Puntabulous

Hope you guys have a great Halloween! Stay safe and send me all your Reeses! In honor of Halloween, tell me what the scariest movie you’ve ever seen is! Mine is Event Horizon. It’s such a dumb movie (as if being directed by Paul W.S. Anderson of Mortal Kombat and Alien vs. Predator fame didn’t tip you off) but it still manages to scare the crap out of me. I’ve seen it once and I refuse to watch it ever again. I couldn’t even be in the same room when my friends watched it in college because just hearing it reminded me of how scary it was. “Where we’re going, we won’t need eyes!” EEK!

Okay, so remember way back when I watched The Dark Crystal for the first time? No? Oh. Well I did. It was also during the phase where I inserted (this time quite literally) myself into movies via MSPaint. I was on a mission to watch all the 80’s fantasy movies I missed out on in my childhood. Anyway, I can finally say that I saw the following movies!

Netflix #48 - Labyrinth - Jennifer and ctina

While I love seeing Jim Henson creations in action, I wasn’t too impressed with anything else this movie had to offer. I thought the best moments of the movie were when the muppets were front and center doing muppety things. I loved the giants scaredy cat Ludo and courageous Didymus, who were by far my favorite parts. But the story was pretty meh and Jennifer Connelly kinda got on my nerves. David Bowie was fun, but the musical numbers were just kinda out of place. So it was fun, but mainly because anything with muppets is fun. Except Muppet Treasure Island.

Netflix #49 - Legend - JoeG

This one was definitely the most well made of the 80’s fantasy movies, and I suspect it had the largest budget. And did you know it was directed by Ridley Scott? Yeah, me neither. Anyway, the special effects, costumes, and set design were all extremely well done, but I thought the story was completely lacking. It was a pretty generic fantasy where the bad guy (who was awesome by the way) wanted to take over the world, and for some reason that always seems to include marrying a fair princess. Couldn’t he focus his energy on conquering the world first, then worry about getting jiggy with it? And Tom Cruise was a pretty bland hero, with little else beyond a pretty face, which isn’t as pretty these days when you know how crazy with a capital K he is. All in all, I enjoyed it, but more because of the design of it rather than the story itself.

So which is the best 80’s fantasy movie?

Now that I’ve seen The Neverending Story, Willow, The Dark Crystal, Legend, and Labyrinth. I can officially state that The Neverending Story is by far the best 80’s fantasy movie. I just think it has the best story and characters (Falcor! Atreyu! Artex!), and I love the theme of children’s imagination being all powerful. I even watched it again after watching Labyrinth and Legend just to make sure I wasn’t giving it more credit than it deserves, and no, I wasn’t. It is pure awesome.

The King of the unicorns fell in love.
But not with another unicorn.
With a simple, everyday horse.
And the other unicorns scoffed,
As he tried to make her their Queen.
His Lieutenant banished him from the tribe.
“This is an abomination!” he cried.
And together they fled into the woods.
On the night she gave birth to their son,
He comforted her with stories of Unicorn lore.
Of the winged Equine Lord.
Who it was told would be born from love and sacrifice.
“Our love will bring him into this world,
And the sacrifice of my Kingship will make him above all.”
But when their son was born, there were no wings.
And no horn.
He was but a simple horse like his mother.
Plain yet beautiful.
But the woods were no place for a foal,
Especially one with no magic to protect him.
So they brought him to the unicorn tribe,
And begged them to take care of him.
The once Lieutenant then King agreed and hissed:
“Be grateful he doesn’t have a horn!”
The mother did not understand.
However the father knew just what he meant.
For if a horse was born of less than pure unicorn blood,
Yet bore a horn, it would be considered a “false horn”.
And the foal would be put to death.
Together, weeping, they fled back into the woods.
As the years passed by,
The child knew nothing of his true family.
All he knew was cruelty and hate.
No one would tell him why he looked different.
But he knew that it was the reason for their scorn.
By the time the child grew to be a Colt,
A Usurper was seizing the world in its hateful grasp.
All good creatures of the world united together.
And on the grassy plains, they fought as one.
Unwanted and thought useless the Colt followed the unicorns into battle.
As this was his world too, and he intended to fight.
And when a minion of the Usurper loosed an arrow upon the unicorn King,
The Colt intervened and took the arrow upon himself.
He fell to the Earth but smiled into the face of Death.
Because even when surrounded by such cruelty,
He knew nothing but love.
And the moment he died, his true parents arrived.
Though seeing him for the first time since his birth,
They fell upon the ground weary from battle and heartbreak,
Knowing that he was their son.
Even the unicorn King finally felt remorse for his wickedness.
All around them the battle raged on.
But the small group remained still in their sadness.
While the air was calm, the hair of the Colt began to flutter.
Like tall grass in the wind.
And to their astonishment the Colt lifted himself up.
Nearly twice as large as before, and gleaming as though carved from pearl.
He shook his body like a dog out of a lake.
And he spread his wings to reveal his true form.
For his love and sacrifice made him what he was.
The winged Equine Lord.
He rose up into the sky, mighty and wise.
But still with that Coltish smile he cried:
“The battle is far from over, my friends!”
And together they charged.

