I’m still on the online dating scene. No, I haven’t gone on any dates yet, but there are a few possibilities. Don’t worry, as soon as I go on a date, you’ll be the first to know. But looking through profiles got me thinking of what kind of person I’m looking for, and what characteristics would lead to an automatic deal breaker. Here are some real (and hypothetical) ones I’ve come across online and previously in real life:
Read Actual Books. Oh dear lord, do not list magazines in the “favorite books” portion of your online profile. I’m not saying you have to be a book worm, but it would be nice if you’ve read at least one book in the past year. Or at least brought a book with you on your last vacation, even if you never got around to actually reading it.
Have Pictures. This one is strictly an online profile pet peeve. But seriously, have pictures. Having to ask for them is awkward and makes me feel more superficial than I really am. In order to avoid that unpleasantness, if you message me and you don’t have pictures, I will just ignore you, which somehow makes me not feel as superficial.
Smokers. We all have our vices, and yeah, that Big Mac isn’t doing me any favors, but smoking is just lame. And I don’t care how much gum you chew afterwards, I can still taste it on you. Gross.
Weird Collectibles. Okay, let’s say you go on a date. Everything goes wonderfully. Afterwards he invites you in for a drink. No hanky panky! You have your well prepared drink in hand while he shows you around his beautiful place. And then he shows you the display cabinet with his Precious Moments collectible statues collection, where you quickly count over a hundred creepily cutesy big-eyed kids reenacting every possible life experience before your very eyes. Oh, and he tells you there are more in boxes in the garage, but he ran out of room in the display cabinet. And then there’s more in the bedroom, which you only saw on the tour, and not because you broke your no hanky panky rule. And yes, you have a 20th Anniversary Optimus Prime figure, which you cherish, but it’s in your closet (out of the box!) and only occasionally played with. Baseball cards? Comic books? Sure, I can handle it. But some things are just not meant to be collected by normal people.
Be Well Groomed. Short, clean fingernails are well appreciated.
But Not Over-Groomed. Don’t have girl eyebrows. Thanks.
College Education. This one’s a bit dicey. There are a lot of reasons why people didn’t or can’t go to college. Not everyone has the support in their lives to make it an expected next step after high school. But I think it’s the aspirations that matter most. If they didn’t go because they had to get a job right out of high school due to financial or other issues, but they’ve always planned on going back at some point, that’s one thing. But if they went for a semester and dropped out because a professor was giving them too much homework, and they don’t plan on ever going back, then that’s another.
Doesn’t have a driver’s license. This is a random one, but can you date someone who doesn’t — and will never — drive? I guess it’s a different thing if you live in the city, but I’m a suburbs kinda guy. I tried the city for a year and detested it, with a large part having to do with relying on unreliable public transportation. Being able to drive myself around is essential to my life. And sure, picking someone up to go on a date certainly isn’t a disaster. But always having to be the driver? What about years from now when we’re married? I can’t always be the driver. Going on long car trips and not being able to tag out when you get tired? That just sounds rough, especially for me who hates driving for long periods of time. And what if we’re home alone and I have a heart attack and needed to get to the hospital? They can’t drive me there! I’d die! I know a few older couples where one of the partners doesn’t drive and they make it work. I just don’t know if I can.
Different Job Schedules. I leave the house at 5, work 7 to 5, and get home at 7 every Monday through Friday. I’m sorry you had that day off, but after a long day of work, I don’t want to hang out with you. I want to get into my pajamas and watch TV. And no, I don’t want to meet up at 11 on Saturday night after you get off from work either.
Lives with his Parents. Okay fine, so we’re not all perfect. I’m twenty-seven and I still live with my parents. It’s not that I can’t live on my own, it’s just that I choose not to right now. I’d rather save up for a house rather than rent at the moment, thank you very much. I always get one of two reactions when I tell people I still live at home. It’s either 1) Passive Aggressive Disgust “Does your mom still make your lunch? LOL!” 2) Envy “Oh you’re so lucky! I would totally still live with my parents if I could.” What about you? Is it a deal breaker if they still live at home?
