This stuff only happens to me.

So yesterday, on the train ride home from work, I was going through everyone’s Facebook statuses like I normally do and came across this one from Justin:

Justin said goodbye to Zelda today.

Now me, assuming that Zelda was a friend who was in town for the holidays, and being the extremely clever bunny that I am, decided to leave a comment in reply:

Craig at 5:26pm December 30
Did Ganon kidnap her again?

LOL! Aren’t I just sooooo clever? If you don’t know, Ganon was the villain in The Legend of Zelda video game who kidnapped Zelda and had to be defeated by the main character Link. So I was extremely pleased with myself and my random pop culture knowledge. That is, until I got an email saying that there was a followup comment to Justin’s status:

Clare at 5:42pm December 30
So sorry Justin. My condolences. Did you take her to the vet?

And then another:

Jason at 5:49pm December 30
sorry to hear that Justin…

Why are these people giving their condolences rather than LOLing at my spectacularly awesome joke, you ask? Because it turns out that Zelda wasn’t a friend who was in town after all, she was Justin’s cat who has been suffering for a while and needed to be put down.

It’s true folks! I enjoy making completely inappropriate jokes about poor defenseless cats. I’m an asshole like that! Naturally I apologized right away and Justin couldn’t have been nicer about it. So I’m here to give a proper goodbye to Zelda. Justin sent me a picture and she is gorgeous. Here’s to you Zelda! If Ganon had actually kidnapped you, I would have battled all the goblins of Hyrule to save you. Sleep well, dear kitten.

Jason and the Argonauts and Miss Pettigrew Lives for a Day – Reviews

Netflix #53 – Jason and the Argonauts – Suggested by no one

Whenever you hear a professional talking about stop motion special effects or even just special effects in general, nine times out of ten, they will mention the scene in Jason and the Argonauts where they battle the skeletons. I had seen bits and pieces of that scene hundreds of times over the years, but had never seen it in its entirety, nor the movie it is part of. So I finally decided to watch it, and I did, and it was awesome.

Ray Harryhausen is a genius. Seriously, how did they do that? I think I prefer fake looking models rather than fake looking computer animation, which seems too common these days when filmmakers want to take shortcuts and overuse computerized special effects. Oh, I suppose I should tell you about the movie, huh? It was just as you’d expect. Cheesy in that oh-so-awesome way. The story was a pretty standard retelling of the Golden Fleece mythology, with loads of fun Ray Harryhausen battles mixed in. The ending was a bit abrupt and didn’t really wrap up anything, but it was loads of fun anyway. If you liked Clash of the Titans, I would definitely give this a shot!

Netflix #54 – Miss Pettigrew Lives for a Day – Suggested by digkv and The Infamous Dr. Para

I wasn’t exactly sure what to expect from this movie. It’s a period piece, but it’s a comedy? Odd. It took me a little while to get the feel of the film, but once I did I fell completely in love. It was so good! Amy Adams (from Enchanted) was genius, as was Frances McDormand, but Amy totally stole the show, I mean movie. Frances plays an out-of-work nanny who wrangles her way into working as the “social secretary” for Amy’s flighty character who has three men she has to choose between. As the title suggests, they spend the day together and both help each other out in gloriously predictable but wonderful ways. It’s one of those movies where you know what’s going to happen, and you really want it to happen, but you still hold your breath because you love it so much that you don’t want them to mess it up, and when it ends the way you predicted (and wanted!) you breathe a sigh of relief and shout for joy because it was just that good! And Lee Pace is in it! I definitely recommend this one!

Keep your recommendations coming!

Christmas is Wrapped Up

Okay, I promise this will be the last time I mention Christmas around here until the next time I mention Christmas for a very long time. But in my ongoing efforts to completely humiliate myself via the internet, I have to present you with our Christmas pictures. Now if you live in a household where Christmas is celebrated, you know how atrocious Christmas pictures can be. In fact, anytime during the year when a photo is taken and we look a bit (how shall I say?) unsavory, one of us will undoubtedly say “Ugh, Christmas morning picture.” because it has become a codeword for any picture where we look horrendous. But luckily for you, we have lots of adorable kids in our family, so I’ll try and keep them in as many as I can.

First we have my nieces Emily and Jillian down in Atlanta who used their genius noggins to make Santa’s sleigh out of a rocking horse and a futon:

Here’s Emily on Christmas morning standing in front of the tree:

Jillian on Christmas morning. I love their matching pajamas!

Jillian very thoroughly examining the contents of her stocking:

Me and Amanda hanging our new ornament, a cruise ship, to celebrate the cruise to Bermuda we went on over the Summer:

Me, going to my company Christmas party. I don’t know why my eyes look wonky. They didn’t look that way until the end of the Christmas party.

Amanda and Ralphie by the tree over at her house on Christmas Eve. Check out that argyle!

Amanda, Ralphie, Mom, and Dad:

Amanda got a shirt that said: “Wine improves with age. I improve with wine.” which is debatable.

My cousin Michelle got my Dad one that said: “Yet, despite the look on my face, you’re still talking.” which if you know my dad, you’ll know it’s perfect.

