Dec
23
So I’ve been sick for the past few weeks. I know what you’re thinking: “But Craig! I never would have expected! You’re blogging has never been better!” And to that I would say that I am just a trooper, who is here to please you. Taking breaks between drawing Super Viagra slides to hack up green globs of disgustingness. That’s me! The consummate giver. (LOL: giver)
But the sickness would not pass, so I finally went to the doctor in the hopes of getting better by Christmas, because no one wants to be sick on Christmas. And every time I go to the doctor’s office, and am left in the room by myself, I cannot resist the temptation to squeeze the rubber blood pressure ball thingy. Seriously. Look at that slut just sitting there, begging me to squeeze him.
Oh yes, the cool, thick rubber feels sooooo good under my warm hands. Mmmmm. It feels the same every time, but there’s no way I’m going in there and not touching it.
And not just touch, mind you. No, that wouldn’t be weird enough. I have to squeeze it. Because nothing gives me more pleasure than making the little metal ball in the gauge jump up and down.
Oh yes, you know that felt damn good. Just like every other time. I don’t know what’s wrong with me, but I can’t help it. I need to squeeze it!
But anyway, the new doctor was really nice and I explained my symptoms and told her that it happens every year and that I get the Z-Pack (azithromycin antibiotics) and it makes me better every time. I really do love that damn Z-Pack. It works wonders! But I must have seemed pretty anxious while I told her about the Z-Pack because at the end she said “Okay, I’ll write you out a prescription for the Z-Pack, you’re favorite.” as if to say “I know you’re a dirty whore who will do anything to get your fix.”
And yes, I know you should try to stay away from antibiotics because you don’t want to build up an immunity to them by the time the next big super-bug comes around, but I have a feeling that when the Culcari Overlords (May our hides be the buffer between scratchy surfaces and Their iPods) invade, their biological warfare will far surpass anything we puny infidels can muster up anyway, so I might as well enjoy the antibiotics while I can.
December 23rd, 2008 at 5:41 am
I love the doctor office wall treatments look the same no matter where you are in the country.
December 23rd, 2008 at 6:59 am
Good thing the doctor did not barge in on you while you were squeezing her bulb.
I have taken azithromycin before, in generic form I believe. I can’t remember what malady I had when I took it. I don’t get seriously sick that often, so I don’t visit the doctor much. When I am there I make a profound effort to touch as few surfaces as possible. There are sick people and germs everywhere!!! I don’t like germs.
December 23rd, 2008 at 7:43 am
Hope the Z-Pack works for you and you feel better soon. My Dr. would have said “Its a virus, you just have to wait it out.” no matter how much I begged for drugs. She’s mean that way. Nice manly wrist you have there.
December 23rd, 2008 at 8:37 am
Craig: The most important thing is that you take them as directed. Evolving to survive N pills is a lot harder than evolving to survive N-6.
December 23rd, 2008 at 8:44 am
Well, I hope they do the trick, but do be careful. I make a point of not buying anti-bacterial products as I want my immune system always at the ready, not lulled into a false sense of security.
Your love of blood pressure equipment is, well, it is just so you.
December 23rd, 2008 at 8:47 am
Ryan R: I’m confused. Please explain.
December 23rd, 2008 at 8:48 am
“Look at that slut just sitting there, begging me to squeeze him….Because nothing gives me more pleasure than making the little metal ball in the gauge jump up and down.”
Am I the only one who is completely turned on now?
I get the sinus infection/bronchitis two step every year, usually in August (thanks rag weed allergy!). I can’t avoid antibiotics because once the snot is in there, it doesn’t want to leave. I can’t do the z-pack (your favorite) because it doesn’t work for me. I usually have to do the 14 days of kill anything that moves antibiotic. I’m screwed when the Culcari Overlords (may our eyeballs provide endless hours of entertainment for their perfect progeny) show up.
Great post, illness does you well. Tam’s right, that is a manly wrist. I’m jealous, mine are totally girly.
December 23rd, 2008 at 8:49 am
I never knew the blood pressure device could have such an impact on someone’s life like that! Personally they remind me of over sized low hanging udders either way get well soon! Oh and Garlic pills work magic on all illnesses.
December 23rd, 2008 at 9:07 am
Craig: Antibiotic resistance often occurs when people stop taking antibiotics before their prescription runs out. The first few pills kill most of the bacteria, leaving behind the ones with a little resistance. The next few pills kill most of the remaining pills, leaving the ones with a little more resistance. This continues until even the most scrappy bacterium who is the protagonist in a bacteria movie dies.