There we have it. Writing out this list makes me feel like a conceited bastard, but I don’t think anything here is too outrageous to expect in a date. And keep in mind this list doesn’t take into account the x-factor, the butterflies in the stomach, or any of those other dreaded swoon-inducing qualities that make you go “dang!”
So what are your dating deal breakers?
Tam: I didn’t know that either! Here are the urban-definitions of Craig. They are kind of amazing!
1. Being lazy without intentions of doing anything
2. SEXY AS HELL
3. The codename for the act of smoking marijuana; used primarily in public places
4. Key part of a phrase used by one married or otherwise involved person to ascertain the willingness of another such person to engage in extramarital affairs. Answering this question in the affirmative generally indicates not only a willingness to fool around, but also a sexual desire for the person posing the question. This question can be readily posed to someone in most situations. The use of “Craig†is an allusion to craigslist where these relationships are sought on a regular basis.
5. A used condom.
6. AKA “Creeper Craig”. An up and coming alcoholic who is considered to be the perfect wingman. Will take any female who another male will not touch with a ten foot pole just so he can get his dick wet.
7. For a gay man to violently sodomize another man in a men’s restroom.
Well Craig, #2 seems to be pretty accurate, perhaps with a touch of #1.
And number 3 does too….I mean as toni braxton says, “Oh i get so high when I’m around you BABY.”
Oh you guys sure know how to make a man feel good! What about 7? Maybe that’s a reference to Larry Craig???
I was going to say…..it reminds me of our first date?
It’ll be great to tell the grandkids how we met.
You guys are sick, seriously. LOL (That’s why I love you by the way.)
should I add a t to my name?
“Berndt is the ultimate being. Although no-one knows anything about him except his mysterious name.”
But that would probably get boring pretty fast.
Bernd: Ultimate being? How cool is that. I’m jealous. I’m just psychopathic.
Well according to urban dictionary I’m “outgoing,happy,loud,fun,down to earth But: can be bitchy,rude,ignorant” and use household objects in unusual ways.
Dating deal-breakers — presumably dating at all would be a deal-breaker at this point, but thinking back to my theoretically dating days (I don’t think I ever dated anyone; it was easier to just jump into a long-term relationship. Though TwoPi and I did go out once early on and it was so awkward that it must have been a date.). For me, knowing my own neuroses, the only absolute deal-breaker would have been drugs. Oh, and being a not-nice person. There’s other stuff that doesn’t matter in friends but would have required negotiation for a relationship (stuff like having a driver’s license would fall into that category).
Smoking is a big turn off for me as well. It seems to me to be an indicator of poor judgment and susceptibility to peer pressure. I also just hate the smell of cigarettes.
I like intelligent men. However, having one or more college degrees is not necessarily an indicator of intelligence, sometimes it can just lead to overconfidence. I don’t use a college degree as screening criteria. I prefer to make my own assessment. It would also be hypocritical since I am an autodidact.
I find an appropriate level of ambition attractive. If someone is stuck in a dead end job with no aspiration toward improving their situation then that is a big turn-off.
A big age difference could put me off wanting to date someone. I would prefer to be in a relationship with someone who is in the same stage of life as me.
Untreated mental illness, drug abuse, and criminal behavior would be deal breakers for me. I am also not interested in jerks.
A lack of initial attraction can be a deal breaker for me. I probably should give people more of a first chance. I am still new to the dating scene so I don’t have much experience. I think that I may worry too much about avoiding bad relationships than being open to a relationship.
The first guy I fell for was pretty amazing. I just want to feel like I did about him. I was swept away in a river of attraction. I don’t want to settle for less.
Craig, you inspired me to write my own post about my dating deal breakers. Well done!
Glad I could help! I’ll have to save my comment for when I’m home later and can get on your site! Damn company firewall.
Wow Craig. I agree with you ONE HUNDRED PERCENT on this list.
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Apologies for the late comment but I’m only just catching up with my Google reader after moving to Australia (I’m sure you weren’t waiting for me to pop up, but it’s nice to be polite).
Anyway, having listed all these things you know that you will end up with someone who is all of those. My mother always said she would never marry a civil servant called William or move back to Ireland. Totally happened. I always said I would never go out with an accountant or anyone with less hair than me and now I live down under with the very same.
Perhaps this says more about my family than your predicament. Ho hum.