Now this is Christmas morning. I got this head massager in my stocking. It gives me chills anytime I use it because it feels that good. My Mom would call this picture a Corkboard Picture. Because every time a bad or embarrassing picture of her is taken, she says: “This better not end up on the corkboard at my wake!” because when you’re dead, you have no control over what pictures your family puts on the corkboard next to your casket.

Then we went to John and Barbara’s in Pennsylvania. Here is Barbara showing off the latest fashions. It’s called Pregnant Reindeer Chic. And there’s argyle! It’s all the rage in Milan.

Here is my brother John showing off what Santa gave my nephew Jack for Christmas, but I think we all know who Santa really bought this for:

Here are Jack and Matthew playing Uncle Craig’s favorite board game. Yes, I let them win! Maybe.

I like this picture of me and Mom:

Mom got Jack and Matthew matching chairs, but Matthew is a bit too small for it, so his legs stick right up when he sits in it.

Me and Dad playing Pass-the-Baby:

Me and Jack playing with the rockets I got him. Note to self: Get indoor presents next year.

Matthew and his Aunt Amanda:

Back home trying out the new video game sound chair John and Barbara got me. Don’t mock it till you try it! If you pump up the bass all the way, it vibrates. Just sayin’!

Here I am slaughtering Wookies. Don’t judge me!

Well there we have it. Christmas is over, I’m back at work, and life sucks again. What’s left to look forward to anymore? New Years? “Happy New Years! Okay, goodnight.” That’s only if I even manage to stay up that late. Midnight is exhausting! Well there is the Battlestar Galactica premiere coming up. That should be a national holiday.

Baby it’s Cold Outside

Posting this video has become a bit of a tradition here on Puntabulous, seeing as though this is the third year in a row I’m posting it, but I just love it that much. And originality was never my strong suit. Enjoy!

Isn’t date rape hysterical?

The Calm AFTER the Storm:

Oh I’m sorry, were you looking for a new post? Because I’m afraid I have movies and television shows to watch, argyle sweaters to try on, and Wookies to slaughter. Your new post will have to wait. Though I hope you all have a great day!

Mom got me The Big Bang Theory because she laughs hysterically while watching it (as I’m watching Gossip Girl in the other room) and yells in: “Craig! You need to start watching this show! They’re just like you! They’re huge dorks!”

Here’s Some Christmas Cheer:

I love the way Christmas lights look lit up underneath snow:

Merry Christmas everyone!

Puntabulous: 500,000 Disturbed Served

At 11:31 AM today a reader in Grand Rapids, Michigan referred here by Chris was my 500,000th reader! Isn’t that exciting? While it’s a nice milestone, I’m more concerned with finding out where this currency is from, because if there’s a country with unicorns on its money, I need to live there immediately. Thanks for reading everyone!

Ass-You-Vees

On our last vacation, my friend Aaron taught us that it’s fun to put the word “ass” in front of SUV names. And by golly he was right! So that’s what we did for the remainder of the vacation. Here are some of my favorites:

That top picture is of me and Aaron when we were roasting marshmallows in Vermont with Robin and Jenn. The second picture is from college, approximately 8 years ago. Oy! Was college really 8 years ago?

My Visit to the Doctor

So I’ve been sick for the past few weeks. I know what you’re thinking: “But Craig! I never would have expected! You’re blogging has never been better!” And to that I would say that I am just a trooper, who is here to please you. Taking breaks between drawing Super Viagra slides to hack up green globs of disgustingness. That’s me! The consummate giver. (LOL: giver)

But the sickness would not pass, so I finally went to the doctor in the hopes of getting better by Christmas, because no one wants to be sick on Christmas. And every time I go to the doctor’s office, and am left in the room by myself, I cannot resist the temptation to squeeze the rubber blood pressure ball thingy. Seriously. Look at that slut just sitting there, begging me to squeeze him.

Oh yes, the cool, thick rubber feels sooooo good under my warm hands. Mmmmm. It feels the same every time, but there’s no way I’m going in there and not touching it.

And not just touch, mind you. No, that wouldn’t be weird enough. I have to squeeze it. Because nothing gives me more pleasure than making the little metal ball in the gauge jump up and down.

Oh yes, you know that felt damn good. Just like every other time. I don’t know what’s wrong with me, but I can’t help it. I need to squeeze it!

But anyway, the new doctor was really nice and I explained my symptoms and told her that it happens every year and that I get the Z-Pack (azithromycin antibiotics) and it makes me better every time. I really do love that damn Z-Pack. It works wonders! But I must have seemed pretty anxious while I told her about the Z-Pack because at the end she said “Okay, I’ll write you out a prescription for the Z-Pack, you’re favorite.” as if to say “I know you’re a dirty whore who will do anything to get your fix.”

And yes, I know you should try to stay away from antibiotics because you don’t want to build up an immunity to them by the time the next big super-bug comes around, but I have a feeling that when the Culcari Overlords (May our hides be the buffer between scratchy surfaces and Their iPods) invade, their biological warfare will far surpass anything we puny infidels can muster up anyway, so I might as well enjoy the antibiotics while I can.

Holy Crap! A Super Viagra Ornament!

What better day to show off my new Super Viagra ornament, than the day he saves Christmas? Well Chris from Perspectologist made this for me and I absolutely adore it! I know you’re super jealous!

Thank you so much Chris! I love it!