When people stop the process midway, the bacteria with partial resistance who have survived are surrounded with an environment with plenty of food and plenty of space. They do their asexual reproduction thing like bunnies on meth and the person gets sick again. However, this time all the bacteria survive the first few pills, and some may be able to survive more antibiotics than the patient.
December 23rd, 2008 at 9:15 am
Get well soon!
December 23rd, 2008 at 9:34 am
Interesting. TMST lives on! Thanks Ryan!
December 23rd, 2008 at 10:30 am
But if you don’t get better, that means more visits where you can squeeze the cool, thick rubber. What to do…….
December 23rd, 2008 at 11:07 am
Why not order your own set to have year round!
http://www.lydiasuniforms.com/scrubs/category.asp?cat=100&t=Medical_Supply_Store
December 23rd, 2008 at 11:55 am
Craig. I think we’re twins. Z-Pack is the only thing that works for me. But my Nazi doctor is all like “If you keep getting it then it eventually won’t work.” and I’m all “Well hopefully they’ll have something better by that time!” and he’s all “Alright.” and just shakes his head and gives it to me! Yay us!
December 23rd, 2008 at 12:00 pm
I steal latex gloves whenever I visit the doctor and I wear them on the drive home. They shouldn’t just leave them out on the counter if they don’t want anyone to walk off with a pair!
December 23rd, 2008 at 12:32 pm
I’ve been sick since yesterday as well….aches, headache, fever, it just sucks. Although watching you molest the blood pressure bulb DID make me giggle, and laughter IS the best medicine.
Feel beeter, punkin.
HUGS…
December 23rd, 2008 at 1:43 pm
Craig,even while sick your mind is in the gutter! I love it. As for the antibiotics,hope they do the trick,I was sick for three months and did 4 courses of antibiotics before I got better! this year sucked the big one that way! Hope you feel better soon!
And Ryan is on the mark with what he said.
December 23rd, 2008 at 4:41 pm
Craig: hope the Z-pack works out for you, nobody wants to spend the holidays hacking up green goo. Since I work at a hospital I avoid touching anything as much as possible. Did you know that they have sick people there? With germs?! Gross!
Tam: I can appreciate the manly wrist but I am much more impressed by Craig’s neatly trimmed nails. I am very put-off by poorly maintained finger nails, especially malformed nails due to chronic nail biting, uhg! Sorry, just a pet peeve of mine.
December 23rd, 2008 at 4:47 pm
Now I know what to do the next time I’m bored out of my mind waiting and waiting. I can hardly wait to squeeze that slutty bulb.
What other fun toys are there to play with in the doctor’s office?
December 23rd, 2008 at 4:53 pm
Jason: one thing to do that is popular with the kids is to blow up a latex glove then draw a face, or turkey, or whatever on it. They are kinda fun to hit around like a beach ball
December 23rd, 2008 at 5:50 pm
Craig, I hope you feel better quickly. I’m on day 6 of a 10 day course and feel as good as new. But I will keep swallowing them until the last one is gone.
Am I the only one thinking about Craig squeezing a certain part of the male anatomy and clamping my legs closed in response?
Merry Christmas from Germany to all of Craig’s gentle readers.
December 23rd, 2008 at 6:34 pm
Bernd: Glad you made it safe and sound to Germany. And I’m now shaking my head at imagery only you could bring to my mind. Ouch.
December 23rd, 2008 at 7:45 pm
I went to the doctor’s today for my flu shot! Yay
Craig, have you been eating cheetos or too many carrots, because your hand is orange!
December 23rd, 2008 at 8:34 pm
roboto: What a great gift for Craig, although I’m guessing the fun in squeezing is that our boy is getting away with something.
When I see a “Do not touch” store in the sign, I must touch.
Mr. M. emailed me this link. It reminds me of Craig’s evil bunny post the other day.
john: Ignore the first toy.
December 23rd, 2008 at 9:02 pm
Michelle: No link
December 23rd, 2008 at 10:11 pm
I never heard of z-pack. And I think you should go back and get a physical, then post those pictures like I did ; )
Tam: where’s your icon?!
December 23rd, 2008 at 10:19 pm
Enrico: For some reason on the netbook it changes my e-mail address and if I don’t think about it I hit post before I fix it. I think its a Firefox thing where it “remembers” even when I don’t want it to.
December 23rd, 2008 at 11:35 pm
Aww, that’s sad. You can ‘clear private data’ but you’d have to redo it for any other sites that have remembered passwords.
December 24th, 2008 at 12:15 am
Oh poop – I’ll put it on the Argyle Lounge.
And Craig – even your green globs of disgustingness are cute.
January 21st, 2009 at 11:09 pm
[...] same way that Craig had to get his Z-Pack, I got to get mine [...]