think this is the last time I’ll bring up politics around here. Especially after comments like Scott’s.
Jobama: Tell your keyboard I’m sorry.
Dave S. I disagree:
W = Swedish Chef;
Cheney = Animal
Don’t cower Dave. I’m with you. I think working in gov’t I’ve given up taking it too seriously. Yeah, I’m cyncial. A good side order of snark makes politics liveable otherwise it just gets too damn depressing for words.
Berndt might be on with the Cheney = Animal analogy. Although it forever cures me of my muppet crush on Animal.
Doh! Totally bested by Bernd!
What have you done?! I’m melting! Meeellllttinnggg….
Janet Reno = Sam the Eagle
Ah, Craig, I didn’t think you were putting anyone down, but I do find it frustrating when people are overly cynical about politics. I think cynicism breeds apathy which leads to uninformed voting which leads to Presidents who get elected because people think they’ be fun to have a beer with.
See, you’re right on some points (I don’t drink beer or hunt in my spare time either), and I know every election they come up with a “the most important election of our lifetime” to get the base to vote. And I definitely am sick of impartial news anchors. I feel more comfortable with Fox News than with CNN, because at least the Fox people stopped pretending. The CNN idea of impartial news is that one side says 1+1=2, the other says it’s 3, and then the anchor says, “What an interesting debate we have here.” No. It’s your job to come up with a calculator, Wolf. Or in the case of Fox, come up with a biblical quote that proves the answer is indeed 3.
But I disagree on some things.
First, every person thinks he’s a moderate. I think I’m a moderate, but I also think Republicans are fascists and racists, and I think people that demonstrate with big puppets are idiots. I’m sure Republicans think they’re moderate compared to extremists like me, though.
And it is a matter of life and death. Probably not for me and for you, but thousands of people died because Bush was elected.
Personally, I think Bushie and Cheney are more like Statler and Waldorf, the two old guys in the balcony bitching about everything….except they’re not funny like the puppets.
I hate to admit it, but the Janet Reno-Sam the Eagle thing had me laughing my ass off. it’s so…right!
I took this as a light hearted post, that’s why I didn’t really express any serious comments about it.
And Dave S., quit shrinking it down…nobody wants anything that reads that, right?
HUGS…
Dave S., Craig, et. al. – I don’t think you guys could have been more dead-on with the Muppet analogies!!! But what about Fozzie Bear, Dr. Benson Honeydew and Beaker? Any ideas?
Wow, I have to say that I think everyone is getting way too excited here. I believe in the political process and the right to vote, carry guns and f my neighbor if I want to but this is puntabulous and I believe Criag posted this as a light-hearted attempt at a Monday conversation, not an attempt at a make a statement-I-am-pissed-off-at goverment-unabomber rant…(by the way i don’t carry guns unless you are talking about the cannon in my pants… but I don’t think the gov has the right to tell me what to do and that means wearing a goddamn seatbelt or smoking in the corner of my local tavern…)Let’s all relax a little, it is only Sept, it’s not like you are going to have to wear a burkha and swear your allegiance to Jeff The Neck! if your canidate loses…
On a lighter note, welcome back Dave S…
If it weren’t for the politicking (although, not in the US I’ll admit) I’d be out of a job! x
Yay! Another Titanic reference!!!!
E>Kate Winslet E>