Robin introduced me to this song back in college and it has grown to be one of my most favorite songs ever:

There’s a much better quality studio version out there, but it’s not on iTunes or YouTube, so you’ll have to use some unconventional means to get it. Or maybe if you e-mail me and ask nicely I can send it to you.

I’ve asked this question before, but that was back when I only had about two readers, so I feel that I should be allowed to reuse posts now that I have approximately twelve. Recycling! Making the blogging world Greener one post at a time! Anyway, I saw a man wearing a winter coat on my way to work this morning and it made me think. I’m curious if a straight man can wear a winter coat with fur trim, even if it’s just a trim around the hood. Personally, I think any fur on a coat is murder unless its fake gayer than butt sex, but (LOL!) I’m curious to see what you guys think. Does a coat with fur trim — no matter how minimal — make him gay?

That’s right! Nephew and Godson extraordinaire Matthew Charles:

No, you may not lick the frosting out from between his fingers.

Now that I got that filthy bit of cockitude out of my system, I can return to being Craig: the affable eunuch who travels the world on his magical flying sitar, spreading fairy dust, playing his magical flute, and never mentioning the word cock ever again. That is, until the next time I mention the word cock. (Thanks GoKitty!)

Today you’ll find a glorious post by yours truly over at Avitable. It’s been suggested that I’ve become a bit family friendy as of late (I don’t know why anyone would ever suggest that!) so I took the opportunity away from my blog to loosen up a bit and let my freak flag fly. There’s some not so nice language over there so prepare yourself! And no one tell my Mom!

Oh, I’m unable to access his site at work, so I can’t comment over there just yet. But I want you to focus all your comment pizzazz (of which there is plenty!) at Avitable’s site, and I’ll join in the conversation later today!

Alright, so I started a Facebook group called The Argyle Lounge that I think you should join. Don’t worry, I’m not going to start sending out messages every time I update. I just think it would be a nice place for fans of this blog to meet “face to face” and build on the friendships you guys have already developed with each other thus far. There’s a message board there so you can start topics inspired by posts here, or about movies, television shows, books, or anything else your heart desires. So CLICK HERE to join the group or just do a Facebook search for “The Argyle Lounge - Puntabulous” and you’ll find it. If you’re not on Facebook, start an account already! All the cool kids are doing it.

So we all pretend to hate being tagged, but we secretly love it because BAM! instant blog topic. And I had the luck of being tagged twice in one week. First I got tagged by Himbo over at Confessions of a Fantabulous Himbo and I’m supposed to list six non-important things/habits/quirks about myself:

1. I’m allergic to red food coloring. I can handle red M&Ms, but red drinks, and too many of those marchiano cherries send me over the edge. I told you red was the worst color.

