Turns out the world’s first joke was a fart joke dating back to 1900 BC. An ancient Sumerian (of Sumer, located in southern Mesopotamia, now Iraq) proverb goes: “Something which has never occurred since time immemorial; a young woman did not fart in her husband’s lap.” Um, I don’t get it. Farting on someone else’s lap? Kinda funny I guess. Farting on someone else’s pillow? Hysterical. Star Wars fart jokes? Abysmal. But there you have it. The world’s oldest joke.
Teach me something new or tell me your favorite bad joke.
While doing a vasectomy, the doctor slipped and cut off one of the man’s balls. To avoid a huge malpractice suit, he decided to replace the missing ball with a small onion.
Several weeks later, the patient returned for a checkup. “How’s your sex life?” the doctor asked. “Pretty good, but I’ve had some strange side effects.” “Like what?” the doctor asked anxiously. “Well, every time I piss my eyes water. When my wife gives me a blow job she gets heartburn. And every time I pass a Wendy’s, I get a hard-on.”
Two gay guys Bruce and Tom where having sex in the bedroom. Tom was on top and orgasimed first. He then traded positions with Bruce so he could cum as well. Just then the phone rang, so they stopped what they were doing and Tom got up to answer the phone on the condition that Bruce did not orgasm while he was away. Bruce promised. Tom answered the phone and upon entering the bedroom again he noticed that there was cum all over the walls and all over the bed. “Bruce, you promised.” said Tom to which Bruce replied, “Don’t worry, I just farted.”
ExAstrisScientia: That was disgusting. Hilarious. But disgusting. I LOLed at work again.
Two dwarfs go into a bar, where they pick up two prostitutes and take them to their separate hotel rooms.
The first dwarf, however, is unable to get a stiffy. His depression is enhanced by the fact that, from the next room, he hears cries of, “ONE, TWO, THREE…UUUUH!” all night long.
In the morning, the second dwarf asks the first, “How did it go?”
The first whispered back, “It was so embarrassing. I just couldn’t get a hard on.”
The second dwarf shook his head. “You think that’s embarrassing?!!” he asked. “I couldn’t even get on the bed!!!”
ExAstrisScientia, that was supposed to be between the three of us! You promised! We aren’t inviting you over again! See you Friday night, right? :0
yes, yes, I already picked up the case of paper towels, see you guys Friday
ExAstrisScientia: That second one made me spit take!
Michelle M.: Awesome!
A man walks into a bar, orders two shots, downs one then pours the other over his left hand. He proceeds to repeat this for 3 more sets of shots. Finally, the bartender stops and says to him: “Buddy, I’m confused. You keep drinking one shot but pour the other over your hand. What’s the deal?”
Damn…..it posted for some reason.
Punchline: The man looks at the bartender and says: “I’m trying to get my date drunk.”
So these two peanuts are walking through Central Park, and one of them is assaulted.
Cute FDot.
How many Luddites does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
How many?
I would guess the answer is Zero, they’d rather have a torch.
I guess I’d intended the question to be the punchline as well. (Think of it as a not-tasteless version of “How many Arturians does it take to screw in a lightbulb?”)
[Arturian = multiple amputee] If you haven’t read it, you’ve GOT to read “Geek Love” by Katherine Dunn.
Oh, I got it now. Sorry TwoPi. I should have wikipedia-ed Luddite BEFORE asking how many.
My favorite is the octopus joke!!!! Also, I love a good fart joke, or just farting in general (unless it comes from my husband in bed). I’m a 36-yr-old wife and mother and nothing makes me laugh harder than Terrance and Phillip. Although Craig, I don’t really get your fart joke….
A bus load of blacks crashed one night on the highway. They all went to heaven, but when they got to the pearly gates they were told they had to wait. The gate keeper had to go ask god what he was suppose to do, he’s never had a black at the gates before.
God said, “well if they are here let em in”. A little while later the gate keeper came back and god asked “how did it go?”. The gate keeper said “I don’t know, when I got back they were gone.” God asked “The blacks?” The gate Keeper stated. “No, the pearly gates!”
Haha, ok bad I know. But I still find it funny.