2. Even though I have a full-sized big boy bed , I only sleep on one side of the bed, as if it were a twin.

3. My favorite dinosaur is the Tyrannosaurus Rex, but sometimes I say it’s the Parasaurolophus, just so I can show off my knowledge of dinosaurs, plus it’s fun to say.

4. I hate when people push the close door button in elevators. They never work people! They’re just for show!

5. I get unreasonably nervous on the subway if it’s about to start moving and I see a wobbly-legged tourist heading to an empty seat to sit down. I yell at the top of my lungs (in my head): “Quick! Sit down! Sit down! Sit down!”. Because if they don’t sit down, they’ll fall over when the subway starts. And I may or may not know how embarrassing that can be.

6. When I play board games I like to be the blue piece. In Monopoly, I like to be the dog. In Clue, I like to be Colonel Mustard (though when I was little, being the youngest meant picking last and I usually had to be Mrs. White). Which pieces do you guys like to be?

Then I got tagged by Sam over at Sam.I.Am. and I’m supposed to list five of my addictions:

1. Star Wars Expanded Universe novels. I bought so many that I still haven’t read, but I buy them all anyway. The new one comes out today! I’ll be going out on my lunch break to pick it up.

2. I love looking up real estate. I can sit in front of the computer for hours just looking at apartments, condos, and houses. Even ones that I could never afford in a million years. It’s just nice to dream.

3. I’ve been addicted to Juliet’s blog Evolving Revolver lately. You remember her from my Oprah vs Martha Stewart debate, right? Well she’s currently living in France and her stories make me happy.

4. THIS.

5. Argyle. How could I leave this off the list? I have just about every color combination imaginable, but I’ve already bought three new ones at Target last weekend and two zipper ups from Kohls, and it’s not even November yet.

Alright, so I’m not going to tag anyone, but if you have a blog, and you think this looks like fun, you’re welcome to tag yourselves in the comment section.

Seeing as though I haven’t been on a date since January, I’ve decided to try my hand at online dating again. In my experience with them, I’ve found that even the bad ones aren’t so bad, and if they’re really bad, then at least you have good stories to tell friends. Like that time I went on a date with someone who told me beforehand that he wore hearing aids, and it turned out he was deaf. Which is fine, just surprising because for some reason I didn’t connect “hearing aids” with “deaf”. Call me dense, but I just need things to be spelled out for me a little clearer.

But that date taught me the importance of talking to the people I’m meeting over the phone (or TDD) first, which led to the time I talked to the master xylophone (he called it a marimba, but seriously, it’s just a big xylophone) player over the phone and he told me to (and I quote): “Talk to me like I’m your boyfriend.” Um, what? Didn’t end up going on that date. So thank you deaf guy, for teaching me that valuable lesson and helping me not go on a date with creepy xylophone guy and getting chopped to bits and thrown into the ocean.

Oh, but online dating isn’t all bad. I had my first kiss (male or female) on an online date. Did I mention I was a sophmore in college and nineteen at the time? What can I say? I was a late bloomer! His name was Artie, and starting up the whole online dating process again made me think of him so I looked him up on Facebook and added him as a friend. He probably has no idea who I am, and is gonna be all like WTF? But while I’m sure I was just another guy he went on a date with, he was my first kiss, and who doesn’t remember their first kiss?

Anyway, on this new online dating venture of mine, I’ve enlisted the help of the master of seduction himself: Dr. Phil. That’s correct, I’ve joined Match.com. And by “joined” don’t think I mean “subscribed”, because that would insinuate that I actually paid for my membership, but I did not. I’m on the free plan where you can only wink at people, rather than sending them messages. But the way I see it, my screenname on their is Puntabulous, and if we wink at each other, shouldn’t they just google “Puntablous”, find my blog, find my email, and then email me there? I know that’s what I would do. And if they’re not smart enough to figure that out, then perhaps I wouldn’t want to date them anyway. Unless they do google “Puntabulous”, find my blog, realize what a giant turd-burger I am, and join a nunnery. Then I’m screwed. Wish me luck!

So tell me some of your online dating stories! Or about your first kiss!